Was driving by the prison the other night when I saw a midget climbing down from a window.
I said to myself, that’s a little condescending
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....
.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
So, how was your experience driving on snow in Spain?
I was driving from Illinois to Oklahoma but I got lost.
I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it.
Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle.
When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed.
Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...
Me: Why?
Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!
When you're driving but can't see that well...
Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.
https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv
Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U
I was driving through Las Vegas when I saw an ant riding a gazelle to a wedding chapel.
It was my first time seeing an ant elope.
When driving past a cemetery:
“See that cemetery kids? That must be a really nice one.”
“Why do you say that Dad?”
“People are just dying to get in there”
I just thought of this today as I was driving... I’m sorry in advance 😂 I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges
It was kinda pointless...
My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 jumped out of the way.
I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.
It was a poutine traffic stop.
I was driving and I saw a packet of crisps and I asked “want a lift?”
They said “no thanks we’re walkers”
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, “THE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”
It might be farmer Geddon.
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.
They’re going to call it the iAye
This guy was driving on the left side of the road
He just didn't choose the right thing
What do you call a bunch of people in a car driving through a big tube?
I got pulled over the other day driving 120mph
When the cop got to my window he said “I’ve been waiting on you all day”
I said “I got here as fast as I could”
A magician was driving down the street
and then he turned into a driveway.
I got lost while driving my suicidal friend to the hospital.
I should have seen the signs.
Driving the neighborhood, I told my son we would use the odometer to measure out our Turkey Trot 5k
> Son: It's gonna take a lot of yard sticks.
What is the worst way to learn driving ?
I was driving through Portland, Augusta, and Bangor and was disappointed that I couldn't find any lobster.
I thought that was their Maine attraction.
I was driving with my dad through a town we hadn't been through.
At a point he turned to me and said "we're near the dead center of this town."
"What makes you think that?"
He points past me and I turn to see a sign for the city cemetery.
An old man was driving his carpool through a tunnel and he said,
"These are the carpool tunnels."
Someone complimented me on my driving the other day.
Left a note on the windscreen; Parking Fine!
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
I’m driving through England, and am supposed to stay in Greenwich for a day or two.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
How did we know we were driving through Amish country?
By the bad Yoder in the air.
This one is driving me crazy...
Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem...
“Why do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”
🙄🙄🙄😑😑😑
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
You hear about the cop who got busted for driving while intoxicated?
He thought he was supposed to protect and swerve.
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside..
So I decided to call a toe-truck.
True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"
After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"
I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said “Look Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”
I said “I sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”
i turned left on the wrong street while driving...
too late i found the error of my waze.
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says “Don’t you know when to stop?” The woman says...
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I don’t.
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.
I told him they only do Caesar cuts.
Was out driving. Hit a streetlamp.
While driving from Oklahoma to Illinois, I got lost on the way.
I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.
A magician was driving down the street when BOOM!
He turned into a driveway.
We were driving yesterday, and suddenly my wife turned to me and said, “Hey, you missed a right”.
I said, “Thanks babe. You MRS. right.”
I am driving through England on a road trip, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.
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