The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.

When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLT5000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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An independent study showed that the average household in America uses 3.14 pumpkins between Halloween and thanksgiving

No wonder they call it pumpkin pi!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.

It's an abomination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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What did the starfish sing when they gained independence?

Sea stars are doin' it for themselves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed ?

At the bottom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Teacher: β€œTrue or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia.”

Student: β€œFalse. It was written in ink.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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I was watching Mysteries at the Museum with my 8-year old daughter when they showed the quills used to write the Declaration of Independence, Constitution & Bill or Rights.

My daughter said, "that makes them the founding feathers, dad."

I've never been so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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I heard they put the declaration of independence in a museum,

They renamed it the decoration of independence.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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Before attacking the alien spaceship in Independence Day the General tells his pilots to fire at will.

Dad: "What did Will do?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rUcKuS858
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2016
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Do you know what I called the painting when I moved out at 18 years old?

The Decoration of Independence.

-My partner's joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bo0pbeeb0op
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Will Smith do so?

Will Smith's property (150 acres) is larger than Vatican City (110 acres). Therefore, if he were to do so, it would not be the smallest country.

That day would be known as independence day.

The country would be a Fresh Principality.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReal_BlueBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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When a man's daughter turned 18 today, so he bought her a locket and put her picture in it.

As he gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, he said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."

...independent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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I met a rather old gentleman sitting on the sidewalk crying. I asked what was the matter.

β€œI’m married to an incredible woman 40 years my junior who likes to make love three times a day. She is the best homemaker and conversationalist and she is independently wealthy. We have the greatest life”.

β€œThat sounds wonderful” I said β€œWhy are you crying?”

β€œI can’t remember where we live!” he wailed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGCToo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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Do you know some words (like color/colour or favorite/ favourite) are spelled differently in the US than in the UK?

It's because when the United States declared independence, they said, "we don't want u anymore."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlakaDAYUM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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My wife and I hung a copy of the US constitution in our house.

We call it the decoration of independence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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Dublin Dad Joke takes the (biscuit) cake
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eoinh100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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My dad said that he got divorced on the 4th of July.

He got the paperwork on the 2nd and waited to sign until the 4th because it's "Independence day"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squach509
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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What do you call an ornament on a Christmas tree that is all by itself?

The Decoration of Independence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
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At the grocery store...

My wife is making "Emerald Salad" for the Independence Day party we are attending. Crusing down the aisles, looking for ingredients...she asks, "Are there nuts in this aisle?" I step in front of her and lock eyes..."Yes, Yes there are nuts in this aisle."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daseined
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
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A rather long dad joke

A few years ago, there was a series of murders that seemed completely independent from one another, aside from two similarities. Each of the victims had received an e-mail the day prior that was typed in all caps, and contained a joke, with the punchline being a play on words. The victims also all had felony convictions. In light of the second fact, many people felt that the murderers were doing a service to the public. Many others disagreed, however, and those against the murders all rallied under the same slogan: End Capital Punishment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
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Finally got to return the favor and dadjoke my dad.

I was watching Michael Collins, a movie about the Irish war of independence, when my dad walked into the room.

"Oh Michael Collins is on, when did it start?" He asked

"Around 1916" I responded

He groaned and then walked out of the room. After many years I have finally gotten him back. This is a pretty big moment for me guys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arcticsandwich
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
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I had a dad joke while working as a to go host at a restaurant.

I was working on the 4th of July. Guy comes in. Orders a burger with a side of French fries. We were out of fries so he decides to order a side soup: French onion. I ring in the order and he goes outside to wait, there were a few other customers out there smoking.

The chef calls the front desk to let me know that we were also out of French onion. It was late at night so this happens occasionally.

I go outside to let him know we were out, so that he can order something else. The other costumers smoking overhear me telling him that "We are out of French onion soup". The guy smoking says "man, you guys are out of French fries too what the heck?"

I chime in "well it is Independence Day."

They all laughed, and the guy ordered the lobster bisk. I high fived myself on the way back to the stand.

Sorry for the lengthy post.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harpo3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2015
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Got dad joked by my boss...

Yesterday, my boss came in and mentioned that our team in India (with whom I work with quite a bit) would not be working tomorrow. I asked him why and he said, "Well, it's the Indian Independence Day..." then with a glint in his eye he said,

"India-pendence Day"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatonekid57
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2014
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I'm 21 and my dad still makes these kind of jokes

Me: Do you know what the percentages were for the Scottish independence voting?

Dad: Yes, I do..

Me: What were they?

Dad: They were different.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpermFed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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Dad Joked by my Roommate

So I was having a late dinner with my roommate on the last day of our reading break, and we ended up on the topic of historical literacy. This is what followed:

RM: "When was the Declaration of Independence signed?"

Me: "1776."

RM: "Yeah, but specifically what was it signed on?"

Me: "Uh, The Fourth of July?"

RM: "No, it was signed on paper."

Needless to say, I double-facepalmed and finished my shake with that weird feeling you get after such a joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toastfan902
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robman2021
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Treyness
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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So I hung up a copy of the US constitution on my wall

I call it the decoration of independence!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kovehshteeble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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