I hate train puns.
They eventually run off the rails.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
[request] Train pun for birthday message.
Trying to write a nice birthday message to my grandfather who is turning 80 and loves Trains. Any suggestions?
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︎ Mar 15 2018
Friend and I saw "Snowpiercer" last night. Spent the next hour and a half barraging him with train puns.
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︎ Jul 16 2014
When my wife found me playing with my sonโs train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Jan 17 2021
My boss said to me, โYouโre the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?โ
I said, โIโm not sure; itโs hard to keep track.โ
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︎ Feb 17 2021
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
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︎ Jan 17 2021
A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins
I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
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︎ Jan 27 2021
It must be really easy being a train engineer
All you have to do is stay on track
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Did you hear about the man who hid his train set?
He was good a covering his tracks
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I saw a Russian train
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︎ Jan 31 2021
The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"
So I say, "It's been training"
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What was Ozzy Osborneโs inspiration for writing the song Crazy Train?
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Why is it so difficult to train dogs to dance?
Because they have two left feet
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call a crazy reason for robbing a train?
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︎ Dec 06 2020
What did the ghost say to the train conductor?
caBOOse
-my 6 year old niece
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︎ Jan 12 2021
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Why couldnโt the young, electric train keep up with the old trains?
Because he ran out of steam
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I lost my train of thought
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︎ Nov 21 2020
What do you call a train made out of chewing gum?
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︎ Nov 15 2020
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Why are trains the best form of transportation?
Because they have a proven track record
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Whatโs the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
One minds the train while the other trains the mind.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
How to train people to wear a mask
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︎ Sep 29 2020
The Czech republic is introducing a train ticketing system so you can pay with bitcoin...
...it uses blocktrain Czechnology.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
How do you train your kids to stop wetting the bed ?
Make them use an electric blanket.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Why could no one understand the trains reasoning.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
How do you find a lost train?
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︎ Oct 28 2020
How do you eat when you're on a train?
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?
A: Did you hear about that train trip that John Lennon took?
B: No, what was the trip for?
A: To see his wife. It was a Yoko motive.
(original)
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︎ Aug 16 2020
What do you call someone who works part time on a train?
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︎ Oct 07 2020
A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...
Son: Daddy, where is Thomas?
Daddy: I donโt know, mate.
Son: He must be working from home today.
Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.
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︎ Apr 25 2020
What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?
Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
What did the supervillain say when he got off at the last train station?
It's the end of the line for me!
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Saw this on my train
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︎ Jun 18 2020
What time does the train pull into the station?
Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
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︎ Jul 29 2020
Did you hear about the Mexican Train Killer ?
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
What do you call someone who clones trains?
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︎ Aug 09 2020
Every time i drive over a railroad crossing I say there's been a train through here recently do you know how I can tell?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonโs train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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︎ Aug 05 2020
Why did the crazy Mexican jump on the train?
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︎ Aug 16 2020
My boss said to me, โYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?โ
I said, โIโm not sure. Itโs so hard to keep track.โ
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︎ Jan 05 2020
How does a train eat ?
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︎ Aug 10 2020
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