My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.

He lives just a stone throw away.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks β€œWhat are you counting?”

And the guy says β€œhow many tattoos I have now”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deepsea333
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad initiation joke... When my wife and son were discharged by the hospital after he was born, they said we have to get a pediatric appointment within the next few days. They said they usually fit new borns in.

I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACSchnitzersport
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
The reason there is so few organ donors is

it takes guts.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are there so few pictures of the 16th President?

Because he was always a blinkin'

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethelabguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.

It was the pizza de resistance.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaelTadh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I did a few laps around the gym today.

Tomorrow I might go in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Damander
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A hockey player collided with another player on the ice and knocked out a few of his teeth.

However it was acci-dental.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

Thanks for every ting.

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.

I don’t know what to make of it.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A dad and son drove by a golf course next to a few houses the son asked β€œwhat happens if the ball lands in the house”

The dad said β€œit’s a home-in-one”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaiah2rod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Took a pretty good picture of the meteor shower a few days ago.
πŸ‘︎ 155
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaunRyk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm going to be working on my next dadjoke over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll keep u posted.

u

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
This just in: 2 men broke into the city bank using nothing more than a few mannequin limbs.

Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power

That’s a lot of wasted votes

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent the past few minutes throwing chickpeas at my cat's feet...

I used the beans to bean the beans.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KatLikeGaming
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Ordered a vacuum a few days back. Good quality, though the product was a little sucky.

https://preview.redd.it/05c4ayjw55m51.png?width=288&format=png&auto=webp&s=40eb4d62a8ab9c00eac11c75f34ac611a41c910d

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I was planning to move to the Arctic circle for a few months.

He said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild.

Except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the few pimps who are characters in The Walking Dead?

The Four Whore’s Men of the Apocalypse

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LookAtTheFlowers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months

Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegoodwookie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.

We've made a massive mistake

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
You ever notice how few Deloreans you see on the road?

I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrambledeggsalad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
There are relatively few films with Dracula in them. On the other hand, films without Dracula...

...are countless.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JellyRollGeorge
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Very few people know about the first ever female vegan

Nobody has heard of herbivore

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Went on a trip a few years ago and the airline asked me if I had any baggage.

Apparently my response of 'only emotional' didn't FLY well!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wallaba4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Haven't been able to find the channel changer in a few days

It must be in a remote location

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamsD351GN
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
For the past few weekends my wife has done nothing but drag me around to look at expensive new countertops

I'm tired of being taken for granite

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zembacraftworks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
It's weird how nobody knew who the Iranian general Soleimani was a few days ago...

It's like he blew up overnight.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aakshaj
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him β€œHow come there’s no charge?”

He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
For the last few months, I’ve been noticing that my teenage son periodically breaks into hives.

I have no idea why he hates bees so much.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was paying for my groceries at the store when I realized I was short a few pennies.

I asked the cashier if they had a take-a-penny leave-a-penny. They said "No", to which I retorted "that doesn't make any cents".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nitevid
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If you are feeling lonely during the lockdown, try buying a few shares from the financial market.

Then you’ll have a little bit of company.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to make my flourless chocolate torte this week, but with a few changes to the recipe.

I guess you could say I dabble in torte reform.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerHikes
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Today while discussing game meats and a kangaroo stew I made a few years back, my coworker pointed out that with the Australian wild fires you won’t be able to get much kangaroo meat these days...

My reply without missing a beat β€” you’ll be able to buy it, you just won’t be able to buy it rare.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sockyg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing.

It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EternalMotivation
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A few weeks ago I was vacationing, but when I realized how serious the coronavirus was in this place

Iran

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/h0ldmycovfefe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was having dinner a few minutes ago, and I came to the conclusion that tofu is really overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.

She said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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