If the X-Men turned against Professor X it would be a Mutanty
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McKynnen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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A professor studies bisexual people

He is a professor of biology

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therderper123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I used to date a professor

Now i just called him " Professor X"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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An English professor was telling his class that a double negative makes a positive, but there was no case in which a double positive creates a negative.

From the back of the room a Physics professor said, "Yeah, yeah."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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A man asks a professor, "Do you think Einstein's theory was good?"

The professor replies. "Relatively."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comforted-2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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Came up with this in calculus class

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"yβ‚€," says the professor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamnomad101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Which professor was good enough to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 2019?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaacides
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Me: what is a haiku?

Professor: five, seven, five. Me: got it thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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I am very upset that I just got an F on my essay

The professor asked for it Chicago Style so I turned it in in a deep dish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaghettimoan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture.

He kept calling the professor a quack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StormtrooperMJS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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Variations on Cake by the Ocean

Having dessert in Professor Snape's class? That's
Cake by the potion

Having dessert while moisturizing your skin?
Cake by the lotion

Having dessert in limine?
Cake by the motion (mine)

Having dessert along with kinetic force?
Cake by the motion (my daughter)

Having dessert while dividing it?
Cake by the quotient

Having dessert while you blow things up?
Cake by the explosion

Having dessert while you come up with an idea?
Cake by the notion

Having dessert while watching chaos?
Cake by the commotion

Having dessert next to someone who is getting a new job? Hopefully it's
Cake by the promotion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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A person who studies how nut allergies effect the human body

Are they known as a Nutty Professor?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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Real dad joke story time.

I was in a medieval literature class in college and the professor asked the class, "what can we tell about courtly love."

To which I respond, "well, she wasn't much help to Kurt Cobain."

No one laughed while I beamed with pride at my joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mynickname86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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A female pope pun

I thought of this pun in class in university back in the late 90s, and I thought it was funny. I still stand by it, and will do so until I die.

We were discussing the conspiracy that there was possibly a female pope at one time in history. The professor asked how would they even know if a certain pope was female. How would they discover it?

I turned to the guy sitting next to me: "Maybe a Papal smear?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacobasNile
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Math Conversions

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Credit to my economics professor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_kleco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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There's no reason to transfigure this pun!

Professor- Ok Class, I am your professor, McGonagall, and today I will be teaching you about the transfiguration spell, Now do any of you actually know of the spell?

(silence)

Professor- Well then, I'll just have to Show you.. now, the hand movements are precisely like... this(hand movement)!Now any volunteers.?

Me- Raises hand

Professor -Ok then, your task is to turn this bear into a.... Clock!

Me-Oh no! I can't Bear to watch!!!!!!!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DonnAwesome
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Why did the Olympic athlete throw his reading assignment away?

His professor asked him to discus it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StanggTwin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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Professor just dad-joked the class on the first day

So, our professor was calling out names for attendance:

Professor: "Holly Brown?"

Holly: "Here."

Professor: "Xu Shuo?"

silence

Professor: "I guess we can all say that he's a no-Shuo...."

Facepalms and groans scattered across the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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A man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method

A young man comes up with a great idea for a new shipping method. He designs everything himself, hires people to create models, and deduces that he can use old fashioned boating technology to increase shipping speeds by up to 350%. This is obviously a great innovation, so he calls up a former Business professor from college and gets into contact with a manufacturer. The manufacturer makes the man come in and present his design to the board of directors, so they schedule a meeting in two weeks.

At the meeting, the board is blown away. The man’s charisma, design, and equations all point to a massive innovation in shipping. The company is poised to make a huge profit. Construction starts immediately.

On his flight back, the man happens to sits next to his old buddy from high school, Jimmy. Jimmy tells the man that he has just blown the farming world wide open. His new GMO potato produces five times as much energy and has been the talk of the world. Jimmy says that all the news outlets have been reporting potatoes to be the next big superfood, and his design is poised to make him millions, if not billions of dollars. Jimmy pitches the man for the entire plane ride, and convinced him. They hop on the next flight back to visit the board of directors once again. The board is shocked. Both ideas stand to make billions of dollars for the company, but there is one slight problem.

The CEO says to the man, β€œwe know you have these two ideas. However, we can only allocate enough resources to make one of them profitable. I recommend you take some time off and really decide which of these ideas you want our company to produce. We can schedule a meeting in a few weeks if that works for you.”

The man says right back to the CEO, β€œI’m going to take a walk and clear my head. This is a big decision” and walks right out of the room.

Not even five seconds later the man comes back into the room and says β€œI’ve made my decision. Let’s go with the shipping method.” This shocks the CEO, who says β€œare you sure?? This is a billion dollar decision and you only took five seconds to think about it.”

The man looks back at him and says β€œwell, in this business time is moneyβ€” so I decided to make my decision schooner rather than tater”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearGuru
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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First day of class, professor joke

First day of the new semester. I'm at my first class, Experimental Statistics. The professor is going over the syllabus and everything then stops for us to do an "exercise."

He tells us to turn to the person next to us and ask them to marry us.

(If you must know, the guy on side me said no. Apparently it was something I said.)

We start to quiet down and wait for the explanation of why 1000 students just asked each other to marriage.

The professor said that it was important for his students to be engaged during class.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigguy1027
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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What do you call a graduate student that teaches?

A Semi-Professor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bg001x
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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What’s the difference between a carp and a lawyer?

One’s a loathsome bottom feeder, and the other’s a fish.

my law professor told this joke to start class off today

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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedyeddie
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts...

I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HipstersAnonymous
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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Me: My dog ate my homework

Sci Comp Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?

Me:

Prof:

Me: It took him a couple of bytes.

