I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.

He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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This case has been a stain on our reputation.

We need to solve it quickly. Send for Det. Urgent

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/shouldExist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What do FedEx’s reputation and a good dad joke have in common?

It’s all about the delivery man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forevercha0s
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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Why do photographers have such a bad reputation?

They are always framing people.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Brackeen_
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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I have a reputation amongst my friends for cheesy dad jokes this one is the one I'm most proud of.

So I cut my hand quite badly and had to go to get stitches.

The doctor's sewing me up and I remember an old joke that I swore I'd use should the oppurtunity ever arise.

I says "Doc, when this heals up am I gonna be able to play the piano?"

Doctor says "Of course."

I say "that's odd I wasn't able to play the piano before."

The doctor then sets me up for a little improv, he laughs politely and says "funny"

I say "Doc! I'm funny? You've got me in stitches."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BruceWaynesWorld
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Why did the Horse Whisperer have a reputation as a pessimist?

Because he was a famous neigh-sayer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pomegranate2012
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Why do Pirates have a reputation for "aaarrr"-ing. (x-post /r/history ...kind of)

Because they got tired of queuing and moved on

(actual referenced post)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/chairfairy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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People can be really salty sometimes.

It's because they don't want to garnish their reputation..

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShapedHam
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Houdini was a really great man when he was alive.

But after he died, he was just an average cadaver.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself β€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, β€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts β€œtree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. β€œWell I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, β€œAhhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping β€œbulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. β€œWELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman β€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says β€œoh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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How does a farmer count his cows?

He uses a COWculater.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thesandman28
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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I ordered a reversible jacket online with my debit card from a company of ill repute (1 star on Amazon)

Hopefully it will turn out OK.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Dadjoked my girlfriend at dinner.

So we were eating dinner tonight, which is a rare treat because our work hours don't leave much overlapping free time. I had a dark glass with white wine with dinner. She asked what I was drinking, and I decided to recall a friend's joke.

Gf: boss_ginger, what are you drinking? Me: Oh, just water. Do you want it? I can pour another glass. Gf: Please, thank you. takes sip ... Gf: This is wine... Me: Raises hands into the air, leans back in chair Praise the LORD and his miracles!

πŸ‘︎ 737
πŸ‘€︎ u/boss_ginger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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The criminal charge

A young lady had a problem because this other gal looked almost exactly like her, but had a nasty vocabulary. Nobody wanted to be around her anymore because the foul-mouthed girl really harmed her reputation.

So the lady in question decided to push the foul-mouthed look-alike off of the top roof of the Empire State Building. However, after doing this, she was soon arrested. Guess what she was charged with?

Making an obscene clone fall.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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A lumberjack died in the woods...

There once was a lumberjack who was known as the hardest working lumberjack in the woods. Old Doolittle Dawort Deigh had a reputation and the complete respect of his coworkers for nearly 60 years. As we all know, tough lumberjacks can’t have sissy names. So many years ago, as was the tradition in the woods, old Doolittle Dawort Deigh was saddled with a nickname and had become known as simply Do Dah.

One tragic afternoon, old Do Dah was working his trade when a tree happened to fall the wrong way. Poor old Do Dah was squished flatter than a lumberjack flapjack. His coworkers, distraught at the thought of breaking the news of Do Dah’s death to his elderly wife, decided that perhaps if bad news was presented in a somewhat good way, it might soften the blow.

So that afternoon, old Do Dah’s fellow lumberjacks gathered on the stoop of the now widowed Mrs. Deigh and hesitantly knocked on the door. It took a few minutes for the old widow to make it across the room to the door. Finally as the door creaked open, the chorus of lumberjacks launched into a rousing rendition of

β™ͺ Guess who died in the woods today β™« Do Dah, Do Dah. β™« Guess who died in the woods today Old Do Dah Deigh. ♬

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ‘€︎ u/philo-sopher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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There was a train operator who had a really bad temper.

There was a train operator who had a really bad temper. Nobody liked him. He would always bark at people and be aggressive towards them. One day an 18 year old girl tried to get on his train near its departure time, but being the man he was, he started moving the train, she fell under it and died. The man was immediately hauled off to court where he was sentenced to desth by electric chair. So they strapped him in and pressed the switch, but nothing happend. Baffled, they let him go. The operator thought long and hard about his actions and decided to improve his life. So when an old woman tried to get on his train near the departure time and seeing her, he waited for her to get on. Unfortunately she tripped, fell, and died. He was hauled off to court again and due to his past reputation, he was sentenced to death by electric chair again. This time when they pulled the switch he was shocked and he died.

Why did it work this time, but not the first time? The first time he was a bad conductor, but the second time he was a good conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
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I wood makes up some real good puns but i dont want to tarnish my reputation. Ive been told i wood get better if i polish up my grammar and branch out a little. Ill leaf you all be now.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diet_Goomy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.


... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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