A few puns make me numb.
But math puns make me number.
Sometimes I can't help but otter a few puns.
I HAVE A FEW PUNS ABOUT UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE
I've heard a few puns in my time,
but the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.
I asked my wife to describe me in a few words
She said:
I'm mature
I'm moral
I'm polite
And, by and large, I'm perfect
Don't know why she then accused me of having "a fundamental incapability to understand the proper use of apostrophes and spacing" though....
If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them.
U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them.
It certainly takes the Edge off them.
I recently bought a few tank tops.
Sadly, our captain doesn't want our armoured vehicles to look trendier.
Took my wife to the West Indies on Holiday a few years back
Jamaica?
No - she wanted to go.
A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
I suffered a cerebellar thrombosis a few years back, but I made a full recovery...
You might say it was a lucky stroke...
I actually did have a stroke, btw. Back in '17. Caused by an aneurysm bursting in my brain stem. Was less than fun. But to paraphrase Mel Brooks, if you can laugh at it, you've won.
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why I’m not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
This morning I saw an animal trailer transporting a few female sheep
I thought they were usually ram packed
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
Lots of people know about Harley Quinn but very few people have heard about her twin brother who was stillborn...
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids
then it behooves you to become a centaur.
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken
There were a few irish friends in a pub and one of them was telling a joke about cows but no one laughed.
He should have told a udder joke
I washed a few $20's the other day...
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing
My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.
As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats."
I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits."
HUH?
Because of all the hops they use!
I planted a few hostas around my house, and now they've gotten so big that they've completely outgrown all my other decorative plants.
As an American, it's disappointing that so few people wear vests
Especially since our founding fathers made it a point to guarantee us the right to bare arms
Why are there so few cheese producers in the city?
Because cottage cheese is common, but not skyscraper cheese
When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.
It's because they dilate.
A Few Good Mon. #Shitpun.
There are very few female postal workers..
because the post office is Mail dominated...
A few days too late, but OK.
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.
He lives just a stone throw away.
What does a Mandalorian say when they see they've gained a few pounds?
After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.
One my dad told me a few days ago
Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet? But most only have four.
I asked a few cannibals where they got their thighs
One of them said "Thailand"
I lost a few digits recently when something heavy dropped on my foot. Today I got prosthetics for them.
Comment below if you’d like to see photos of my faux toes.
My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks “What are you counting?”
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
The reason there is so few organ donors is
He needs a few more lessons
This was from a few years back.
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
A few puns make me numb
But math puns make me number
A few puns make me numb
But math puns make me number
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
