My dad was driving, when we were passing by a graveyard he said:
-hey. Do you know that the poeple who lives in this city, arent allowed to be buried here?
-no. Why?
-because they are still alive
As we're driving through an industrial area, kid asks, "Why does this place smell terrible?"
Me: It's an olfactory response.
I’m driving through England, and will be staying in Greenwich tomorrow.
Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.
The bus I took to school was driving on a new sort of fuel.
Apparently, it was driving on time
I was taught by my driving instructor to hold the steering wheel at 10 & 2 o clock
At other times i would just crash.
I saw a hummer driving by on the highway today…
It was just humming along.
.
TLDR: (This was an actual thing my dad said after we were passed by a hummer. Can’t get any more dadjoke then straight from the Dad!)
The very first self-driving vehicle was invented by the Amish in the 1700's...
..the horse was great, the car was a little buggy.
Glasses make driving safer..
Provided that they're worn instead of emptied.
My dad was ready to roll in on the jokes when coming to pick me up after school in his "DIY self-driving" car. Everyone knows though...
My wife started making art by putting paint on her wheels and driving them all over the canvas.
not to brag, but they all look like van Gogh's
Driving over a crossing, I told my son a train had just went through
I took a crash course on driving
And yet they blame me for the car accident
Ole and Lena were driving home from town when Ole hit a momma skunk and managed to miss her 3 babies.
Lena could not leave them on the side of the road so they scooped the babies up and put them in the car. As they drove the baby skunks managed to make their way from the floor up Lena's dress and settled on her lap. Lena looked at Ole and said "the skunks are under my dress". Ole said "Zat's OK dear zey are settled down". Lena said "Vhat about the smell?". Ole said, "Oh, don't worry dear they will get used to it!"
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
People might like the idea of driving a transparent car, but I don’t.
I know an ant who's been driving ride shares for a while and just switched to Lyft
My wife has been taking a course in advanced electrics and it's taken over her life. Everything she says these days concerns resistors, transformers, circuitry, voltage, ampage etc. All fucking day long, I've tried explaining to her it's driving a wedge between us, but she won't listen to reason.
She just buries her head in the sand like an off switch.
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
Recently, I've been driving my wife crazy with how many friends named Fred I've been making, and they all look the same, no less. That said, one day a man rang our bell, and my wife, relieved that he did not look like my other friends, asked who he was, to which a replied:
"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."
I thought Tiger Woods was supposed to be good at driving...
Driving by every graveyard
Ooops no cell service; must be a dead zone
If falling asleep driving a car is sleeping behind the wheel, what do you call falling asleep driving a motorcycle?
Was driving by the prison the other night when I saw a midget climbing down from a window.
I said to myself, that’s a little condescending
While I was driving, my wife said, “You have no sense of direction, do you?”
I said, “Where did that come from?”
An 18 yr old died during a driving test.
I'm starting to get sick of driving on icy roads.
Up until now I was willing to let it slide.
I was driving absentmindedly and my wife suddenly said, “Hey, you missed a right!”
I said, “Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!”
When driving by lowered, loud pipe cars I like to point at the air foil in the back and yell,
Some guy on a tractor keeps driving past my house shouting, “THE END IS NIGH!!! THE END IS NIGH!!!”
It might be farmer Geddon.
My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 jumped out of the way.
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....
.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"
I was driving from Illinois to Oklahoma but I got lost.
I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...
I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it.
Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle.
When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed.
Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.
I just never saw what the big dill was.
When driving past a cemetery:
“See that cemetery kids? That must be a really nice one.”
“Why do you say that Dad?”
“People are just dying to get in there”
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
So, how was your experience driving on snow in Spain?
I just thought of this today as I was driving... I’m sorry in advance 😂 I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges
It was kinda pointless...
I was driving through Quebec, and a cop suddenly pulled me over eating fries and gravy.
It was a poutine traffic stop.
When you're driving but can't see that well...
Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.
https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv
Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U
Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...
Me: Why?
Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!
I was driving and I saw a packet of crisps and I asked “want a lift?”
They said “no thanks we’re walkers”
This guy was driving on the left side of the road
He just didn't choose the right thing
I was driving through Las Vegas when I saw an ant riding a gazelle to a wedding chapel.
It was my first time seeing an ant elope.
As we're driving through an industrial area, kid asks, "Why does this place smell terrible?"
Me: It's an olfactory response.
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