Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.
Someone asked about extra credit.
Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"
Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"
I interrupted the conversation and said "you mean the acCOWntants?"
This was over a month ago and I still proudly think about that joke.
Czechs and balances.
My reply: "He must be cooking the books."
She just stared at me...
Finance was his principal interest.
>Do you know where the smartest and most reasonable people work? > At the US mint, because all they do is make cents!
I thought it was over and then two minutes further into the lecture.... >Do you know where else really smart and reasonable people work? > At a perfume factory! All they do is make scents!
Now I am just sitting here posting this and trying to think of more puns...
...where everybody counts.
Me: Man, it's a great feeling to hand in these tax returns I've been sitting on for a week.
Him: I usually just put them on my desk.
Someone brings up Instagram in class.
"I married my husband, and he already had grandchildren."
"I guess that makes me an Instagram!"
I was doing some accounting homework when...
Me: What is the acid test ratio?
Dad: States what the acid test ratio is.
Me: Thanks, I should have known that.
Dad: it's okay it's not basic knowledge.
If he sues, is this a pillow case? Or a sham?
Because you’re now a steakholder
Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.
Cause I’m always checking to see if there’s money.
You have my word.
Not a single fan.
A Civil Serpent.
They were Prime mates.
Because it's accrual world out there.
but I've slowly gained interest
Son: “I hate crumbs.”
Me: “That’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”
Son: “Well I don’t want to eat them.”
Me: “And they don’t want to eat you.”
Son: “Crumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”
Me: “What if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”
Son: “And I’d say you’re ducking weird.”
It’s a balancing act
He said “No, I’m adulting you.”
My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.
An accountant (account'nt)
Steven, he works in Accounting.
I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it
At the end of the day it's evening
He worked it out with a calculator.
The thieves were easily idefinied from all of the iWitness accounts
I call it my hedge fund
They were Prime-mates!
These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.
Man: No problem Sir. What’s the name of your previous bank?
You might say he is a karma chameleon
"At the U.S. mint because all they do all day is make cents"
....what a knee slapper
They just couldn’t budget
You have my Word.
They were Prime mates.