But they can still draw a crowd
If two's company & three's a crowd, what are four & five?
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
I hope you scrolled past that.
There's quite a crowd at the lego store
They are lined up for blocks.
A magician stood in front of a crowd and claimed that he could disappear. He counted, “Uno..dos..” and was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
The crowd doesn’t deserve MC-Dino...
Did you hear about the crowds at the grand opening of the new Lego store?
People were lined up for blocks
MC-Dino hopes the Reddit crowd gets him... 🥺
Watching an Australian cooking show and the chef made some meringue and the crowd cheered!
Surprising since most Aussies like to boo meringue.
There was a Mexican magician who said "I will disappear on the count of 3"! The crowd was silent. He began to count. "Uno... Dos...
and the magician disappeared, with out a trace.
With the barber shop finally open after many weeks, there was a huge crowd of people jostling for position to get in...
They really need a hair traffic controller.
My friend takes bets on who's the ugliest person in a crowd.
Trying to grab some toilet paper among the crowd at Costco was really traumatic.
What do you call a mattock that stands out from the crowd?
After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV.
Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling.
Another one for the IT crowd (if you got this, you are old - sorry)
Why did the crowd throw ice at his majesty?
Someone shouted “All hail the king”
I am thinking of pursuing a job as a crowd estimator.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
The crowd watched in suspense as the man attempted to scale the building whilst eating an apple
They feared he may have bitten off more than he could chew
I saw a crowd of chess enthusiasts talking about how good they were when I was going into the theatre...
.... they were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
My dad told me this: A Spanish magician went up on stage he said to the crowd I am gonna disappear on the count of 3, Uno, Dos then he disappeared without a trace
A dadjoke set for the kindergarten crowd
If you ever end up having to entertain kids around kindergarten age (5 or 6 years old) here are some jokes you can use.
Write the letter Y on a board or piece of paper. Ask, "Can you tell me what this letter is?" and they'll say "Y", to which you respond, "Because I want to know how smart you are."
After a bit of back and forth you can look exasperated that they don't get it (when of course it is you who don't get it), then say, "Okay here's an easy one, can you tell me what this word is?" Write down the word NO and of course the kids will say "NO" and you can say, "You don't know what this word is?" or "You know what it is but you won't tell me?" Kids usually think it's hilarious that an adult can be this dense.
For kids who can spell words, you can use ones like "duck" and then when they say it you can duck as if something is coming at you.
What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Polos versus Trebor mints, Polos score! And the whole crowd goes menthol
I always wanted a job estimating crowd sizes.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
I hate crowds, and just walked into a room full of married people.
Thankfully, there wasn’t a single person in there.
My friend went with a tour group to the capital of South Korea and got lost amongst the crowd...
It took a little Seoul searching, but he eventually found his way.
I was the solo support act for minor local rock group, 'Nothing'. My set went terribly. I was out of tune, really nervous, the equipment was failing too. The crowd began to boo and leave in droves.
I said, "you ain't seen Nothing yet!"
Why wouldn't the rock fan crowd surf at the concert?
He didn't want to get carried away.
We knew every one of the magician's tricks, and would announce the secret to the crowd
He got so angry at us, he puled his hare out.
A comedian told a bad joke so the crowd threw bread crumbs at him.
He took it with a grain assault.
My band member was up in arms after being made to crowd surf.
What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
“Make queso, number one.”
A magician fooled a crowd by making it look like be shoved bamboo up his nose
Dadjoked the crowd at my brother's wedding.
So at the reception it was my turn to give a speech and it went like this:
"I'm going to start this off with a couple jokes. First, it was a rather emotional wedding right? I mean, my mom was crying, Charity was crying, hell even the cake was in tiers! (many groans throughout the crowd) Second joke, to some marriage is just a word, to others, a sentence."
Besides all the groaning in the crowd I looked at my dad and saw that he was laughing so hard that he turned red and had tears in his eyes, that's how I knew they were good quality dadjokes.
A friend of mine was pretty upset when he was forced to crowd surf at a concert last week.
He was up in arms the entire time.
These headges are ahead of the crowd.
Many people tell me that I must love to stand out from the crowd
Beethoven performing for a huge crowd
Beethoven: You guys wanna hear some hot symphonies?
Crowd: Yeeaahhhhh!!!!
Beethoven: I can't hear you!!
Dadjoking the crowd every time I introduce my assistant
"This is my assistant. She's also my sister, so that makes her my assister!"
I was cracking up... tough crowd though.
Son (age 5): I don't want scrambled eggs for breakfast!
Me: What do you mean? You love scrambled eggs!
Son: I used to like them more but we've had them so much I don't like them anymore.
Me: Sounds like you're having... an egg-sistential crisis.
Son: ... what?
Me: Never mind, eat your eggs.
What car is most popular with the LGBTQ crowd?
What does a statistician DJ do to raise the crowd's spirit?
What did the angry charity say to the crowd-source charity?
Hey, look at that crowd of cows!
"A herd of cows!!"
"Of course I heard of cows... there's a crowd of them over there!"
When I attend a baseball game and count the crowd, I'm always in the ballpark.
I went to a dadjoke contest, but the crowd turned on me when I started telling puns...
I guess you could say there were some punintended consequences.
A Dad stopped me in the middle of a thick crowd to lay this one on me
Yesterday was Opening Day (baseball) at Target Field (Minnesota). The first 10,000 or so fans received a free blue zip-up hoodie with "Twins" emblazoned on the front. It's a damn fine hoodie.
It's also packed on the stadium concourse. 40,123 attendees that day. As my husband and I are making our way through a dense crowd along the right field concourse, an older gentleman stops me in my tracks with this big grin and says, "Wow, that's a great sweatshirt! Where'd you get it?"
He was holding one in his hand.
His other hand was holding that of his wife, who was rolling her eyes pretty hard. I imagine that was neither the first nor last time he'd made that joke yesterday.
I hate crowds, and just walked into a room full of married people.
Thankfully, there wasn’t a single person in there.
I’ve this irrational fear of crowds and I just walked into a room crammed with married people.
Thankfully there isn’t a single person in it.
I’m thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
I always think about getting a job estimating crowd sizes for different outdoor events.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
What’s Captain Picard’s first instruction to his employees, in anticipation of the Friday evening crowds at a Mexican restaurant that he supervises?
“Make queso, number one.”
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