When my wife found me playing with my sonβs train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
π︎ 103
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︎ Jan 17 2021
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins
I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I saw a Russian train
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 31 2021
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
π︎ 105
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"
So I say, "It's been training"
π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 31 2020
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?
π︎ 47
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︎ Dec 06 2020
What do you call a train made out of chewing gum?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Whatβs the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
One minds the train while the other trains the mind.
π︎ 19
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︎ Oct 28 2020
How to train people to wear a mask
π︎ 17
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︎ Sep 29 2020
The Czech republic is introducing a train ticketing system so you can pay with bitcoin...
...it uses blocktrain Czechnology.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
How do you find a lost train?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
How do you eat when you're on a train?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you call someone who works part time on a train?
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 07 2020
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas?
Daddy: I donβt know, mate.
Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
π︎ 601
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 07 2020
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station...
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
Why canβt a train choke?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 05 2020
They say there's a cryptid by the train station that drinks American whiskey late at night
But I'm sure that's just a bourbon legend.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
Iβve been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and Iβm getting really annoyed
It keeps asking me, βWhere do you want to go?'
So I click on the icon that says βHomeβ and then it makes me start all over again.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
I saw a train and was trying to think of a good dad joke..
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
TIL that academy award winning actor Bruce Dern was originally a train engineer.
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 21 2020
If lightning struck the engine of a train pulling 50 cars, would someone riding the caboose get shocked?
Only if heβs a good conductor.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
Do you know why someone with ADHD could never be a train conductor?
They always lose their train of thought
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 06 2020
A man purposely crashed two passenger trains, killing hundreds. Why didnβt he get the electric chair?
Turns out he was a really bad conductor.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 28 2020
How can you tell a train conductor is a drug addict?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 17 2020
You could say that train was a cornhaul
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
Took a demolitions class, first day was a train-wreck.
π︎ 278
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
This entire chain is a train wreck (and there is a lot more than this)
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 15 2020
A man sits next to another man on the train
He pulls out a photo of his wife, shows it to the other man and says βisnβt she beautiful?β.
Other man: βIf you think sheβs beautiful you should see my wifeβ
First man: βWhy? Is she a stunner?β
Other man: βNo, sheβs an ophthalmologistβ
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?
Because he had a Loco-motive
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 06 2020
Two old ladies on a train.
"Where are we? Wembley?"
"No, it's Thursday."
"So am I, likes go for a drink."
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 31 2020
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.
Now that's what I call a loco-motive.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
Eduardo Moreno tried to crash his train into a Navy hospital ship to expose a supposed conspiracy
Thatβs a crime with a loco motive
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
Why is there a tomato on the train?
π︎ 221
π
︎ Apr 07 2019
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonβs train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
How does a train eat ?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
What do you call a train that carries bubble gum?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand new Rolex."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonβs train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Jan 10 2019
Why did the crazy guy steal a train?
He just had a loco motive.
π︎ 26
π
︎ May 29 2020
How does a train eat?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
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