A priest giving a children's sermon on vestments asked, "Why do you think I wear this collar?"

One kid answered, "Because it kills fleas and ticks for upto 30 days."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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My friend and I were talking about another friend who became a preacher when he suddenly showed up seeking advice for his sermon...

I said, "well, speak of the devil!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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On a Sunday morning in church, a priest starts his sermon and says: "Dear Lord, without you we are but dust"...

Hearing this, a little girl leans over to her mother and loudly asks: "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themostunknownowl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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How does a vegetarian priest start their sermons?

Lettuce pray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CjMcDonald85
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.

Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midas_1988
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?

The Pasta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fetaplays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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[need help] I have to host a fake wedding and I wanna fill my sermon with as much puns as possible

I think I'll start with "What is love? Baby don't hurt me", but then I have to say "we're gathered here today, ect.." and finish with "you may now kiss the bride",

It'll last about 1 minute, and I wanna really embarrass them. Any ideas?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TBSdota
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Did you hear about the priest that had to stop serving red meat at his sermons?

It was a separation of church and steak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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our pastor slipped this dad joke into the sermon

and do you know who the first person mentioned in the bible to not have a father or mother was? it was joshua, because he was the son of nun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanguarder
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2015
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Four Worms and a lesson

A Southern minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke -Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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This preacher had just died and is in line to go to heaven.

He says to the guy in front of him, β€œHey, what did you do in your life?” The guy says, β€œI was a bus driver. I was a bad person. I wasn’t nice to people, I stole, and I always broke the law.” The preacher says, β€œI was a preacher. I always went to church and gave the best and longest sermons. I always prayed and read the Bible.” Finally, it’s the bus driver’s turn to tell God about his life. A few minutes later, he walks into heaven. The preacher walks up to God. God says, β€œWhat kind of things did you do in your life?” β€œWell, I went to church and gave great sermons. Do I get to go to heaven?” β€œI don’t know,” says God. β€œWhat? How come that dumb bus driver got to go to heaven?” God says, β€œWhen you gave your sermons, everyone fell asleep. But every time the bus driver was driving, there was at least one person on the bus who was praying.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leoninator123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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My grandpa was the greatest jokester.

Back in April, me and the young men &a women of my family helped move my grandparents out their house, a house they had lived in for almost 45 years, into a small, 1-bedroom add-on to my uncles land.

Now, my grandpa had been a Baptist pastor for 47 years (now retired) and he was always quick on wit.

Well, as we were moving out the garage. My brother noticed something glued to the ground by some kind of resin. A piece of paper, looked almost 30 years old. We found out it was a sermon that my grandpa had preached way, way back in the day. And someone had spilled some kind of oil and that had gotten stuck to it and preserved it over the years. We brought my very frail grandpa out into the garage and told him what it was. He stared at it for about 5 seconds and said "Well, I guess that's one of my sermons that stuck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibelieveinfairies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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Pastor got the whole congregation

sitting quietly during sermon Pastor: Anybody know who the only person in the bible without parents is? not one raised hand Pastor: Joeseph, son of nun. a room full of groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollinBourland
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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