Why itβs hard to teach Aussieβs how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
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︎ Jan 05 2021
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me how to do the splits. He said βhow flexible are you?β
I said βI canβt make Tuesdaysβ
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Considering how hard they worked to teach us stop, drop, and roll...
I really expected to be set on fire more as an adult.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...
I bet it would murder the game.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
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︎ Jan 24 2021
I got a bunch of crows together and tried to teach them how to sing
But it just resulted in a cacawphony
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︎ Jan 29 2021
What happens when you teach a wolf to meditate?
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︎ Jan 10 2021
A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market
The Father responds with: βYou bet your ass!β
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︎ Feb 10 2021
I'm preparing to teach my son the alphabet.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
A man tries to teach his son the cons of alcohol.
he gets two worms, puts one in vodka, and one in water. The worm in vodka dies in 20 minutes, while the worm in water survives 3 whole days. the man asks his son, "what did you learn today?" and the son responds "never bathe in alcohol"
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︎ Jan 27 2021
I tried to teach my cat math
But he said he couldn't make heads or tails of it
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Can you teach yourself telepathy?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
I tried to teach my dog to dance today...
He's hopeless. He's got two left feet.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
I believe it is absolutely nessesery to teach our childer calculus.
It's an integral part of education.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
My chemistry professor once said, "I teach better when I'm drinking!"
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︎ Nov 28 2020
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
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︎ Sep 01 2019
I tried to teach my horse philosophy but it didn't take.
After all, you can't put Descartes before the horse.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it
I guess it must be sprocket science
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Our local flying school is trialling a new programme to teach blind people how to fly.
Canβt see it taking off
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︎ Jul 05 2020
My son asked me today what dΓ©jΓ vu meant as some bet. I pretended I didn't hear him to make him ask me again so I could teach him.
So he yelled, "Hey - ya new tent has come I bet!" as he ran to the door
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︎ Sep 21 2020
If painters paint, and teachers teach...
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︎ Jun 11 2020
For a thousand bucks I'll teach you how to make things levitate
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Why do we still teach kids about circles?
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︎ Jul 06 2020
No matter what values you teach your kids
German kids will always be kinder
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︎ Apr 22 2020
I keep trying to teach my husband how to use chopsticks, but he walrus gets it wrong.
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︎ Feb 29 2020
Iβm trying to teach my grandpa how to use his wheelchair better....
But thereβs too many steps.
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︎ Jun 13 2020
Why donβt Germans teach algebra in school?
Nobody can understand the Bavariables!
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︎ Jun 20 2020
My son missed curfew again, so to teach him a lesson, I made him remove all the kudzu out back.
It was de-vine punishment.
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︎ May 18 2020
It is hard to teach humor to a kleptomaniac.
They take things so literally.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Your grandma used to teach English at school...
...and thatβs why sheβs always grandmatically correct.
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︎ Feb 07 2020
Remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks
But you can teach old people dog tricks.
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 13 2020
How do you teach sex-ed to a terrorist?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 18 2020
I was scheduled to teach a course in Origami, but then decided to give up.
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︎ May 19 2019
Been trying to teach my kid how to tell the time
But we just keep going round and round in circles
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 05 2020
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains
But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement
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︎ Dec 29 2019
Dad tried to teach our Labrador to write poetry.
But he's not very good at it, it's more like doggerel.
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︎ Feb 10 2020
I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.
Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.
Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?
Co-teacher: He couldn't say.
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︎ Dec 23 2019
I teach high school English and this is my go to:
Student: βHey can you check this to see if itβs right?β
Student hands me their writing.
Me, holding their paper upside down: βwell, first of all, itβs written upside down.β
And then I give it back to them and walk away as if nothing happened.
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︎ Dec 17 2018
I've always wanted to learn Braille but I'm too afraid to ask somebody to teach me
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︎ May 31 2019
I tried to teach my pet bird the alphabet, but we got stuck on the 24th letter.
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︎ Feb 06 2020
I told my mom to teach my kids her skills in making bread and pasta from scratch
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︎ Dec 31 2019
What subject does a witch teach at school?
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︎ Oct 18 2019
[X-Post from r/Tiresaretheenemy] They do it to teach the others a lesson!
imgur.com/OmRL6l6
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︎ Aug 28 2018
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said how flexible are you? I said I canβt do Fridays.
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︎ Sep 07 2019
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