What comes after the USA?
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︎ Jan 29 2021
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks โWhat are you counting?โ
And the guy says โhow many tattoos I have nowโ
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Good job coming dad. (3 year old son after he told me to come eat breakfast)
Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.
He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
After days, it felt nice to finally come clean
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Oldie but a goody. What comes after Sunday?
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︎ Jul 21 2020
What comes after USA?
USB.
P.S: Proud of my daughter.
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︎ May 26 2020
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...
"Oh, it's the peanuts.
They're complimentary."
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︎ May 16 2020
Iโm doing a run of Pokรฉmon: SoulSilver where I name everybody after musical artist puns. Hereโs what Iโve come up with so far- pretty catchy, huh?
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︎ Nov 12 2019
Ms. Richie: Hey, remind me what comes after Do and Re on the musical scale?
Lionel: Hello, is it Mi you are looking for?
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︎ May 26 2020
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him โHow come thereโs no charge?โ
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Liveryโ
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︎ Mar 13 2020
Why did he come home looking depressed after the doctor said he needed to take a pill everyday for the rest of his life?
The Doctor only gave him 4!...
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︎ Feb 12 2020
Dad what comes after fall?
Getting up sweetie.
My daughter didnโt get it right away, wife groaned.
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︎ Sep 17 2019
After browsing recipes on Reddit, I come away believing thereโs only one way to prepare my chicken.
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︎ Jan 04 2020
One comes before two, but onesday comes after twosday.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
I tried to cheer my buddy up by inviting him to a poker night after cows broke into his marijuana store and ate all his product, but he couldnโt come.
He said that the steaks were too high.
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︎ Nov 13 2018
"Dad, how come you didn't name me after you?"
Well, because we named you after your Mom, squirt.
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︎ Aug 28 2019
This one comes from my 6 year old but I thought it belonged here. โWhat did the lightning say after it told a good joke?โ
BOOM! (followed by exploding rock hand gesture)
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︎ Aug 07 2019
What comes after Z?
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︎ Nov 16 2018
What comes after โbeforeโ?
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︎ Jul 12 2018
What comes after you pee?
After you pee, then dee oh double-you enn.
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︎ Jun 13 2018
For those of you who don't think that life comes after death...
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︎ Dec 31 2018
Why do babies come out after 9 months?
Because they get so big, they run out of womb!
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︎ Jan 01 2018
What comes after 2.
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︎ Aug 04 2017
A kids dad comes into his room after hearing him shout.
After saying that his computer kept crashing his dad asked "Well does it have a drivers license?"
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︎ Jan 29 2018
A llama comes home after a hard day at work...
In an effort to cheer him up, his wife says โHoney I have great news! I found a great deal on a vacation for us next week! Weโre going to Peru!โ The husband says โPeru?! Thatโs fantastic! Alpaca suitcase!โ
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︎ Mar 14 2018
What did the boyfriend say after his girlfriend told him to stop reading and come to bed?
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︎ Aug 19 2013
What comes the day after Canadian Thanksgiving?
Canadian Yourewelcomegiving.
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︎ Oct 09 2017
I was visiting D.C (from Baltimore) & took a yoga class. After class, the instructor said "Please come back, we'd love to have you again." I responded...
"namaste in Baltimore, thanks"
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︎ Jun 17 2017
Dad comes in from shoveling snow after the blizzard.
"Hey, Shiznaztm. I gotta go to work later. I'm already working out there. It looks like I'm working Snowvertime today."
Oof...
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︎ Jan 27 2015
Come home after sitting my exam and see my dad poke his head out from the kitchen.
"So how did your maths exam go? Did it all add up?"
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︎ Feb 06 2014
What comes after cucumber?
Rcumber, scumber, tcumber...
(my wife hated this one)
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︎ Oct 15 2013
Mom was wrapping up leftovers after dinner and dad comes up with this.
Mom: ooooh look at that piece. Want it now, or in your package?
Dad: in his package?! No one wants that in their package. I just had a physical. Trust me. You don't want that in your package.
Me: haha thanks for the advice dad. Keep the cheesy potatoes out of my package. I'll remember that one.
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︎ Jul 05 2014
What comes after USA?
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jan 20 2021
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
๐︎ 57
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︎ Nov 25 2020
What comes after USA?
๐︎ 23
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︎ Mar 03 2020
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
๐︎ 94
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︎ Nov 06 2019
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
๐︎ 2
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︎ Nov 06 2019
What comes after thanksgiving?
๐︎ 2
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︎ Nov 25 2016
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