A botanist tells a joke to another botanist that he finds particularly funny. The first botanist is laughing so hard he can hardly muster a sentence, but manages to say...
That joke was so funny I nearly wet my plants!
I hardly see my transgender friend anymore since he's had a kid. He's trans-parent.
So a friend that hardly ever wears jeans came to school wearing jeans...
When he first saw me he said "Look I'm wearing jeans today" and to that I said "You don't wear jeans you're born with them!"
I was so happy
Choking on food and hardly able to breathe, I scream, "Someone, call me a doctor!"
Dad replies from the other room, "Are you sure son?!"
I say, "Yes, I'm choking!"
Dad: "If you say so. You're a doctor!"
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"
But it's just a curd to me
What do a broken hard drive and a baby have in common?
According to a recent study, it’s really hard for women to work for the Postal Service.
It’s a mail dominated industry.
Why did I have a hard time letting go of the small branch?
Because it was a little sticky.
Playing as a Monk in Dungeons & Dragons isn’t so hard.
You just have to roll with the punches and look out for number one.
When I was a teenager, I tried really hard to find the hypotenuse of a circle
That's when I realized it is pointless.
Why is it so hard being a fish?
They are under pressure their whole life
Dr. Frankestein had a hard time creating his monster's stomach.
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
A tire company got hit hard by the pandemic.
First off, not many people were buying tires, as they were driving less. Then the warehouse got robbed. To add insult to injury, the place caught on fire. For them it really hasn’t been a Goodyear.
Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...
I feel kinda stupid and kinda proud for coming up with this (drawing on a phone is hard)
I find it really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells seashells by the sea shore.
How hard is it to track down a bread thief?
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
making a blade is really hard...
It's sword of complicated.
Its been hard living with a Tampa Bay Rays fan
Why is it so hard to get a date with a girl who likes horses?
Because she is already in a stable relationship...
There was a remake of Die Hard done by fish
The antagonist was Hans Grouper
I don’t know why I have such a hard time putting on a scarf.
I just can’t wrap my head around it.
Why is organizing a professional hide-and-seek tournament hard?
It's hard to find good players.
I have a hard time listening to people explain how to sharpen knives.
It’s very dull at the beginning.
The inventor of Hard and Shoulders shampoo died. At the funeral, his wife gave a 20 minute moving eulogy...
There wasn't a dry scalp in the place!
Its hard as a rock being a dad.
Always taken for granite.
Why did pilots use to have such a hard time flying straight?
All they had was biplanes
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
I asked my eye surgeon if he has had a hard time finding work.
Want to know how to sell a duck to someone who is hard of hearing?
I heard pirates have a hard time with the alphabet
Why did the snowman get a hard on?
He heard the snowblower coming
Being a pubescent male is hard.
Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding puns (pun line underneath)
Because they take things literally
I tried very hard to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.
This might be hard to get, but a Man walks into a tavern and..ahh forget it.
What did the dough say after a hard day of work?
Why do people in Athens have a hard time waking up in the morning?
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
Being a wheelchair user must be wheelie hard to move on especially when someone walks out on you
My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...
She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...
Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.
It is really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
It’s hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
It is hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
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