My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation.

That came out of nowhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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A child’s observation:

If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcab00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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If you could see a fart, would that be an astute observation?
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HobNobBobJob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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I recently converted religions and I'll be taking off April 14th in observation of Vaisakhi

I guess that means I'm calling in Sikh.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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A Punderful Observation imgur.com/gallery/9IYXd?l…
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Fakename
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
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my dad made a great observation...

all the math teachers were pregnant at my middle school, and i remember asking my dad why.

dad: "because they like to multiply"

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/konnernextdoor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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observation on a german footballer

If SchΓΌrrle was a player instead of a player he'd be AndrΓ© "don't call me" SchΓΌrrle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceDetective
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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My observation of dadjokes

So I love this subreddit, it gives me new material and it gives me the opportunity to help my fellow fathers.

I have a question though, who else, aside from me, pictures the dads that comment and submit posts, as the dads who wear the typical dad attire? I mean the button up hawaiian shirt, kakhi shorts, and a drink in their hand, with a s**t-eating grin.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesusdo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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Ramadan is starting today. To all my Muslim friends who are observing this holy month, I have one thing to say.

Lunch is on me.

πŸ‘︎ 463
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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Why does the dragon not observe the Sabbath?

He only preys on weak knights.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
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What's the difference between an observer and a stalker?

A clipboard and pen

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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My love for puns can be observed through my love of 'Letterkenny.' Moist youtu.be/bdrQzZ-4GEk
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meganahs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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I didn't want to observe the period from Ash Wednesday to Easter again, but did so to stop my girlfriend's constant nagging...

I re-Lent-ed

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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That’s it, I’ve observed long enough!! Now it’s time to take:
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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Apparently, People are 44% less observant than ten years ago.

I read that somewhere.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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I have observed that people who always turn right are invariably on time.

They're clockwise.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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YSK that in 1912, Hellman mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the largest single shipment of mayo ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it.

The cargo was lost forever and the people of Mexico who were eagerly awaiting the delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great they declared a national day of mourning which is still observed to this day. The day of mourning occurs every year on May 5th.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch57113
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Party

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln." observed the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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Scientists recently spent 24 hours observing the moon orbit around earth.

They got bored and called it a day.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegur90
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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An observant but not-so-trustworthy friend of mine dropped by my fowl farm yesterday.

He took a gander.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAiFauxThe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Day and night
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
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Observed a weather-themed dad joke

Two guys were standing in front of me while waiting in line for the pharmacy. One begins making small talk about the weather:

"I hope the rain keeps up!"

"Huh?"

"So it doesn't come down!"

Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ms_Mediocracy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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My Dad will be telling Dad Jokes till the end...

Quick backstory, my Dad was rushed to the hospital last night with an acute pericardial effusion. Of course, we didn't know the cause at the time, so when the Doc came into my Dads room in the ER to tell him what's going on and what they were going to do, emergency surgery, this is how the conversation went...

Doc: Mr FloatyMcBoatFace's Dad, You have fluid building up around your heart, an Acute Pericardial Effusion, and we have to go to surgery right away to get that fluid out of there.

My Dad: Well, good thing it isn't an Obtuse Pericardial Effusion...

The entire family groaned. The Dr and Nurse couldn't help but laugh after a few seconds of what I assume was shock.

Anyway, he seems to be doing fine, he's still in the hospital under observation though.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FloatyMcBoatface
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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Q: Did you just fart?

A: That would be an ass-toot observation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LORDFAIRFAX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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When you're sad and no one seems to carrot all
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keelzyy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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A dad and his son are out camping when they hear a loud roar outside their tent.

Scrambling, they look outside and see a bear, standing on its hind legs.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They begin to run away into the woods, but the bear doesn't give chase. In fact, it's still standing there, looking at the tent.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They stop and watch but it just keeps standing there. They inch closer, but no reaction.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They summon up all their courage and approach to within inches. No reaction.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

"I think this bear might be broken," observes the son.

The dad nods. "I think that bear's repeating."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Lets do it like how my maths teacher thought me.

