Carnival is offering a deluxe trip where you leave your senior citizens and kids behind in the snow..

They are calling it β€œTed Cruise”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thehuggyduggy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the citizens of the USSR make out of their potatoes?

Dic-tater tots

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheArduin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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My buddy Ian is a strong proponent of state surveillance of citizens. I disagree and think it's a bad idea, so I said...

"Or, well, Ian..."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Germany is now advising its citizens to stock up on cheese and sausages.

The Wurst KΓ€se scenario has arrived.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Chinese are building all sorts of new educational camps with invigorating physical exercise for Uigher citizens.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an ideology.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urlordcov
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
So why do you want to become a citizen of Switzerland?

I don't have any particular reason why, but the flag definetly is a big plus.

inspired from r/memes

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andidaniel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Is there any hidden meaning to the line "Rosebud" from the movie Citizen Kane?

Or was it just the last thing he sled?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't beggers be allowed in court for selection to the Jury box like any other non felon citizen?

Cuz, beggers can't be choosers!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imgprojts
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that there is one country that has the most well-rested citizens

HyberNation

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A chinese citizen has an opinion
  • Sorry, had*
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aqeel01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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What did the citizen say to the dictator?

Please stop "stalin" and feed us.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?

By Demeter.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotHavoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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*random citizen to Donald Trump* : Hey you're orange!

Donald : Wrong!

Donald : Im peach

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quints98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I just asked a German citizen how many puns he made

He laughed and then said β€œnein.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StellarStarmie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I made it a goal to become a legal citizen of Finland.

And I am not going to quit until I am Finish!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If a guy moves to a country because it's flag is big plus, but does not become a citizen of said country,

Does that make him Swede-ish?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Germany has unveiled a new, healthy meal plan for all its citizens

They call it the Guten Free Diet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RuskiHuski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do most senior citizens float?

Because they're just a hollow shell of what they used to be.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattJSharp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
As a US citizen, seeing all of these trade wars occuring with our country has me tarrified.
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard a news story about a village where the citizens were dying of thirst,

I hope they get well soon

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvaHorsie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My local church decided to tear down their bell because it was too loud and disturbing citizens.

The construction workers won a No bell Peace prize.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfunny11YearOld
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do call a Senior Citizen when they use a Computer?

Elder Scrolls

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Like every good citizen, I like to pay my taxes with a smile.

Unfortunately the government only accepts checks.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of diet did the Nazis recommend to citizens?

Juice cleanse.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/modstms
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Can a man, on an island who speaks a different language, be a citizen of France?

Of Corsican

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diego_godean
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Citizen Kane is considered one of the greatest movies of all time largely for it's cinematography. One scene in particular is famous for it's "floor shot" for which they had to literally dig a pit in the middle of the stage to acheive the correct perspective.

It was groundbreaking.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BottleSSBM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
🚨︎ report
The Queen knighted British electrons to spy on ordinary citizens

Truly, the Brits are living in a modern day Sir Valence state.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
🚨︎ report
The government is planning on sending citizens letters packed in dry ice.

It's a new form of subliminal messaging.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearcatChemist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
🚨︎ report
citizens of /r/dadjokes, our collective might is needed in a writing prompt in /r/writingprompts!

http://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/2v6t3y/wp_humanity_has_developed_a_hypersensitivity_to/

We must write a wrong.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trollsofalabama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I got my friends whilst watching "Law Abiding Citizen"

So we were watching Law Abiding Citizen. At some point the main character is stuck in an isolation cell. For some odd reason he is using a phone and can actually call people. A friend asks how this is possible. My response:

He's got cell reception.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwsmelt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I was at a college career fair, and the CIA recruiter asked if I was a US citizen.

"Since birth!" ... He didn't look particularly amused.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowthunder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I made it a goal to become a legal citizen of Finland and I’m not gonna quit til I’m Finish
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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