"But he didn't listen!"
I can stop any time.
I think they called it Allah carte
King Midas saying that this sandwich is gold.
They made out like bandits.
...writing: "I have a music album". 🎶
...versus: "I have a musical bum". 🎺
But that’s just how I roll
If I tell a joke about a banana peel I have a tendency to slip up and I butcher all the jokes about meat.
You could say it's my maison d'être.
Spoonerism: a verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.
"That's the fastest I've moved in years!"
Your face says et al.
I wanna punt all the spunky diction pundits, that attempt to expunge the joy from punsters, right in their puny footballs. They're punks who attempt to puncture holes in our word play, finding it punitive to their, self described, punticulously crafted humor. The pungent smell of their looming punishment is in the air . Now is the punctual time to place the punctuation on this punchline.
An example of a good dilemma? No problem!
'How?' he asked.
I said, 'At the bottom of my son's homework you put 'A for effort' when clearly it starts with an E.'
I noticed a couple of really cute ground squirrels that have started a little community next to the soccer field at our college campus, and pointed them out. This was his reply.
DH: Oh man, they’re adorable! Can you buy one of those at a pet store? I wonder how much they’d gopher....
I get texts like this often
My dad sends my whole family his mini movies
"Written, voice & Directed by me. Moon played your mother."
I have read that puns are not a feature of German humour...
So are German Dad's humourless? I doubt it.
Some examples of German (or any other non-English) Dad jokes please!
(Under breath but loud enough that everyone can hear) guess he was really Puttin some work in
My sister's conversation with my dad about where to go to college.
"Oh God, that's way too far from home." - sister
"How many times do I have to tell you? Don't call me God in public"
A few years ago, I was in Radiography School with the Army. During our Basic Medical Orientation class, our instructer asked my class to give an example of a soft tissue.
I replied, "I can name two; Charmin and Puffs!"
I spent the remainder of class in the "Front Leaning Rest" position. Well worth it
"Dad, Im thirsty!" Dad - "You're thirsty? Well Im Friday!"
"Im just going to hop in the shower quick" Dad - "Just stand still while your in there"
"Im running out to the store do you need anything?" Dad "Yes, but take the car it'll be much quicker"
Dad - "Does your face hurt" Me " No, why?" Dad " 'Cause it's killing me!"
These go on and on. He's a great guy - made my childhood a very happy one.
Cousin: I'm gonna go take a shower. Uncle: Bring it back when you're done... Me on the inside: facepalm
...but he didn't listen...