Preacher Puns

I said, "well, speak of the devil!"

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

There rabbit takes a look around the joint and says, "I'm beginning to think I'm a typo."

He thought he was a bird of pray.

They are worried about the damnation.

At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

"Ah," he said, "That's my altar ego."

Repant, the end is in sight!

He says to the guy in front of him, “Hey, what did you do in your life?” The guy says, “I was a bus driver. I was a bad person. I wasn’t nice to people, I stole, and I always broke the law.” The preacher says, “I was a preacher. I always went to church and gave the best and longest sermons. I always prayed and read the Bible.” Finally, it’s the bus driver’s turn to tell God about his life. A few minutes later, he walks into heaven. The preacher walks up to God. God says, “What kind of things did you do in your life?” “Well, I went to church and gave great sermons. Do I get to go to heaven?” “I don’t know,” says God. “What? How come that dumb bus driver got to go to heaven?” God says, “When you gave your sermons, everyone fell asleep. But every time the bus driver was driving, there was at least one person on the bus who was praying.”

LET US SPRAY!

My 73 year old dad told this joke to me this morning.

He noticed an extra pew in the church.

Nun showed up.

“SIX Pence? Nun the richer.”

"Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."

The preacher said lettuce pray

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

the class was listening, eyes glued,

"etiquette is important" he said,

"wear napkin before eating",

their faces changed,

pulse now beating,

Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",

an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,

"if you bleed, education you don't need"

the English sir, now a sundered bloke,

calmed the masked fish market,

as his God's fate chisel hammered,

"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,

a brief silence, and too many whispers later

"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,

"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,

with damage now done, Silence resumed.

 

>ThePundits

While driving in the car listening to some Manic Street Preachers and discussing the death of Richey Edwards.

Dad: "isn't it odd how many successful musicians seem eclectic and somewhat dysfunctional" Me: "they probably would not have been successful songwriters if they weren't" Dad: "or so good at playing the eclectic guitar"