To find : the color of the up vote

given : the color of the up vote is red-orange

Proof :

red + yellow = orange -------(1)

red + orange = red-orange -------(2)

color of up vote = red-orange ------(3)

therefor from statements (1), (2) and (3)

color of up vote = red + yellow + red + orange

color of up vote = 2(red) + yellow + orange

Observation : red is twice the amount of orange

Conclusion : as red is twice the amount of orange

we can conclude that the up vote is red in color

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roshanshaji310
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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What do you call it when someone notices that you farted?

An ass-toot observation

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billmilk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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My dad told me this joke earlier today

A detective was called to a man's house to investigate a death. The man took the detective to his backyard and there was a dead rabbit lying there with a half eaten egg toasted sandwich and a half eaten cheese toasted sandwich. The detective quickly observed this and said to the man. "It seems to be a case of Myxomatoasties.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nich_05
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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I opened the oven....

I just opened the oven and there were loads of tiny people dancing to techno.

It was a micro-rave.

I'm sorry

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMightyJoeYoung
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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Let's demolish train stations and airports, and build lots more tall telescopes. We'll probably live a lot longer!

In my experience, patients under observation do far better than the terminally ill.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamsebamsen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Why didn't the Jewish physicist know how often Christmas is celebrated?

Because if you don't observe something, you can't be sure of its frequency.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Rosemary is brought home to new fridge.

She observes the other herbs with much interest and notes one herb stands out as the clear leader of the pack. She asks her only friend so far Marjoram who that is. Marjoram says: β€œIn here, he’s kind of a big Dill.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citizenvane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Interesting

Me: How come the chicken is cold?

Wife: It is still going to be baked in the oven.

Me: Interesting

Wife: You always say things are interesting

Me: What an interesting observation

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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My wife told me I'm handsome.

I replied, "You're quite observant, I do have some hands."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Libertyler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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I was examining my spices when my son tells me soccer starts in 15 minutes. So I said...

"Well well well, would you look at the thyme!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoodieninja86
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
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How do you know when an octopus has diarrhea?

It leaves squid-marks.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsDoubtmeyer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdrew91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Today is a soldier's least favorite day

What day does a soldier hate the most?

March 4th!

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theverybest264
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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My wife cooked me a great breakfast this morning. She was bragging about it.

After a great steak & eggs + side dishes breakfast...

Wife: Man. I'm so great. Cooking requires more creativity and skill than baking. You're just reading measurements with baking. With baking, all you need is time - a lot of time.

Me: What about basil or rosemary?

Wife: Huh?

Me: Basil or rosemary?

Wife: Huh?

A few seconds later, she gets it, sighs, then laughs. A few more seconds later...

Wife: I can't believe you're still laughing at your own joke.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/claytondufresne
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

πŸ‘︎ 164
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobosaurusRex2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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[Long] a brush with death

Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.

About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spartan-44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
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Why don't octopuses like meeting new people?

It takes too long to shake hands!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynxSys
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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How to determine the sex of an ant.

Step 1. Throw it in the water.

Step 2. Observe.

If it sinks? Girl ant.

If it floats? Boy ant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivey090
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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My dad just texted me this so I think it counts.

Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.

Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.

Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GHOSTWRlTlNG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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What do you call a octopus with no tentacles?

Bob

Courtesy of my dad last night at dinner πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kva19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2017
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What do you call it when you watch a donkey fart?

an asstute observation

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/putout
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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The wrong people seem to be in pao-er

Just an observation.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nvr_frgt_dre
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2015
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I heard Jerry Seinfeld got new glasses.

He was having trouble with his observational comedy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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I think he was waiting for the perfect moment to tell this joke.

So we're at my sisters just talking about dreams when my dad pops up, "hey this one night I had this CRAZY dream that I was a tipi, then the next night I had another dream that I was a wigwam. So I went to the doctor's and told him about my dreams and asked him about it and he said I was 'TOO TENSE'" He then proceeded to laugh out loud like this was the absolute most funniest thing he has ever heard as I got up and left the room.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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Watching a movie

My brother makes the observation that a character is having some serious hallucinations.

Me: "Yeah, she's tripping."

Dad: "Why, did she fall?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seth_k_t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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If someone notices a fart...

...you could say they have just made an ass-toot observation.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jchazu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2013
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If philosophers wore uniforms what would their badges say?

To observe and reflect.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kosmozoan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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I hung up on my husband's dad joke.

My husband and I aren't planning on kids just yet, but he'll be great with the dad jokes if we ever have some.