(Saw this on r/puns)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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My professor just dedicated an entire 2-hour class to make ONE dadjoke.

Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."

The whole class is like wat...?

Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.

To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ITasteLikePurple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent.

[note: my eng 101 professor told me this, but he is a dad]

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watoko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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A chemistry student turns to his professor and excitedly exclaims "Sir this mountain has exactly 6.022x10^23 atoms in it!"

The professor sighs replying "no need to make mountains out of mol hills"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5ision
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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You guys hear Eddie Murphy and Mr. Potatohead are doing a movie?!?

They named I️t Spuddy Professor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VPoff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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An entire auditorium groaned...

I have a course in religious symbols at university, and we had an assignment to go around town and take pictures of random religious symbols we would stumble over. Next lecture the Professor had made a collection of the best pictures into a powerpoint and we were to spend two hours analyzing them.
After about an hour we came to this picture of a wiccan pentagram in the window above a animalshelter, and the professor asked: "Why do you think this is here?" before I even had time to think, and stop my self I bursted: Maybe a dyslectic thought it was a PETAgram?
Alot of bored students life got a tad more depressing after that...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenJohnnyN
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Biology Dad Joke

My Bio professor was teaching us how to press plants for our field journals. He kicked off the lecture with:

"Well, let's get down to the pressing business, shall we?"

Out of a room of twenty people, one person laughed. That person was me.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnorexicBuddha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
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Got rekt by my Political Science Professor

lecture about US political culture

Prof: You guys like magic

Class: Yeah!

Prof: Okay I need a volunteer

I raised my hand so he picked me

Prof: Okay pull out a dollar bill and point out the wings of the bald eagle

I do

Prof: Okay I want you to fold the bill 3 times long ways then hand it to me

i fold it then hand it to him

Prof: You can still see the wings right? okay I am now going to fold it sideways into 3rds then I want you to hold out 3 fingers with your palm up

he places the folded bill onto my fingers with the center third flat on my hand

Prof: now say wing 3 times

Me: Wing wing wing

prof picks up the bill and holds it up to his ear

Prof: Hello?? This is Professor Frank, who is this?

The whole class couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes xD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SN1P3RJOE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
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Professor: Why are we here?

Me:Isn’t this intro to philosophy?

Professor: Yes, and I think you’ll fail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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What do you call Archimedes when he takes a bath?

Professor Soak

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MansSad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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My econ professor just hit us with a dad joke

Kid in the class: β€œoh you lived in Japan, do you know Kung fu?”

Professor: β€œno. I didn’t know Kung fu, but I knew his brother Harry”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SedatedAlpaca
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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A physicist, a statistician, and a mathematician go deer hunting together.

They see a deer, so the physicist takes a shot and misses 3 feet to the left. The mathematician takes a shot and misses 3 feet to the right. The statistician puts his gun down, and yells β€œgood job guys! We hit!”. (Technically a joke from my professor, but it felt very fitting here).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WavvesDude
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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Sometimes I like to confess the positive things I've done or the things I've done right.

I guess you could call me a Professor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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Student: Sorry Professor, I’m not going to report my Mexican friend to the police.

Professor: All I want is that you turn in your essay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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Help with a coffee pun?

I've just finished my final paper on Starbucks, Diversity, and Excellence Theory. My professor loves witty titles, but my brain is mush. Suggestions? I can't espresso how much it will help me. Thanks a latte.

Thanks everyone! I loved all of your responses. I titled my paper Brewing Effective Public Relations: Excellence in Diversity at Starbucks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hollish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2012
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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An unbridled masterpiece of a horse pun to one of my students this morning. It's a long setup, but dads will appreciate it. This one really happened as written.

So, I'm a Spanish professor, and I gave a final exam this morning. One of the last parts was that students had to write a paragraph using reflexive verbs in which they describe their daily routine. Since the class only had nine students in it, I told them that if they wanted to wait, I would grade their exams for them and tell them their class grade.

It was an open-book final exam (11 pages long), so I was in my office, and a graduating senior finished first and gave me her exam. When I got to her paragraph, I saw that she had written in Spanish that every day she woke up, got up, took a shower, got dressed, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then she and her friend Emmy went horseback riding. Now, I knew that she didn't go horseback riding, ever, but that it was vocabulary from the previous chapter. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Horseback riding? Really?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every day?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every single day?
Her: SΓ­, SeΓ±or.
Me: I guess you could call it a stable routine then.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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Why was the 6 afraid of the 7? Because 7 ate 9...

Do you know why 7 ate 9 in that famous joke about 6 being afraid of 7? 7 wanted to eat three squared meals a day!

*Credit to my old physics professor for this one. Taking dad jokes to new levels!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killsanity
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
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Got my entire class to moan with this one!

My Ecology professor was talking about Iguanas that freeze and fall from trees. So I raised my hand in a class of 150 people and said "I don't believe you, Iguana see it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatOdlnsRaven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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Dadjoked my name

I am a college professor and had my first lecture in front of a new class today. I said, "Good morning, for those of you whom I haven't met yet, my name is Dr. Jones. Actually, for those of you whom I've already met, my name is still Dr. Jones."

crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Noir
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Neuroanatomy professor dad jokes the class

He was lecturing on the cranial nerves, which do pretty much everything for the head. They control all 5 senses and motor output as well as some other non relevant stuff.

Professor: So class does everyone remember what the senses are?

Class: touch/pain, sight, hearing/equilibrium, smell, taste.

Professor: Does anyone know what the sixth sense is?

Class: (thinking hes serious) Guess random shit like magnetoreception.

Professor: The sixth sense is the ability to see dead people.

Class: combination of groans and laughter

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/braaaaiins
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
🚨︎ report

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