A few puns make me numb.

But math puns make me number.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I can't help but otter a few puns.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/observer2017
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I HAVE A FEW PUNS ABOUT UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE

But none of them work

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deanosuprema
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've heard a few puns in my time,

but the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWonderland18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2013
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to describe me in a few words

She said:

I'm mature

I'm moral

I'm polite

And, by and large, I'm perfect

Don't know why she then accused me of having "a fundamental incapability to understand the proper use of apostrophes and spacing" though....

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OpthomacePrime
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
If you meet a person who own a few thousand bees, marry them.

They're a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grublets
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
only few will understand
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoreJoJo
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them.

It certainly takes the Edge off them.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I recently bought a few tank tops.

Sadly, our captain doesn't want our armoured vehicles to look trendier.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Took my wife to the West Indies on Holiday a few years back

Jamaica?

No - she wanted to go.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adam_Gill_1965
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I suffered a cerebellar thrombosis a few years back, but I made a full recovery...

You might say it was a lucky stroke...

I actually did have a stroke, btw. Back in '17. Caused by an aneurysm bursting in my brain stem. Was less than fun. But to paraphrase Mel Brooks, if you can laugh at it, you've won.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vin135mm
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why I’m not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,

β€œYou just haven’t been cutting it lately.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srpjr3795
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
This morning I saw an animal trailer transporting a few female sheep

I thought they were usually ram packed

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megabot3001
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?

Because what he made was stolen!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrguy419
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
Lots of people know about Harley Quinn but very few people have heard about her twin brother who was stillborn...

Manny Quinn

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids

then it behooves you to become a centaur.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twitchard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken

It was all legal tender

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
There were a few irish friends in a pub and one of them was telling a joke about cows but no one laughed.

He should have told a udder joke

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AxhaLat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I washed a few $20's the other day...

A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.

I guess they take money laundering very seriously....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing

The baby was inapparent

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myska707
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.

As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats." I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits." HUH? Because of all the hops they use!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I planted a few hostas around my house, and now they've gotten so big that they've completely outgrown all my other decorative plants.

It's a hostal takeover.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archaelleon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
As an American, it's disappointing that so few people wear vests

Especially since our founding fathers made it a point to guarantee us the right to bare arms

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
Why are there so few cheese producers in the city?

Because cottage cheese is common, but not skyscraper cheese

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Antique_Goose1989
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.

It's because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaachh_Ded
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
Just a few scents
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A Few Good Mon. #Shitpun.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
There are very few female postal workers..

because the post office is Mail dominated...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mike_OxonFaier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
A few days too late, but OK.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anathex_Adv
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.

He lives just a stone throw away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
What does a Mandalorian say when they see they've gained a few pounds?

This is the Weigh.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.

It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
One my dad told me a few days ago

Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet? But most only have four.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked a few cannibals where they got their thighs

One of them said "Thailand"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
I lost a few digits recently when something heavy dropped on my foot. Today I got prosthetics for them.

Comment below if you’d like to see photos of my faux toes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deceze
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...

He makes a bundle!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
The reason there is so few organ donors is

it takes guts.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
He needs a few more lessons
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This was from a few years back.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mclean_836
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A few puns make me numb

But math puns make me number

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/apapipay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A few puns make me numb

But math puns make me number

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jxwtf585
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report

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