Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives?

Because they offer koalaity service.

Credit where credit is do... my wife just said that out of nowhere.

I love her so much

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JophTheFreetrader
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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We hired a guy that was a Veterinarian as a sales representative...

he finally decided to take his career seriously and stopped monkeying around.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Why wasn't the pachyderm representative taken seriously at last year's animal convention?

Everyone else thought his opinions were irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WillSmithsBoobs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
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Las Vegas is known as β€œSin City”, but which sin does it represent?

NV.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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I’m representing a man in court today charged with tippexing all the full stops out of books.

I’m expecting a long sentence

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jepeggys
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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What common chemical compound can be represented: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O

H2O

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ttocs77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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What type of people represent bike shops?

Spokesmen.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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I was hired to represent the hard outer layers of cereal grain in a positive light and by doing so help to increase awareness and sales.

I'm a bran ambassador.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Animals should be used to represent school subjects...

English should be a hawk, they have good eyes, and you need good eyes for reading. History should be bowhead whales since they’ve lived through more than anyone else. And finally, maths should be snakes, I hear they’re great Adders.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalName172
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know the letter β€œH” in marriage represents happiness?
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimtoodeep
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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My favorite pun
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piediepiedie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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There are 10 kinds of people.

Those that understand binary and those who dont.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deaderson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Scientists have discovered a new element in the periodic table.

The element will be represented by the letters AH. This is of course the element of surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unikorn9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Dude, where’s my
πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcus-Prince
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is 1 = 0 ??

Cos 0 = 1

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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I want to write a spanish crime show about a lawyer who represents avocado farms.

It would be called El Avocado Abogado.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaskan_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Lawyer Pup will proudly represent you pro bone-o.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reeal2g
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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There was a boy..

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said β€œI am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said β€œNo way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad β€œYou cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked β€œwell, what is it?”

He said β€œDave Buttlicker”.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Transitionals
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a member for a royal court who you can hire for cheap to represent you in a rap-battle?

A dis-count.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeframecochrane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Intelligent
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies and gentlemen, a classic pun right here
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nefariousmonkey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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I wonder why
πŸ‘︎ 312
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePinkPanda205
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Genie: I grant you three wishes

Me: I want a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, your three wishes are over

Me: I still have two left!

Genie: Sue me

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fool_of_atook
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign Language

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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What represents drums?

A cymbal.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditurded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
🚨︎ report
2 old puns are better than 1, drawings by friend at work
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rayraegah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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My dad yesterday. I figured it was best represented by an enthusiastic stick figure. imgur.com/jOB7HeK
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatadaydanny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report
East Coast Represent!

Last night my wife and I were getting some of our things together in preparation for a vacation this weekend.

Wife: there's just too much to pack

Me: Yeah, it's not a Biggie

Wife:... shakes head sadly

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VanTil
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Attention Punners

I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AWESOMEDUDE0614
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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What do you get when you have 16 copies of The Wizard of Oz?

The Wizard of Lb

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonnet155
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor yesterday. He said I have onomatopoeia. I asked him if it was bad.....

Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluebugs23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Vowels

The wife and I were discussing how well our son was doing with learning his vowels.

Me: I've heard him say A, E, and I, now he just needs to get O and U.

Wife: He's also saying Y, have you heard him say that yet?

Me: Sometimes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spyrulfyre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
🚨︎ report
How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

πŸ‘︎ 917
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πŸ‘€︎ u/369damnurfine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
🚨︎ report
I once drew a Venn Diagram to explain my use of puns to my wife

We had been cooking dinner, and my wife commented (after one too many comments about 'Gouda being gooda and Feta being Betta') that it seemed like most of my puns tend to be food puns.

So I drew her a diagram. I started with a huge circle to represent all of my puns. Inside that I drew a large circle filling about 90% of it.

"Those are my food puns."

I then drew another circle, this one about half the size of the food circle, with almost all of it inside the food circle.

"And these are my cheese puns."

My wife immediately called me out, pointing at the sliver that was outside of the food circle.

"Shouldn't this be fully inside the other circle?"

"No," I say, "Those puns are rare, but they tend to be cheesiest."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xahhfink6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
All my dad jokes come with TLC

Once there was this farmer and he had this dream of having a duck. Then one day he saw this duck and started to chase it. He chased it all throughout the farmland. He chased it through a forest. He chased it past a river. All his life, he spent chasing this duck but he never caught it. He died all alone, old and hungry and without the duck. See, the duck represents your dreams, and the other opportunities, they represent other opportunities. So the moral of the story? Don't go chasing water fowls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarlBar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Hi Hungry, it's Dad. I have an important update for you.

Starting on the 1st of December and running until the 10th, /r/dadjokes will be self-post only. This 10 day trial is being conducted to measure the overall effect on post quality. We hope to see a reduction in posts that exist purely for karma-gaming, and an increase in posts that represent our favourite dad jokes and stories.

This is not a ban on images. You may still link to pictures within your self-post - but you will no longer receive karma for doing so. Also as a suggestion try and be witty about it, don't just post pictures as the only content in the post. If there is a story behind it (involving your dad or anyones dad) then give that more of a preference and use the picture as a supporting arm for the joke, remember to be nice and the punnier the better.

As always, we're open to hearing your thoughts on the matter - and this thread will be stickied for the 10 days so that you can pop in and let us know how you feel the trial is going.

πŸ‘︎ 275
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parin89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad just texted me this so I think it counts.

Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.

Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.

Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GHOSTWRlTlNG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Finals of the national trivia quiz in Foodlandia.

Foodlandia is a country where every city is named after a food and every city has a guild to represent it in competitions and such.

It was the finals of the national city vs. city trivia quiz and the two remaining contestants were guilds from Curry City and Pasta City.

The final question was "Which is the most popular pet in Foodlandia?". Each city's guild put their answer in a sealed envelope and they were stored for the next days big reveal.

On the next morning the officials went to retrieve the envelopes and they found a horrific sight, a dead spy from Pasta City and in his hand an opened envelope with a paper inside that read "Curry City Guild: The Cat".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Bags
 My dad just placed a brown paper bag on his head and asked the room, "What city am I representing?"
 After several moments of confused looks, he responded with, "Baghdad!"
 I've never been more proud of him. 
πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lrtizzle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I made a Venn Diagram to explain my pun usage...

So storytime... My wife and I were talking about my overuse of puns, and food/cheese puns in particularly (that's goud-a but this one's feta, etc.) I ended up drawing a Venn diagram.

The largest circle was my total puns, inside it was a second circle representing food puns, with a third showing cheese puns. I was trying to show that a majority of all of my puns are food related, and many of those are cheese related.

Something like this: http://i.imgur.com/nPdi07H.jpg

My wife immediately told me I did it wrong, that some of the cheese circle was outside of the food puns.

I told her that those are rare, but are often the cheesiest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xahhfink6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
I need a title for an essay about an eggtimer and waves.

Its an essay over the movie Cast Away and its about how the eggtimer, from the beggining of the movie, represents mechanical time(clocks) and how the waves on the island represent biological time(the human life cycle). Give me the best you've got!

Edit: I have untill tuesday (10/13/13)

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jumpr247
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
🚨︎ report

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