What do bees do when they have to use public transport?
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︎ Mar 05 2021
I felt uncomfortable with my wife giving me dirty looks in public
So I had to ask her to clean her glasses
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︎ Mar 07 2021
How are chiropractors and public relations specialists alike?
One is a spine doctor and the other is a spin doctor, but both give things a new twist!
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Dad jokes that you overuse in public that infuriate your partner?
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to βput the kettle onβ I respond βI canβt, it wonβt fitβ or if weβre shopping and Iβm asked βdo you need a bagβ I point at her and say βitβs fine I brought my ownβ there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Why did the teacher never fart in public?
π︎ 108
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Did you hear about the teddy who got arrested for public indecency?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 21 2021
Imagine a form of public transportation where there is no monetary fee but you relive past mistakes for as long as you are a passenger
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 09 2020
The public pool sector must be taking a real dive right now
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 27 2020
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
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︎ Nov 06 2020
Throwback to when I found this vacant billboard in public
π︎ 31
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︎ Aug 08 2020
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
What do you call someone who doesnβt fart in public?
π︎ 8k
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︎ Jan 03 2020
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Do you use toilet seat liners in public restrooms?
Or do you not give a crap
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Egyptian Council Leader: the public transport in Cairo is terrible.
Egyptian Transport Secretary: We need a new bus
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I know it's a public health thing ... still getting pretty tired of this Korn teen
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 20 2020
People who go out in public without a mask make me sick.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?
π︎ 13
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︎ Sep 09 2020
What do you call bread that doesnβt want its name out in the public
π︎ 28
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︎ Jul 21 2020
I can't believe the lights in the public bathroom went out
now i can't see Jack shit
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 23 2020
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
Itβs my secret βstache.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 10 2020
In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, Iβve been dancing in public while insulting people.
I practice social diss dancing.
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 24 2020
Did you hear about the fraction that was arrested for drinking whiskey in public?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 11 2020
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
π︎ 18
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︎ Jun 18 2020
People who dislike breadfeeding in public are not haters.
They're just tired of breasts being milked for all its worth.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 25 2020
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.
So today Iβm wearing pants to take her to school.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 21 2018
I tried to start a conversation in the public restroom...
but everyone was occupied
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 01 2020
What was the rap name of the Jewish guy with a fear of public speaking?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Hey pal, why wonβt you cover your face while youβre in public?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 21 2020
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 02 2020
llamenting every public breath I take
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Friend asked why I never used the public restrooms
Because I'm not a party pooper.
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︎ Jul 08 2020
The missus just told me airlines are selling their ready meals to the public.
Dad: They'll never take off.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 18 2020
I just passed gas in public and everyone heard it.
They really caught wind of the situation
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 09 2020
People! The public bathrooms are for peeing only!
Either you're in, or you're out!
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Garbage Public Service Announcement
It's very important to make sure that one always has a trash can at one's disposal.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 02 2020
I think my brother is an kleptomaniac who steals from public roads
π︎ 13
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︎ Apr 18 2020
Sorry to Aries this problem in public
π︎ 2k
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︎ Mar 04 2018
I just want to wear a sheet out in public
π︎ 14
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︎ Dec 23 2019
What did the cop say to the guy he caught peeing in public?
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 13 2020
What do you call a teacher who doesnβt fart in public?
π︎ 655
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︎ Mar 29 2019
What do you call a teacher who doesnβt like to fart in public?
π︎ 271
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︎ Jun 30 2019
Why couldn't the teacher fart in public?
π︎ 21
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︎ Jan 11 2020
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