A few puns make me numb.
But math puns make me number.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
Sometimes I can't help but otter a few puns.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
I HAVE A FEW PUNS ABOUT UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
I've heard a few puns in my time,
but the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Jul 13 2013
only few will understand
π︎ 25
π
︎ May 13 2021
U2βs first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them.
It certainly takes the Edge off them.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 20 2021
I recently bought a few tank tops.
Sadly, our captain doesn't want our armoured vehicles to look trendier.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 20 2021
A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
Itβs just a curd to me.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 23 2021
I suffered a cerebellar thrombosis a few years back, but I made a full recovery...
You might say it was a lucky stroke...
I actually did have a stroke, btw. Back in '17. Caused by an aneurysm bursting in my brain stem. Was less than fun. But to paraphrase Mel Brooks, if you can laugh at it, you've won.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 27 2021
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why Iβm not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
βYou just havenβt been cutting it lately.β
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
This morning I saw an animal trailer transporting a few female sheep
I thought they were usually ram packed
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
Lots of people know about Harley Quinn but very few people have heard about her twin brother who was stillborn...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids
then it behooves you to become a centaur.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
There were a few irish friends in a pub and one of them was telling a joke about cows but no one laughed.
He should have told a udder joke
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
I washed a few $20's the other day...
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
In the first few months of my wife's pregnancy she wasn't showing
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 26 2021
My wife and I went to a local brewery last night. Said brewery has quite a few IPA style beers.
As we were leaving, wife says "Gee, they have a lot of feral cats."
I said "Surprised they don't have a lot of feral rabbits."
HUH?
Because of all the hops they use!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
I planted a few hostas around my house, and now they've gotten so big that they've completely outgrown all my other decorative plants.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
As an American, it's disappointing that so few people wear vests
Especially since our founding fathers made it a point to guarantee us the right to bare arms
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
Why are there so few cheese producers in the city?
Because cottage cheese is common, but not skyscraper cheese
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.
It's because they dilate.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
Just a few scents
π︎ 38
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
A Few Good Mon. #Shitpun.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
There are very few female postal workers..
because the post office is Mail dominated...
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
A few days too late, but OK.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
My neighbour has had 45 concussions in the past few weeks.
He lives just a stone throw away.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
What does a Mandalorian say when they see they've gained a few pounds?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I donβt know what to make of it.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...
Ahh. I get it. Itβs a viscous cycle.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
One my dad told me a few days ago
Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet? But most only have four.
π︎ 83
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
I asked a few cannibals where they got their thighs
One of them said "Thailand"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
I lost a few digits recently when something heavy dropped on my foot. Today I got prosthetics for them.
Comment below if youβd like to see photos of my faux toes.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
π︎ 68
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks βWhat are you counting?β
And the guy says βhow many tattoos I have nowβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
The reason there is so few organ donors is
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
He needs a few more lessons
π︎ 45
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
This was from a few years back.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
Dad initiation joke... When my wife and son were discharged by the hospital after he was born, they said we have to get a pediatric appointment within the next few days. They said they usually fit new borns in.
I said, they absolutely have space- heβs only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...
I work with beet boxes and I wrap!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
Why are there so few pictures of the 16th President?
Because he was always a blinkin'
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Took a pretty good picture of the meteor shower a few days ago.
π︎ 159
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
A few puns make me numb
But math puns make me number
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
A few puns make me numb
But math puns make me number
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
Itβs just a curd to me.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.