Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Haha_Lostboys18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage...

... I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SweSupermoosie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
I saw Bill Gates at the airport today
πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/recursivelybetter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport?

Re:LAX

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raptavis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
Last time I traveled abroad, the airport security agents made a great joke about my passport.

I mean I had to hand it to them.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rv0827
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
They’ve locked down Liverpool John Lennon Airport and all the passengers are trapped inside

Imagine, all the people...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed with a condition where I can't stop making airport jokes.

The doctor said it was terminal

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Popular333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.

It was ....the worst case scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 932
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
So my airports fell in the toilet

Now the audio is shit

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Junkr4t
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
A photon is going through airport security, when the security guard asks if he has any luggage.

The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strabadhure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I’ve been diagnosed with a terrible disease that makes me tell an abundance of airport jokes...

The doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kippergills
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I was waiting for my wife at the airport, when I saw that she was ringing me.

I picked it up and she said sorrowfully, "I didn't make the plane."

"That's fine, honey," I replied. "You know nothing about construction."

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Heathrow airport
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jolly_Jr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
Y'all hear about the fat lady that got arrested at the airport?

They didn't find any dope on her, but they found 112 pounds of crack!

(Brought to you by my grandpa.)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tatesandwich
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
The John Lennon Airport has been quarantined

Imagine all the people

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/x_amxxn_x
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that John Lennon airport went into quarantine earlier?

Imagine all the people.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jukajoj
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
A man caught a deadly virus while waiting for his flight at the airport

He's terminal ill

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
There’s a guy in a European airport, and he sees a man carrying a ten foot metal pole. He asks the guy, β€œAre you a pole vaulter?”

The man says, β€œActually, I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J3ST3RR
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
I walked into a airport

I thought of making up a joke on the fly but decided not to just incase it didn't land right

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/declandrury
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Apparently, if the Coronavirus outbreak gets worse, they might have to cancel all the flights in and out of John Lennon airport.

Imagine all the people.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jr1477
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Everyone inside of John Lennon airport have been quarantined!

Imagine all the people.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you fall sick at an airport?

Terminal Illness

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uzitha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.

I now have a terminal hangover.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/het_bob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
Overheard heard from an honest to goodness dad in the airport: Oh no, I ripped my sock...

Darn it!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gugalgirl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?

Plane chocolate

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nkiehl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...

...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theposshow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Under new TSA guidelines, airports in the US

Will only be allowed to sell plane chocolate.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fingadod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
You should never say β€œhi” to your friend Jack at the airport.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManyPandas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a man walking through an airport holding a basketball...

Must’ve been traveling.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moosesurgeon12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
At the Charlotte airport.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SugueStyles
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I got stopped for routine check at the airport

turns out my daily routine is more productive than others

Edit: thanks cappuch for better punchline and constructive criticism

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ro-B0t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy waiting at airport arrivals with a sign. I said why are you standing there with a sign that says β€œNo one”? ....

He said β€œIt’s for Mr Noone” you bozo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Okay so recently I sued a airport about luggage security

Yeah, I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thor_kingofasgard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I’m an airport building.

Hope it’s not terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tangledtitty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Long layovers in Washington, DC airports are so Dulles
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smiling_frown
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I have an awful illness where I can’t stop telling airport jokes...

... My doctor says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyktic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I secured funding to build the new city airport

Things are starting to take off around here

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get a TV show made, one where each episode covers a different job title at the airport.

It never made it past the pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theydeletedme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw this in an airport bathroom
πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AttackDog136
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids' suitcases.

But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Airport Security yelled at me today

They said I was in plane sight

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erratic_Penguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t make airport jokes.

They always seem to crash and burn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Numbcargo
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
TLC had to cancel a new reality TV show that was set inside an airport.

The pilot didn’t take off.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy threw something at me at the airport.

So I asked my dad β€˜ what did Heathrow β€˜

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinners6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
At the airport
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pgy1526
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy...

However, that’s not the case

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CH4RL130H
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy.

However, that's not the case.

πŸ‘︎ 309
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ClaytonRayG
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
An off duty cop lost his luggage at the airport. Luckily it didn't take him long to find.

It was a briefcase.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Dibsy-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said β€œAirport Left”,

so I turned around and went home.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked why they call airplanes "aircraft" at the airport.

I told her it's because they were crafted by airtists.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InvalidKeyPress
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my luggage at the airport...

...i tried calling the insurance but they wouldn't accept my case

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JellyBellyGiggles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Just a guy at the airport trying to pick up chicks
πŸ‘︎ 803
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/360noJesus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
🚨︎ report
We were at the airport and they put us on a bus to move us to a different terminal and my dad yells β€œthis is a funny looking airplane”
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeeLawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A photon was at the airport, checking in for its flight. The agent asks it if it has any luggage.

