An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?
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︎ Dec 19 2020
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
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︎ Nov 08 2020
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
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︎ May 27 2020
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
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︎ May 21 2020
What really happened during the moon landing
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︎ Sep 21 2019
The plane I was on had a fairly hard landing...
Flight attendant gets on the intercom:
βThat was not the Captainβs fault. That was not our fault. That was the asphalt.β
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︎ Dec 22 2019
The moon landing is obviously fake
Like cβmon the moon is still up there. It never landed.
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︎ Jun 08 2019
Me: Dad, are you excited for the 50th anniversary of the lunar landing today???
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︎ Jul 20 2019
My cat was walking on my furniture, as he does. Suddenly, he tripped on my bowling first-price award and both fell down, the award landing in the cat's anus.
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︎ May 13 2019
The state passed a new regulation that you can only have one dock at a boat landing.
Because if you had two it would be a paradox.
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︎ Jul 08 2019
What a brutal landing
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︎ Oct 04 2018
What sound does a plane make when it bounces when landing?
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︎ Apr 06 2019
Whats it called when a boeing 747 bounces on the landing strip?
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︎ May 10 2019
If Winterfell on Kings Landing.
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︎ May 10 2019
I took a picture of my plane landing, and was immediately arrested.
The cops said it was in descent exposure.
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︎ Mar 11 2019
Pilot comes on the intercom following a very bumpy landing
βSorry about that folks. Not my fault, itβs the asphaltsβ
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︎ Oct 21 2018
There was a man protesting the sale of tall ladders by climbing one over 15β and acting like he slipped and fell, landing in a bush that was secretly a soft-landing pad.
It was a anti-climb antic.
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︎ Jun 12 2018
I really hope the moon landing wasn't faked
But if it was i think we're all owed an apollogy
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︎ Jan 02 2015
I was arrested for taking a photo of a landing airplane.
I was charged with in descent exposure.
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︎ Apr 28 2017
My dad on the SpaceX rocket landing
We were watching the live stream of the landing, just as it touched down and the crowd went crazy.
My dad: "That crowd is really excited. It's almost like they scored a touch-down!"
Me: sigh
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︎ Dec 22 2015
On my way back from Thanksgiving holiday, the flight had to make a slightly hard landing due to the crosswind. Then the flight attendant announces: " Sorry for the slightly bumpy landing. It wasn't the Captain's fault, most definitely not the my fault...
It was the Asphalt."
The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)
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︎ Nov 28 2017
Southwest stewardess just dropped this: "That landing wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the first captains fault...."
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︎ Jul 01 2017
Landing a job in the moisturizer industry is tough. My advice?
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︎ Sep 15 2017
My dad, on the Chinese moon landing.
Me: "How did it take them 13 days?"
Dad: "...maybe they went the Wong way."
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︎ Dec 14 2013
The moon landing never happened
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︎ Oct 04 2019
The moon landing was fake
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Sometimes, a plane will bounce off the runway after landing.
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︎ May 09 2016
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