A few weeks back, he called to ask if I needed anything from the store on his way home from work. I said no, and he followed that up with the random observation, "Hey, there's horses over there!"

I was initially confused, because the way he said it made it seem like they were in the road, and asked, "...what are they doing?"

There was a brief pause and he said, "Oh... just horsing around in a field."

I immediately hung up.

Edit: A word.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DangerousDaisies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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How does a cosmologist meditate?

Observe a tree.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZenPad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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Isaac Newton's Dad

After discovering gravity, Isaac Newton went to tell his parents about his observations. His dad looked at him and said, "well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediFunHouse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
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Teacher Told Us a Dad joke in Class Today

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wall-mart grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman d

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisisCarl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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My wife was talking about sharing absinthe with friends.

I observed that absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tard_farts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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Moms can dad joke, too!

I'll preface this by mentioning I'm 5'5".

At the grocery store this afternoon I couldn't reach the very last of the strawberry Yop pushed wayyyy back on the very top shelf in the refrigeration aisle, so I basically had to drop my basket and scale the damn thing to reach the last three bottles. Tall guy near me observes this.

Tall guy: Can I give you a hand? Me: Actually I could use a couple of feet.

I came home and told my husband. He looked at me and said "And you're actually proud of yourself!" Haha!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/L00k_Again
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2014
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What's that building?

Walking around campus today with my girlfriend

'Hey what's that building?'

'The observatory'

'Oh. Who's Tory and why are we observing her?'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirkauburn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
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My dad just forwarded this email to me...

> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeNoob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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I Am My Father's Daughter

Today, my husband is cooking dinner and I gloriously get to observe. I see he's reaching into the cupboard and taking out the rice, then pipe up,

"Oh, so we are having really small rice then?"

Cue, bewildered look, shortly followed by an impressive groan.

Yep, it was minute rice! My dad would be so proud!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloominGroovy
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Dadjoked my roommate last evening

My roommate was comparing two SD memory cards last night. He uses them for GoPro cameras for racing. He observed aloud that there was a 50MB difference in their read speeds. I chimed in, "But you're not interested in read speed, write?" You know it's bad when you have to explain the joke..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curzyk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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A dad joke from 1876

In walking through a park and observing the signs, β€˜All dogs found on these grounds without their owners, will be shot,’ a friend of mine exclaimed, β€˜That’s a hard case for dogs that can’t read.’

β€” Irving Browne, Humorous Phases of the Law, 1876

Due credit: Futility Closet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Djerrid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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Childless uncle jokes

Uncle observes "no smoking" sign.

He's a smoker.

Pulls out two cigarettes.

I remind him he can't smoke.

Puts a cigarette in each nostril, turns to me and says;

"nose smoking"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/horrible_jokes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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At the doctor's office

I was student observing/shadowing a doctor a few days ago. I went with the nurse into the patient room and she says

"This is perrbear, he's currently shadowing the doctor. Would you mind if he sits in?"

The husband responds "Sure, shadows have never bothered us.. although I've never seen one with a face before!"

I smile as he guffaws to himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/perrbear
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
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Got my entire lab group last week.

Our assignment was to swab each of our left hands and then use one of four handwashing protocols, (i.e., hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap, etc.) and come back two days later to observe the difference on Petri plates. So we come back and we're all looking at each other's plates and a girl asks me, "Can I see your hands? Where are they?" to which I responded, "They're right here at the ends of my arms!" and held up my hands. The entire group let out a sigh and rolled their eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awayshallfade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Story of love at first stupid pun.

A man sees a woman in a grocery story and tries to make a joke through observational humor and she gets him good:

Man: Why are people so fanatical about buying all natural foods?

Woman: Maybe they're afraid of dying

Source

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunnyBanana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Froggy the Waiter

This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!

My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.

Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expen

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KickedInTheHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2013
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My father just posted this on Facebook.

MURDER AT COSTCO STORE

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyxsama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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Dad pulled this on me during a snooker game.

It was his turn, and he missed an easy pot.

"You didn't think about the angles", I observed.

"Or the saxons!" he shouted. Didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slugmaniac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

It was exactly what I expected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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I collected and analyzed a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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Why didn't the dragon observe the Sabbath?

He only preys on weak knights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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