How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
How do you get Mike Tyson's attention?

Tell him you're all ears.

[I just thought of this while eating dinner and I'm pretty happy with it. I chuckled, and even my partner didn't sigh her usual sigh!]

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.

https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Why do you get German people's attention when sneezing?

ACH...

...TUNG!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pasha_07
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Not much attention but I'm proud enough of this one I came up with that I thought you may enjoy.

Relevant image on the post in which I made the joke:

https://imgur.com/gallery/6RjUUBx

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuchSalad4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
ATTENTION

πŸ”¨ <-- THIS IS NOT A DRILL

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExUltra02
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
This one pirate i know jumped into the sea for attention

I think he went overboard

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObsessedWithLions
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Pay attention in class kids
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav50w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I wasn’t paying attention and poured too much creamer in my coffee

Had a blonde moment

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenpaiSusu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do seals do when they need medical attention?

Sea kelp

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNeutralParty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What nut is always begging for attention?

Pssst-tachios.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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The next Star Wars movie will debut a new droid with a comically-short attention span.

His name is 80-HD.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_gregorio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I had a short attention span

I can't remember what he said after that

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACSpeed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what to say to get gold’s attention?

Say A U

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainIsBouncing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat scratches me to get my attention, I like to think he doesn't realize he's hurting me,

he just has issues with claws and effects.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newfranksinatra
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Wolf that pays attention.

Aware Wolf

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddiioonnaa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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This music video drew my attention

https://preview.redd.it/zvki93lxox151.png?width=939&format=png&auto=webp&s=18ec66f3737f805d7e1fa7ad519cd53414111913

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcir_semirg
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Centaur of Attention
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/praisedalord1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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My girlfriend just left me. She said I wasn't paying enough attention to her.

Or something like that.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiner_bock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was struggling to get my wife's attention

So I simply sat down and looked comfortable, that did the trick

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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No I wasn’t paying attention

It cost to much

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilless-writer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn’t pay attention to what herb I bought

Turns out it was a big dill. I’m allergic.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
All these deadly viruses we should be worried about, but when it comes to media attention...

... corona takes the crown

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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"Attention passengers: I'd like to personally welcome you to my first day as a railway conductor. Not to worry though, you're in very capable hands...

I've been training for this."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NThruThe0utdoor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When your lazy kohai never pays attention in class but always wants to see what you wrote down after

they're always like, "Notes me, senpai"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shujInsomnia
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Praefectus27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Strugglng to get your wifes attention?

Just sit down and look comfortable!

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hirsty19784
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Stand at attention
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/21kondav
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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People tell me to pay attention

But I dont have any money

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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What does a gold digger say to get someone’s attention?

β€œA u!”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j-wabbitt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
In this wedding, the bride is the centaur of attention.
πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I couldn't pay attention in chemistry class until I made this
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoonRks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Attention Whore, A5
πŸ‘︎ 377
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A group of people went into a maze to find a centaur. As they entered one man told the group: β€œDon’t bother going to the middle”, They responded: β€œWhy?”, He replied: β€œThey don’t like to be the centaur of attention”.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trigger-Plays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Man people have a really short attention span for Avengers: Endgame

Its only a twenty second movie

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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This is why I pay attention to the news
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moosepersona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Attention Punners

I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWESOMEDUDE0614
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot when they collided. The old guy says to the young guy, β€œSorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, β€œThat’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit anxious.”

The old guy says, β€œWell maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, β€œShe is 28 years-old, tall, with brown hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs and she’s wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?”

The old guy says, β€œDoesn't matter, let’s look for yours.”

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know? You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebatmunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have ........ a soda water.

The bartender replies β€œwhy the long paws?”

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/varun_chakilam
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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Attention readers of dadjokes: This is NOT a drill
πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsnathanhere
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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My wife said that I should start paying more attention to what’s going on around me.

I’ll try harder in 2018.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lora_Gev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal...

sees you later or in a while.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnazS
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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I have the attention span of an
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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