Teaching Food Puns

Wife made asian food for dinner last night, Tofu/Rice/Veggies/Chicken Wontons.

Toddler is killing the wontons and we teach him how to say "wonton" so he can ask for more correctly.

As he's stuffing another piece into his mouth I ask him "hey bubba, do you like wontons?"

To which my son replies, "No..like twotons"

My son's first joke and it's a dad joke...i'm just so proud lol....

So, my wife was telling about how disappointed she was at our kindergartener's "Spring Fling" party this year. She described this one "activity" Where the kids throw a roll of toilet paper and try to ring a toilet.

I remarked "Wow.. that -is- pretty shitty!" And she scolded me for using foul language. "Yea.. sorry for the potty mouth... I'll water it down next time.."

So my whole family went out for the traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food, and I marveled at how good the place was, since we'd never tried it out before. Dad says it was a recommendation from a friend of his who I didn't know; I asked what she did and he said she was a 2-year old nursery school teacher.

I replied, "Wow, she must be pretty advanced for a 2-year old if they let her teach nursery school!" My step-mom laughed, then looked at me, then back at my dad, and went "well, he's definitely got your sense of humor."

My wife was just babywearing our 11-week-old while she cooked dinner. As she did so, she was having a conversation both with our daughter and all the utensils.

"See, all the food in the pan is going sizzle sizzle sizzle! And we use Mr. Spatula to move it around. Say hi to Mr. Spatula! And then once it's done, we're going to put into Mr. Strainer. Can you say hi to Mr. Strainer?"

"Hey!", I interjected, "Absolutely not! Don't you go teaching her to talk to strainers!"

So my 7 month old daughter (who is breastfed) is sitting with her mother and patting and laying her head on her mother's boobs, so then i look over and say "baby girl, didn't your mother ever teach you not to play with your food?" Needles to say, face palms all around. I'll take my leave now......