Was driving by the prison the other night when I saw a midget climbing down from a window.

I said to myself, that’s a little condescending

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awag80
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....

.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, β€œHey, you missed a right!”

I said, β€œThanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
So, how was your experience driving on snow in Spain?

sPainful

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucascp17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
I was driving from Illinois to Oklahoma but I got lost.

I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...

I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it.

Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle.

When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed.

Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.

I just never saw what the big dill was.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...

Me: Why?

Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
When you're driving but can't see that well...

Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.

https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv

Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guriboysf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
I was driving through Las Vegas when I saw an ant riding a gazelle to a wedding chapel.

It was my first time seeing an ant elope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
When driving past a cemetery:

β€œSee that cemetery kids? That must be a really nice one.”

β€œWhy do you say that Dad?”

β€œPeople are just dying to get in there”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fraggle_captain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I just thought of this today as I was driving... I’m sorry in advance πŸ˜‚ I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges

It was kinda pointless...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BooperdDooper48
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.

The other 2 jumped out of the way.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.

It was a poutine traffic stop.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving and I saw a packet of crisps and I asked β€œwant a lift?”

They said β€œno thanks we’re walkers”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeTramp7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, β€œTHE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”

It might be farmer Geddon.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.

They’re going to call it the iAye

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockhardManstrong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy was driving on the left side of the road

He just didn't choose the right thing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youse_tobail32
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of people in a car driving through a big tube?

Carpool Tunnel

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeRocker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I got pulled over the other day driving 120mph

When the cop got to my window he said β€œI’ve been waiting on you all day”

I said β€œI got here as fast as I could”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citizen_wildcard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A magician was driving down the street

and then he turned into a driveway.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I got lost while driving my suicidal friend to the hospital.

I should have seen the signs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Driving the neighborhood, I told my son we would use the odometer to measure out our Turkey Trot 5k

> Son: It's gonna take a lot of yard sticks.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the worst way to learn driving ?

Through a crash course.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaduteemon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving through Portland, Augusta, and Bangor and was disappointed that I couldn't find any lobster.

I thought that was their Maine attraction.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faceless-Pronoun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad through a town we hadn't been through.

At a point he turned to me and said "we're near the dead center of this town."

"What makes you think that?"

He points past me and I turn to see a sign for the city cemetery.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/strykr316
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
An old man was driving his carpool through a tunnel and he said,

"These are the carpool tunnels."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XPSU
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone complimented me on my driving the other day.

Left a note on the windscreen; Parking Fine!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.

Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greg_zielinski
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m driving through England, and am supposed to stay in Greenwich for a day or two.

Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How did we know we were driving through Amish country?

By the bad Yoder in the air.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonofbro4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This one is driving me crazy...
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyledreeling10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem...

β€œWhy do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”

πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.

Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baileywiki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
You hear about the cop who got busted for driving while intoxicated?

He thought he was supposed to protect and swerve.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Entree_The_Giant
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside..

So I decided to call a toe-truck.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaPlymouth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my daughter when she suddenly pointed her finger to an orange sign and said β€œLook Daddy, Road Works Ahead!”

I said β€œI sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chronic_Avidness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
i turned left on the wrong street while driving...

too late i found the error of my waze.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samyxxx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman driving a minivan with 7 hyperactive kids gets pulled over for running a red light. The cop says β€œDon’t you know when to stop?” The woman says...

They’re not all mine.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I don’t.

I would steer clear.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
While driving down in a part of town we don't usually visit, my 12yo son noticed and mentioned a barber shop named Roman Palace.

I told him they only do Caesar cuts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwdavisii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Was out driving. Hit a streetlamp.

Only had light damage.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mundane_days
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
While driving from Oklahoma to Illinois, I got lost on the way.

I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A magician was driving down the street when BOOM!

He turned into a driveway.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VintageVitaminJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
We were driving yesterday, and suddenly my wife turned to me and said, β€œHey, you missed a right”.

I said, β€œThanks babe. You MRS. right.”

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I am driving through England on a road trip, and I’m supposed to be in Greenwich tomorrow.

Not too sure what to do in the Mean Time.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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