"All of you are doing jobs to earn a living. Well, I beg to differ"
Billy Graham cracker.
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
Naan violent
It’s all about raisin awareness l
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
I guess this makes me his carbuncle.
My morning walk with the dog was cut short today. There's a park we usually wander through so she can sniff and explore, but today we couldn't get in because the path was blocked by an army of angry geese.
I was telling my mom about this and she mentioned there are geese at the river where she and a friend take their dogs, too. She said they must all be in town for some kind of conference. Then she paused for half a second and continued:
I bet it's a religious thing. They're here to preach the goosepel.
(To satisfy the rule: that's a play on gospel.)
But I feel like a lot of them are just preaching to acquire.
Poppadom Preach
When you preach about depression but you are also depressed, what do you call that?
🤷🏼
Preach Cobbler
Crazy guy preaching on sidewalk: "JESUS SAVES!" Dad: "Does he put it in CD's?"
Back in April, me and the young men &a women of my family helped move my grandparents out their house, a house they had lived in for almost 45 years, into a small, 1-bedroom add-on to my uncles land.
Now, my grandpa had been a Baptist pastor for 47 years (now retired) and he was always quick on wit.
Well, as we were moving out the garage. My brother noticed something glued to the ground by some kind of resin. A piece of paper, looked almost 30 years old. We found out it was a sermon that my grandpa had preached way, way back in the day. And someone had spilled some kind of oil and that had gotten stuck to it and preserved it over the years. We brought my very frail grandpa out into the garage and told him what it was. He stared at it for about 5 seconds and said "Well, I guess that's one of my sermons that stuck!"
Walked by one of those guys who's preaching on the street side and passing out bibles to anyone he can.
.
Bible-Dude: Hello sir, would you like a New Testament?
Me: Oh, no thank you, I have an old one at home that works just fine.
.
My wife groaned in appreciation, but Bible-Dude didn't see the humor in it.
