Hugh probably know him by Jackman
Huge jack men
Because Prof. X made him a supervisor.
Per-mutations.
It was Marvelous!
Because he always steels the show.
Me: what did you think about the movie? Dad: It was X-traordinary facepalm (5 second wait) It X-ceeded my X-pectations Me: Stop! Dad: All in all quite X-cellent
It was Hughnanimous.
Walking out of the theater I said, "All I have to say about Hugh Jackman is that his name is accurate. He was jacked, man!" My dad looks over at me, confused. He goes, "What are Hugh talking about?" Laughs were had.
So last night we were watching the first X-Men. When Wolverine first wakes up in the manor and is trying to escape, the elevator door opens and I say "hey look, he found the X-it.". Groans and eyerollings all around.
Daughter: pseudo-complaining that she keeps getting requests to see it, "everyone keeps taking her."
Me: "Are you saying she's gone Rogue?"
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "¡Eso sí que es!"
"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
I did some yardwork yesterday and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Time for another beer.
It closed after a week as most men couldn't find it.
One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.
The other says, you can’t do that. That dog’ll bite you.
Raw men noodles.
Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.
"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.
"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.
The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:
"Clearly the Czech is in the male."
They are so good at pointing out everything men do wrong already.
Maybe I could be her new taste in men
...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:
DR: how can I help? Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!
They are real Marx-men
They both grind men's bones to make bread
Because men can't breastfeed.
The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
BadMenTon
They prefer raw men.
(ramen).
Good Tie-dings to all men!
They are all ex men
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
Because female problems have a tendency to start with “men”.
Man: Can I see the menu please?
Waiter: The men I please are none of your business.
They could call it "The Fast and the Furious."
They needed 3 wise men and a virgin
For the wise men once said: Don't fear the Reaper
It's something that a hundred men or more could never do...
It was Marvelous
But it closed after a week, because most men couldn’t find it.
Because they prefer raw men.
