Why it’s hard to teach Aussie’s how to play chess?

Because they think every check is check mate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randombot777
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me how to do the splits. He said β€˜how flexible are you?’

I said β€˜I can’t make Tuesdays’

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Considering how hard they worked to teach us stop, drop, and roll...

I really expected to be set on fire more as an adult.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robdingo36
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...

I bet it would murder the game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RufusMoray
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I got a bunch of crows together and tried to teach them how to sing

But it just resulted in a cacawphony

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zaeran
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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What happens when you teach a wolf to meditate?

It becomes AWARE wolf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/no1krampus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market

The Father responds with: β€œYou bet your ass!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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I'm preparing to teach my son the alphabet.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncsuandrew12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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A man tries to teach his son the cons of alcohol.

he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/circuitBoard98
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I tried to teach my cat math

But he said he couldn't make heads or tails of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theoldraven
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Can you teach yourself telepathy?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phelyan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...

I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I tried to teach my dog to dance today...

He's hopeless. He's got two left feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.

It's an integral part of education.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotaLegFinger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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My chemistry professor once said, "I teach better when I'm drinking!"

(That was an Alkali.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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I tried to teach my horse philosophy but it didn't take.

After all, you can't put Descartes before the horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/westtxfun
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"

The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitethunder9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it

I guess it must be sprocket science

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Our local flying school is trialling a new programme to teach blind people how to fly.

Can’t see it taking off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/4wwn4h
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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My son asked me today what dΓ©jΓ  vu meant as some bet. I pretended I didn't hear him to make him ask me again so I could teach him.

So he yelled, "Hey - ya new tent has come I bet!" as he ran to the door

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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If painters paint, and teachers teach...

do janitors janit?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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For a thousand bucks I'll teach you how to make things levitate

No strings attached

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tackdetsamma
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why do we still teach kids about circles?

It's pointless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WoeJitten
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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No matter what values you teach your kids

German kids will always be kinder

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyaUkhaadLegaBe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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I keep trying to teach my husband how to use chopsticks, but he walrus gets it wrong.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrixyUkulele
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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I’m trying to teach my grandpa how to use his wheelchair better....

But there’s too many steps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Why don’t Germans teach algebra in school?

Nobody can understand the Bavariables!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourpaljenkins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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My son missed curfew again, so to teach him a lesson, I made him remove all the kudzu out back.

It was de-vine punishment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SgtBoaty
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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It is hard to teach humor to a kleptomaniac.

They take things so literally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Your grandma used to teach English at school...

...and that’s why she’s always grandmatically correct.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdnmfd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks

But you can teach old people dog tricks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Phan_Tastic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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How do you teach sex-ed to a terrorist?

You use a blow-up doll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-CrestiaBell
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.

Too much paperwork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Been trying to teach my kid how to tell the time

But we just keep going round and round in circles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daniielrp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains

But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tDumFlumph
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Dad tried to teach our Labrador to write poetry.

But he's not very good at it, it's more like doggerel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.

Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.

Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?

Co-teacher: He couldn't say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penigmatic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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I teach high school English and this is my go to:

Student: β€œHey can you check this to see if it’s right?”

Student hands me their writing.

Me, holding their paper upside down: β€œwell, first of all, it’s written upside down.”

And then I give it back to them and walk away as if nothing happened.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForrestGumpsShoes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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I've always wanted to learn Braille but I'm too afraid to ask somebody to teach me

It's a touchy subject

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagusiu
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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I tried to teach my pet bird the alphabet, but we got stuck on the 24th letter.

"This is an X, parrot!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch

They knead it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggernault
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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What subject does a witch teach at school?

Spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fransisco_flores
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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[X-Post from r/Tiresaretheenemy] They do it to teach the others a lesson! imgur.com/OmRL6l6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pattyomalley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"

He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said how flexible are you? I said I can’t do Fridays.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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