Last week, I tried out ten new puns
To see if they’d make people laugh... but no pun intended!
Looking for a new pun tat
I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot
A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers
I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly
Any other ideas would be appreciated
My wife asked if I was going to get new puns now that I'm a dad.
I told her the old ones just get grandfathered in.
My new pun...
If you're a Muslim scholar on the side, would that be Allah carte?
Comment with any new puns below
Did you see the new puns subthread?
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.
Check out my new boyfriend!
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
Why do electricians listen to news radio when they work?
To keep up with current events.
Did anyone see the news story about the HIV virus mutating to affect citrus plants?
News flash: A sewage truck exploded on the highway.
Many nearby were left with turd debris burns.
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?
I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?
If good;
The good news is there is no bad news.
If bad;
The bad news is there is no good news.
Breaking news: Fire at Circus
Fire chief says it’s pretty in tents
I asked my grandpa, “How are you enjoying the new stair lift?”
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
Have you guys checked the news today?
Boss: How's that new glue?
I invented a new word today:
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Tragic news! Bruce Willis has died while on viagra medication.
Doctor: “Sir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”
Have you heard the news about the corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!
What does a dad do when he thinks of new jokes?
He tries them on for sighs.
Did you hear about the new bikini documentary?
Its a two part series that's quite revealing.
Good news! I made a potion that makes you cry cakes!
However the first person who tried it is still crying endless tiers!
Breaking news: Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit.
“It’s a little fit bunny.”
I just heard there's a new Canadian strain of covid
People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic
Got ourselves a new forklift at work...
What do you call old news?
Being the new guy can suck
My new thesaurus is terrible.
Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
I’ve started a new job repairing periscopes.
Did you hear the news about Patrick Mahomes?
His baby was 6 pounds sterling.
Not a bad price if you ask me!
An actual headline in Bloomberg news this morning:
"Saudi Arabia Oil Fears Look Well Founded."
I love it when these things occur in nature!
A new variant of head lice has appeared and they are resistant to conventional treatments.
This has left scientists scratching their heads l
Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.
Police say he may be following a pattern.
The evening news just reported a HORRIBLE kidnapping.
Hey did you ever hear about the psychic that only gives you good news?
I heard they opened a new restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest
Careful though, the steaks are high
How does a computer learn new things?
Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
Got a new tattoo
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
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