[Dark] Reports came out that suicide rates actually dropped during the pandemic despite people's worst fears. I guess it's true what they say...

No noose is good noose.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ClawBadger
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.

Da brie was everywhere!

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.

They're con artists.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

πŸ‘︎ 222
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Lifeguards are sad to report the drowning of a hippie last night.

He was too far out, man.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada

He said he got an "eh".

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_draw_the_comics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"

And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.

It's been reported he could have done with another coat.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Owl to cop: β€œI’d like to report an incident..”

Cop: Giggling β€œDo you know HOO dunnit?” Owl: β€œSir, eight people were murdered” Cop: O_O

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the fish have a bad report card?

because his teacher was crappe

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buddistnuddist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
News report accidentally a pun
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Islarf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes

I feel so defeeted.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
These are very important lab-reports
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians

It was a bombshell

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MRTJ115
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.

Turns out it was an isolated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddnvb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The news always reports on violations of human rights

But what about their lefts?

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's

I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashwynee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.

I said, β€œit’s a bit muggy.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?

She grated it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/franticsword
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Hippie Weather Report
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A news report claims terrorists have begun putting explosives inside cans of Alphabetti Soup.

If one goes off it could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I wish I had something to submit my report in cursive

But all I have is a printer

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
New report indicates widespread overheating at an alarming rate, mainly in stadiums

Must be the lack of fans.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loosebutt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss thought the spacing in my report was weird

But I felt it was justified

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A status report from the department of justice
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A historical report about Finland said that they all died...

They were Finnished

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thats-MEan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…

I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs

It was a completely miss-leading report

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BitchyPolice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...

"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffy627
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood

Turns out it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 168
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Hard_Feelings_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood

Unfortunately it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingbeans312
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because he was mugged

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SHeight06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
why did the coffee file a police report?

because It was mugged!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JodeneBorg
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The news always reports on violations of human rights

But what about their lefts?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got MUGGED

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report

It got mugged

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaackyboi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather died because the report said that he needed Type-A blood

Unfortunately, it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oldgenmemelord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the teacher do with the students report on the history of Cheese

She grated it!

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.