What do you call someone who looks just like you on a passing train?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
I wanted to crack a joke on trains. I could not EXPRESS it well
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︎ Feb 26 2021
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?
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︎ Aug 16 2020
How do you eat when you're on a train?
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you call someone who works part time on a train?
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︎ Oct 07 2020
Saw this on my train
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︎ Jun 18 2020
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Found guilty on all charges, the train couldn't rationalize his off-the-wall behavior.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
What did the train engineer say when the electric chair didnβt work on him?
βI guess Iβm just a good conductorβ
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︎ May 30 2020
A man sits next to another man on the train
He pulls out a photo of his wife, shows it to the other man and says βisnβt she beautiful?β.
Other man: βIf you think sheβs beautiful you should see my wifeβ
First man: βWhy? Is she a stunner?β
Other man: βNo, sheβs an ophthalmologistβ
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Two old ladies on a train.
"Where are we? Wembley?"
"No, it's Thursday."
"So am I, likes go for a drink."
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︎ May 31 2020
Got the dog an electric collar today to train him, but had to test it on myself first.
The results were shocking.
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︎ May 09 2020
Why is there a tomato on the train?
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︎ Apr 07 2019
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
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︎ Mar 09 2020
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
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︎ Jan 22 2020
My old girlfriend who gave me the cold shoulder got ran over by a train on Christmas
It was the Polar Ex-press
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︎ Dec 26 2019
does metrosexual mean you're turned on by trains?
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︎ Oct 11 2019
Seen on London train
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︎ Aug 10 2019
What should you do now that smoking is banned on public trains?
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︎ Jan 02 2020
Found on a funny train sort of post (will link in comments)
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︎ Jun 19 2019
What do you call a ticket inspector on a maglev train?
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
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︎ Oct 03 2019
I like to listen to Bowie on my morning train commute
It helps me get from Station to Station
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︎ Apr 08 2019
Do you have to go to school to drive a train? or do they just TRAIN you on the job?
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︎ Apr 15 2019
Me: Jesus, this train is the slowest I have ever traveled on.
Bride: Someone get this idiot off my dress.
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︎ Jan 04 2019
Ichabod Train - play on Ichabod Crane, the headless horseman from Sleepy Hollow
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︎ Feb 21 2019
Two nuns are sat on a train, when a man gets on and pulls his trousers down.
One nun had a stroke, but the other couldn't reach.
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︎ May 06 2019
I work on the train and recently a passenger had a horse as a service animal with him.
Being very curious, I then ask "what service does your horse provide?" and the passenger replies "when I fall down it helps me giddy up!".
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︎ May 03 2019
As we were driving, a friend of mine pointed to a bridge with a train on it and stated that the bridge didn't look very strong.
I replied that what it lacks in strength, it makes up for in training.
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︎ Apr 19 2019
I was on a train in Mexico when its started crazily rocking from side to side
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︎ Jul 29 2018
I saw a metal on the train today.
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︎ May 31 2018
A train robber keeps derailing trains on his escape.
The feds are looking for him but he is hard to keep track of.
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︎ Mar 08 2019
Iβm going on a train tomorrow for a really crazy reason
I guess you could say I have a loco motive
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︎ Oct 27 2017
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying βthe voices in my head tell me toβ.
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︎ Jul 30 2018
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︎ Oct 11 2017
"I've almost completed a crossword. I was wondering if you could help me," I told this girl on the train.
"I just need one more word. Six letters...another word for 'material'."
She said, "That's fabric."
"It's pretty great, isn't it?" I replied. "But my name isn't Rick."
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︎ Aug 10 2018
The woman getting on the train in front of me lost her shoe onto the track as she clumsily clambered aboard. I asked her how she was...
She told me it was sole destroying
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︎ Oct 25 2018
Help, I am stuck on the a train with my SO. I need some dad jokes to pass the time!
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︎ Oct 01 2016
What do you call a fish on a train?
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︎ Mar 06 2018
What do you call a train conductor on a chromosome?
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︎ Nov 03 2017
While on a road trip, we saw a stopped train in the rain
I asked my dad if coal can get wet
He replied "if water gets on it, yeah"
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︎ Sep 12 2016
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand new Rolex."
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︎ Aug 05 2020
I like to listen to Bowie on my morning train commute
I find it helps me get from Station to Station
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︎ Apr 09 2019
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