Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
What happens when you teach a wolf to meditate?
A man tries to teach his son the cons of alcohol.
he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
I tried to teach my cat math
But he said he couldn't make heads or tails of it
I'm preparing to teach my son the alphabet.
I tried to teach my dog to dance today...
He's hopeless. He's got two left feet.
Can you teach yourself telepathy?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
My chemistry professor once said, "I teach better when I'm drinking!"
I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.
It's an integral part of education.
I tried to teach my horse philosophy but it didn't take.
After all, you can't put Descartes before the horse.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it
I guess it must be sprocket science
My son asked me today what déjà vu meant as some bet. I pretended I didn't hear him to make him ask me again so I could teach him.
So he yelled, "Hey - ya new tent has come I bet!" as he ran to the door
Our local flying school is trialling a new programme to teach blind people how to fly.
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
For a thousand bucks I'll teach you how to make things levitate
Why do we still teach kids about circles?
If painters paint, and teachers teach...
No matter what values you teach your kids
German kids will always be kinder
I’m trying to teach my grandpa how to use his wheelchair better....
But there’s too many steps.
I keep trying to teach my husband how to use chopsticks, but he walrus gets it wrong.
Why don’t Germans teach algebra in school?
Nobody can understand the Bavariables!
My son missed curfew again, so to teach him a lesson, I made him remove all the kudzu out back.
It was de-vine punishment.
It is hard to teach humor to a kleptomaniac.
They take things so literally.
Remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks
But you can teach old people dog tricks.
Your grandma used to teach English at school...
...and that’s why she’s always grandmatically correct.
How do you teach sex-ed to a terrorist?
I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.
Been trying to teach my kid how to tell the time
But we just keep going round and round in circles
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains
But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement
Dad tried to teach our Labrador to write poetry.
But he's not very good at it, it's more like doggerel.
I tried to teach my pet bird the alphabet, but we got stuck on the 24th letter.
I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.
Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.
Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?
Co-teacher: He couldn't say.
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch
I've always wanted to learn Braille but I'm too afraid to ask somebody to teach me
I teach high school English and this is my go to:
Student: “Hey can you check this to see if it’s right?”
Student hands me their writing.
Me, holding their paper upside down: “well, first of all, it’s written upside down.”
And then I give it back to them and walk away as if nothing happened.
What subject does a witch teach at school?
Dad, can you teach me how a solar eclipse works?
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
[X-Post from r/Tiresaretheenemy] They do it to teach the others a lesson!
imgur.com/OmRL6l6
What did the dyslexic Captain say when he tried to teach his crew how to sing?
I am starting a charity to teach short people maths.
It’s called making the little things count.
My son’s hot English tutor wanted to teach him how to write an essay... He told her let’s skip the introductions.
I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said how flexible are you? I said I can’t do Fridays.
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