The photon says, "No, I'm a light traveler"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banksy0726
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a disease you caught at the airport?

Terminal illness.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WritingWithSpears
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the fastest speed a line of people at an airport can board an airplane?

Terminal velocity.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Angela Merkel is at passport control at a Greek airport. When reviewing her passport, the officer asks-β€œoccupation?”

She replies- β€œNien! This time, ve are only here for za day!”

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theJarlAli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Stranger at the airport dadjoked my dadjoke.

i was getting off an airplane, and i passed a little boy who was saying "bye, plane!". i, remembering a dadjoke i saw here, said "no, this isn't a biplane" The kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look and said "you can't tell it's sexual preference based just on how it looks."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpresken2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at the airport customs

They wouldn't let contraband enter the country.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plaineman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the dad like the food at the airport?

Because he thought that it was too plane.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Saw an extremely tall guy at the airport

Friend: "Wow, it must be really difficult for him to fly."

Me: "You'd think it'd be easier, he has longer arms."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeventhShin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2015
🚨︎ report
I always smoke some weed before showing up at the airport

I like to fly high

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
At the airport gate, they announce that all smart bags must be checked. My mom asks my dad, "What's a smart bag?"

"The opposite of a douche bag"

Thanks, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidtree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I fell over a suitcase at the airport the other day

I went flying

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaveyJonesy1990
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A man with a chicken takes a cab to the airport. Upon arrival, the cabbie insisted on taking the chicken as payment for the ride.

After all, fare is fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Let's demolish train stations and airports, and build lots more tall telescopes. We'll probably live a lot longer!

In my experience, patients under observation do far better than the terminally ill.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bamsebamsen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What flies when your in the Airport?

The Time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xsaber125
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I sure H8 getting stuck at the airport.

(https://i.imgur.com/lOnBfF8.jpg)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ystad31
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad drops this gem going through airport security.

Airport Security: Do you have anything sharp on you?

Dad: Yes, my brain.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mvpking
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2015
🚨︎ report
I was told by Putin to hurry it up when I was in the airport.

Quit Stalin or I'll have to be Russian over here.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dethmstr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Security at Los Angeles International Airport was very chill

I guess it was LAX.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2016
🚨︎ report
I got a new job in the airport checking what people are bringing into the country from their holidays...

I'm slowly getting accustoms to it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BazzyTheLemon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Was at the airport and I asked the TSA agent how his day was?

TSA agent: Doing well

Me: Did they pay you to say that?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reevesd9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The only time someone was checking me out, they were a security guard at the airport.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If idiots could fly, this place would be an Airport
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Sherlock Holmes get angry at the airport?

He cracked the case.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my wife at the airport

Me: I'm going to go pee before we board.

Wife: Yeah, I should go pee, myself.

Me: No need, the bathroom is right over there.

Wife: facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/terminalmage
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
🚨︎ report
The guy at the airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual.

I said, β€œYes. I just paid $20 for a cheese sandwich.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
So i was at an airport and someone put a suitcase next too mine that was identical

I picked it up thinking it was mine, but that was not the case

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TGC_YT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I tired to sue the airport for losing my luggage

Sadly I lost my case

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StudentStrange
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Knew someone who tried to make it through airport security with a cat in their carry-on.

TSA agent asked him, "Sir, are you aware you have a cat in here?"

And he said "Well don't let the cat out of the bag!".

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joelmeyer1221
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does airport security make you take your shoes off sometimes and not others?

To keep you on your toes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brophyg4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
my local airport was de-icing the frozen plane
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Man walking through turnstile at airport is going to Bangkok
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lozz2103
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
A German man walks up to the immigration desk at Warsaw airport. The immigration officer asks: β€œOccupation?” The German replies:

β€œNo, just a holiday.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign today that said "hiring airport drivers"

Which I think is a weird way to say pilot.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chumbawamba56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
🚨︎ report
[OC] Why does the airport have windows?

It’s plane to see.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HusbandAndWifi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Alexander the Great at an airport

"Name?" "Alexander." "Occupation?" "No, sightseeing."

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

The doctor says it's terminal

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bgreenwood95
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage

I lost my case

πŸ‘︎ 267
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snifferinos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said β€œAirport Left” so I turned around and went home.
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage...

I lost my case

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LummyGummy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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I tried to sue an airport for losing my luggage

I lost my case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefan_bradianu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage

I lost my case

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snifferinos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I saw a sign today that said "hiring airport drivers"

Which, I think is a weird way to say pilot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chumbawamba56
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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