The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.

I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeteAllan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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What did Scooby say when the Mystery Van hit a pothole?

Rut Road

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Operation Pothole
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastAccount29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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It's a pothole.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tobi9910
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Jim was riding his bike with his friend Bill when he hit a pothole and flew over his handlebars...

He was badly injured, and yelled to his friend, "Quick! Call me a doctor!"

Bill said, "I don't really see how that will help, but if you insist: 'You're a doctor!'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahatmaGuru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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A am a pedicab operator and sometimes we hit potholes.

My new favorite line is "It's not my fault, it's the asphalt"

Stolen from Adam. He seems to get laughs. I'm like 30% and rising. Delivery is everything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maadvocate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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I tried to bury some old cookware but I couldn't find a spot anywhere to put my pans.

All I saw were potholes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red667
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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What do you call it when a stoner buries his stash?

A pothole.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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Made a good one while dropping the kids off at daycare this morning

My wife and I are driving down the pothole-filled road to our daycare, which is in a church.

As we pull up, I say, "It's fitting that daycare is in a church, because this is a really holy road."

The resulting groan was proof that I have made it as a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsamamaluigi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
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A classic joke my dad tells

My dad is a truck driver. This story gets everyone he's ever told it to: Dad: "So I'm driving through Detroit at about 3-4am to start my route. As you know, most of the inner city roads are crap, and are polluted with potholes. Suddenly I see an ambulance in my mirror going full speed with its lights on. I immediately pull off to the side of the road to let it pass. This is where it gets crazy... The ambulance drives through the intersection bouncing through potholes and as it does, the back door flies open and a cooler pops out, but the ambulance keeps going like nothing happened. Well I was the only one around at that time of the night so I immediately stopped to grab the cooler. I bring it into my cab and it has a hazmat sticker on it but the seal is broken. So I decided to open it up and see what was inside. It was a human toe!" Me: "Holy shit! What did you do!?" Dad: "I called the toe truck"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rylon2008
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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The Worst Chauffeur

I work dispatch for an executive transportation company. The owner's name Is Matt. While talking to one of the chauffeurs, Matt's name prompted this.

You know what they call a guy with no arms, no legs and is lying next to a door? Matt.

He continues... Same guy is sitting in a pothole, what do you call him? Phil. And if he's in the swimming pool, we call him Bob. Put him up on the wall and his name is Art. Hang two of him on the wall and we call them Kurt and Rod!

I couldn't bring myself to respond. It was too brilliant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearberr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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