What do you call it when a transgender interpreter is late to work?

Translate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PO5IT1VE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I met a French guy at my interpreter-training class, we were having conversation about food. And suddenly he said, I like snails.. Why don't Americans eat snails? I was thinking for a second and replied

Because... maybe they like fast food

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AzorChiles
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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A Fluent Affluent Effluent is just a top shit interpreter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TIMISH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
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There's many ways "werewolf" can be interpreted.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peepeebigg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s in love with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I was taught to never use the Oxford comma

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I was surprised when my therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting questions.

I just can’t imagine why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: β€œHow do you know it was going to school?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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I like interpretive dance.

But I'm no mime reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldaddy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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What do you call the daughter of Mr. Interpreted?

Misinterpreted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewGlinski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I tried doing Dramatic Interpretation in high dchool speech, but I stopped because I hated it.

I now suffer from Post Dramatic Stress Disorder Edit: school. Damn mobile keyboards!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I recently went to a dream interpretation course...

...But turns out it was just a freud. Which is sad, especially because it was aimed at jung people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mournclaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse

I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water.

I know he means well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dropanddash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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My daughters interpretation of a knock knock joke

We love Knock knock jokes at dinner. My wife's favorite was Knock knock, who's there, butter, butter who? Butter let me in I gotta poop! The day finally came for my 5 year old daughter to tell it and this was her rendition... Knock knock, who's there, Butter, butter who? Butter me up, I gotta poop!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robthevoid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2015
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My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".

So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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This guy told me he was a programming a computer.

I knew it had to be a code for something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IzzetAGoblin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Well.. I don't think there is many worse things to be inspired by
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Caught my dad red handed on a Facebook post.

Post: (optical illusion type situation) How many water melons are in this picture?

Everyone else: Numerical guesses.

My dad: "all of them"

The people over at r/funny didn't get it- I hope you guys can appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyunicorn2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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I'm Deaf, I teach sign language, and I hadn't heard this Helen Keller joke before.

(Technically I haven't heard any joke before, but...)

I was telling my dad about tactile sign, which is what deafblind people use to communicate. It is like signing condensed ASL with someone's hands on yours, and it is what I plan on specializing in when I am a Certified Deaf Interpreter. He brought up Helen Keller and the conversation went as follows.

Dad: "But how many people can really do that? How many people could really communicate with Helen Keller?"

Me: "Well-"

Dad: "PROBABLY JUST A HANDFUL!"

I'm borderline convinced he deafened me as an infant in hopes that someday the set up for this joke would present itself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haydenkristal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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If you can't find your beer fridge, it's probably done its job for the day.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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Out dad joked by my SO

Last night cuddling with my girlfriend and she says "I love lying here with you." I replied "I once caught a fish and it was 5 foot long and spoke Hebrew." She stared at me, confused. "OK, it's your turn to lie" I say. "Oh right I see. Ha ha very funny" was her reply. She pauses for a moment before rolling over. "That was my lie" she said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ab1kenobe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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Attention whores... psh..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morgo311
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2014
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Waitress asks: "Do you want a box for that?"

Dad: No, but I'll wrestle for it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ulinskir
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
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This got no love over in AskReddit, but figured fellow DadJokers might enjoy

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/309261/whats_the_hardest_english_word_to_pronounce/cpqrd1a

Q: What's the hardest English word to pronounce? A: No, what's not even close to being the hardest word to pronounce. Sheesh.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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My dad tried to make us laugh during dinner with a joke

My family and I were discussing the difference between soul sisters and sisters. My brother pointed out that the quote 'blood is thicker than water' is actually shortened from 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. Dad says 'I guess there's always womb for interpretation.' Ba dum, tsss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CATSHARK_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2014
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Homonyms and my dad

Let me start off by saying that we live in the US. The reason why I'm mentioning that will make more sense. Because it might not be applicable to other countries. I had some recent hospital tests done for kidney stones (no fun). While visiting my parents I was talking about all the tests they had to do, and my mother said something about a test she had to do in the past.

"I didn't even talk to them but to interpret the scan they sent me a $30 bill"

My dad, "I don't think they've ever made a $30 bill"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sorkijan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
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