News Puns

To see if they’d make people laugh... but no pun intended!

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

I told her the old ones just get grandfathered in.

If you're a Muslim scholar on the side, would that be Allah carte?

Reddit already.

Me: 👌

More on this after the break.

Me: "and?"

“It’s a little fit bunny.”

"Saudi Arabia Oil Fears Look Well Founded."

I love it when these things occur in nature!

Police say he may be following a pattern.

It's The Happy Medium

That way, I always make a grand entrance.

That there was a new Gerard Butler movie: "Capitol Hill has Fallen"

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

We're a cover band

They say I have outstanding loans!

One of them isn't Happy.

Gonna be their spokes person

The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone

ripped off

I like to buff up on currant events.

I keep hearing the same ones over and over and over again.

What sound does a tree make?

It barks

I already put myself down

It will be called FroYo Information.

https://preview.redd.it/0v9ktic4jrc61.png?width=462&format=png&auto=webp&s=71d4573f3dce3295220e65c8756cfa02b7319211

Hundreds of pirates returned home to Penzance to celebrate Christmas with their families.

Apparently the Arrrr rate has increased dramatically.

.....only 2 more sleeps till Xmas.

Because all the leaves are brown.

but I decided I better sleep on it first

I don’t know, Alaska. (I’ll ask her)

I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".

I told them I had no interest in joining Jehovah's Fitness.

I can see myself working there

1280 x 768

That’s because it hasn’t come out yet

Thanks for the Baghdad!

But they’re having trouble installing windows.

They told me they were looking for someone responsible! I told them this was perfect, whenever something went wrong at my old job they always said I was responsible.