A traffic jam
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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How do you make a traffic jam?

With a traffic fruit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralMattsamus
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I don’t understand why people like traffic jams so much.

They always line up for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrButter8
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Hate getting stuck in a traffic jam...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanConChris
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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What do you call a depressed traffic jam?

Bummer to bummer traffic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Printer or Traffic. This ink cause a jam.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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I don't like traffic jams.

I much prefer strawberry or raspberry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Why did the USSR have so many traffic jams?

Stalin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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I saw a huge traffic jam involving several semi trucks

It was a big rigamarole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaneyruadh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
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What do they call a traffic jam in the Lincoln Tunnel?

A Linkin Park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthracite4
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
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traffic jam imgur.com/CVopMcW
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgn5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2014
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What do cars put on their toast for breakfast?

Traffic jams!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?

A Lot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/semanticdm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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What happened when a strawberry decided to cross the road?

There was a traffic jam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saaiduck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What is Alanis Morissette's favorite jelly?

A traffic jam...when she's already late.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebobstu
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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I drove by a truck carrying canned orange juice and I almost got into an accident.

I should have concentrated on the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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A Punny Gift
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KokopelliArcher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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What’s the worst kind of jelly to put in your PB&J?

Traffic Jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonBonleone
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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So a teenage boy asks a girl out to prom

He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.

So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.

Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.

On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!

So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"

So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?

There's no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/infinityglitches
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Ok, which one of you posted this ad?

http://i.imgur.com/jKAo88N.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheButtlady
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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A jelly tanker overturned

It made a lot of traffic jam

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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What type of jam you cannot put on bread

Traffic jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/propiggymaster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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A Safeway truck spilled a crate of strawberries on the highway today.

It created a real traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Minnow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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I was sitting in traffic this morning when I noticed the guy in the car next to me was playing an electric guitar.

On the other side was someone doing the same, and behind me was a person on a full drum kit. In the car in front was a guy with a mic screaming out some kind of song. None of the cars were moving, they were all just rocking out playing music. It was at that moment that I realised I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chimpocalypse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
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Four year old daughter just dropped this one on me

What do roads eat?

Traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thom612
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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What are car's favorite food?

Traffic jam

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spiderkid2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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You should always take a road map and a pair of scissors in the car with you.

"Why, dad?" I stupidly ask.

"So if you're stuck in a traffic jam you can take out your map and cut up a side street"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord21K
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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My dad at a drive through

I remember this from when I was around 12 or so. My dad was in a convenient store drive thru and he was about the 5th car in line. When we finally get to our turn, the cashier says "sorry for the long wait, we had a little traffic jam there". My dad responds "hey, at least people weren't on foot, then you'd have a toe jam".

Ugh...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmc32986
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
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Traffic.

A teacher, who is a dad.

Student comes in late for class.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: (pause) traffic jam.

Teacher: Buy a bread to spread the jam.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orangenoir
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhereFudgeIsMade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Why did someone smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Why did the girl put peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

(credit to keiffer)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hedgiehogs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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Why did Sally put peanut butter on the sidewalk?

To go with the traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirge77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
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I asked my dad what his least favorite type of music was.

Traffic jams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rmoss20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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