Now are children are older, I get to appreciate my wife, a Fun, Attentive, Tender, Caring Old Woman

Sadly, she just focuses on acronyms though

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleep_adict
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A deaf person showed me how to be attentive.

I took it as a sign.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadenStarfish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the frog so attentive in class?

He found the subject to be ribbiting!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearinthegarden14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was looking for attentive students...

so I brought them all camping.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raydan4
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girls attention?

A Tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 288
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmath12
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I have the attention of a goldfish

Seriously, it’s been watching me for hours

πŸ‘︎ 261
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyCatlc
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...

I should have known they'd dyne and dash.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
This post might be a little ballsy. And if it gets a lot of attention, I might get cocky.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLZ_Riptide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone likes being the center of attention.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/think_you_know
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Anakin was a bad student. Never paid attention in class, never took any tests seriously. All his teachers were angry with him. Teacher Obi-Wan was specially worried when he had to say,

"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife is afraid of my attention to her

Well, she's not my wife .........yet

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a Norse god do when they don’t want to attract attention?

They stay low key (Loki).

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyktic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighbor’s attention.

He must’ve been at deaf’s door.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toboggabug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I am so broke....

The bank asked for its calendar back.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.

https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get Mike Tyson's attention?

Tell him you're all ears.

[I just thought of this while eating dinner and I'm pretty happy with it. I chuckled, and even my partner didn't sigh her usual sigh!]

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do you get German people's attention when sneezing?

ACH...

...TUNG!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pasha_07
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Pay attention in class kids
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raghav50w
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
This one pirate i know jumped into the sea for attention

I think he went overboard

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObsessedWithLions
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
ATTENTION

πŸ”¨ <-- THIS IS NOT A DRILL

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExUltra02
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do seals do when they need medical attention?

Sea kelp

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNeutralParty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What nut is always begging for attention?

Pssst-tachios.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t paying attention and poured too much creamer in my coffee

Had a blonde moment

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SenpaiSusu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you have when you are holding two moth balls?

A moth's undivided attention.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vegasman20002
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
The next Star Wars movie will debut a new droid with a comically-short attention span.

His name is 80-HD.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el_gregorio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I had a short attention span

I can't remember what he said after that

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACSpeed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what to say to get gold’s attention?

Say A U

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainIsBouncing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat scratches me to get my attention, I like to think he doesn't realize he's hurting me,

he just has issues with claws and effects.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/newfranksinatra
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??

Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No-Dane-No-Gain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Centaur of Attention
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/praisedalord1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Wolf that pays attention.

Aware Wolf

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddiioonnaa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house.

Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.

"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.

"Yeah? What?" She responded.

"Was that you?" I called back.

After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"

I could not stop laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnotm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I was struggling to get my wife's attention

So I simply sat down and looked comfortable, that did the trick

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend just left me. She said I wasn't paying enough attention to her.

Or something like that.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiner_bock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn’t pay attention to what herb I bought

Turns out it was a big dill. I’m allergic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Praefectus27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
All these deadly viruses we should be worried about, but when it comes to media attention...

... corona takes the crown

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gambitK9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I guess I'm a cheapskate with ADHD

I never pay attention

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicksterTV
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor !!

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremyleeb
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Actual_Tom
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you get a country girl’s attention?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lora_Gev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
This music video drew my attention

https://preview.redd.it/zvki93lxox151.png?width=939&format=png&auto=webp&s=18ec66f3737f805d7e1fa7ad519cd53414111913

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcir_semirg
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
No I wasn’t paying attention

It cost to much

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilless-writer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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