An American, landing in India: Does anyone here know how to play baseball?
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
Did you hear about the financial analyst who went skydiving but missed the landing spot by a mile?
He was an expert in the field
Edit: I made this up myself!
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
What really happened during the moon landing
The plane I was on had a fairly hard landing...
Flight attendant gets on the intercom:
“That was not the Captain’s fault. That was not our fault. That was the asphalt.”
The moon landing is obviously fake
Like c’mon the moon is still up there. It never landed.
Me: Dad, are you excited for the 50th anniversary of the lunar landing today???
My cat was walking on my furniture, as he does. Suddenly, he tripped on my bowling first-price award and both fell down, the award landing in the cat's anus.
The state passed a new regulation that you can only have one dock at a boat landing.
Because if you had two it would be a paradox.
What sound does a plane make when it bounces when landing?
Whats it called when a boeing 747 bounces on the landing strip?
If Winterfell on Kings Landing.
I took a picture of my plane landing, and was immediately arrested.
The cops said it was in descent exposure.
Pilot comes on the intercom following a very bumpy landing
“Sorry about that folks. Not my fault, it’s the asphalts”
There was a man protesting the sale of tall ladders by climbing one over 15’ and acting like he slipped and fell, landing in a bush that was secretly a soft-landing pad.
It was a anti-climb antic.
I really hope the moon landing wasn't faked
But if it was i think we're all owed an apollogy
I was arrested for taking a photo of a landing airplane.
I was charged with in descent exposure.
My dad on the SpaceX rocket landing
We were watching the live stream of the landing, just as it touched down and the crowd went crazy.
My dad: "That crowd is really excited. It's almost like they scored a touch-down!"
On my way back from Thanksgiving holiday, the flight had to make a slightly hard landing due to the crosswind. Then the flight attendant announces: " Sorry for the slightly bumpy landing. It wasn't the Captain's fault, most definitely not the my fault...
It was the Asphalt."
The whole flight lost it. It was glorious :)
Southwest stewardess just dropped this: "That landing wasn't the pilots fault, it wasn't the first captains fault...."
Landing a job in the moisturizer industry is tough. My advice?
My dad, on the Chinese moon landing.
Me: "How did it take them 13 days?"
Dad: "...maybe they went the Wong way."
The moon landing never happened
The moon landing was fake
Sometimes, a plane will bounce off the runway after landing.