WD-40 is just wrench dressing.
It was his ex-tradition
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!!!” The husband, being a non-romantic sort, replied... “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
They told him that he was missing attire
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
...on one hand, you wear a super cool ring, on the other hand, you don’t
"Don't know he just ransomware"
Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays
I responded with “No, not Eni.”
He died of old adage...
“Dad says if you kick it, we’ll be rich!!”
My only comment was WHO do they think they are telling you what to do?
“That’s what you call a look-out block, you turn around and say LOOK OUT”
They were on his tail.
The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?
He was a certified stocker.
Daughter: "Hey Dad! Do you know what would be SO COOL?"
Me: "A frozen needle and string?"
Daughter: groans.. "You're IMPOSSIBLE"
Me: "No, no. I'm D-"
Daughter: "DAD. DAD. WE GET IT."
Me: "We Get It.... Is that a new Nintendo System?"
Daughter: . . . walks away
.
.
Stay Proud. Stay Dad.
He said, “Christmas stalking.”
I’ll be studying a broad.
It was an odd beehavior.
“Sorry about that folks. Not my fault, it’s the asphalts”
i💩x i💩 = -💩⬛️
Shit just got real!
I told her that I was more like a circle, squares are too edgy for me.
I took it with a grain of salt
https://imgur.com/z0V7Oyg
Punchline
She replied, "Yeah, I heard it snore a couple of times."
... The steaks have never been higher
We had begun a section on 'change management', and to prove his point, the facilitator challenged us to try to name one thing that does not involve change.
I proudly shouted out "A CREDIT CARD!"
He looks at me and asks, "A... credit card?"
I reply, "Yes. There is no change when paying with a credit card..."
No one knows, it was a mist opportunity.
Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan:
Ron Acerous, Sal Amander, Herb Avore, Chic Adee, Al Bacore, Paul R Baer, Al Batros, Wally Bee, Lady Bugg, Jay Byrd, Ann Chovie, Anna Condra, Barry Cuda, Terry Dactyl, Ray N Deer, Flo N Der , Erma Dillo, Ann Enome, Terry Err, Liz Erd, Ann Fibian, Dale Finn, Redd Fox, Buddy Fly, Ken Garoo, Allie Gator, Billy Goat, Pan Guin, Ann Gus, Hal Ibut, Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Anne Kelosaurous, Don Key, Ann T. Lope, Moe Lusk, C. Lyon, Chip Monk, Flo Mingo, Sal Mon, Anna Mull, Barr Nicole, Kay Nine, Kyle Otee, Al Paca, Lia Pard, Millie Pede, Ellie Phant, Arthur Podd, Jack Rabbit, Gerry Raffe, Ty Ranaceourous, Mack Rell, Wally Rus, Jack Russel, Fez Sant, Dina Sauer, Drew Sophila, Chris Station, Hal Steen, Clyde Sudale, Ann Teeter, Pan Ther, Earl Thurfworm, Tara Ann Tula, Bea Tule, Ray Venn, Bea Ver, and Beau Vine.
I couldn't have done it without your support !!!
i work the service desk at a grocery store, and me and one of my coworkers will often make puns based on the items we return. i got 2 gallons of white milk and a half gallon of chocolate milk. the following exchange occurred.
him: i'm gonna go dump this milk.
me: that bad in the relationship, eh?
him: well yeah, look what kind of baby they made -points to chocolate milk-
me: in a relationship, you need certain emotions, i guess they just lactose emotions. -he dumps out the milk and returns-
him: hey, wanna see my jugs?
me: i had a friend named calvin who wanted to see mine. one day i finally just said, "hey cal, see em?"
I can't seem to get my diet right - I must be a gluten for punishment.
You just passed your I exam.
You: What did the scientist say when he discovered tow isotopes of Helium? Your friend: what?
You: HeHe.
Friend : oh that's funny.
You: yeah, I know. It was a noble joke.
Friend: ugh. groans
You: actually, I expected no reaction at all.
Friend: ...
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don’t.
👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽
They were on his tail.
