The guy who played Wolverine on X -men was awesome

Hugh probably know him by Jackman

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Who can X-Men and circus performers call to lift their large vehicles?

Huge jack men

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Trans X Men, call it "Ex-Men"
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killer0nTheRoad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do the X-men call their sperm?

The C-men

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaimegon123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If the X-Men turned against Professor X it would be a Mutanty
πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McKynnen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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Why is Cyclops in charge of the X-Men?

Because Prof. X made him a supervisor.

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iZacAsimov
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What is an efficient way to count all the X-men?

Per-mutations.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Just saw the new X-Men movie...

It was Marvelous!

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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
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Why don't the X-men let Colossus participate in their talent shows?

Because he always steels the show.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHobbes82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Went to watch X-Men Days of Future Past with my dad

Me: what did you think about the movie? Dad: It was X-traordinary facepalm (5 second wait) It X-ceeded my X-pectations Me: Stop! Dad: All in all quite X-cellent

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danmay
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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I read a poll in which every single respondent said that Wolverine was their favorite X-Men character.

It was Hughnanimous.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lipglosschaos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Saw X-Men: Days of Future Past with my dad today and got one-upped on my dad joke...

Walking out of the theater I said, "All I have to say about Hugh Jackman is that his name is accurate. He was jacked, man!" My dad looks over at me, confused. He goes, "What are Hugh talking about?" Laughs were had.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_grandprize
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
🚨︎ report
X-Men

So last night we were watching the first X-Men. When Wolverine first wakes up in the manor and is trying to escape, the elevator door opens and I say "hey look, he found the X-it.". Groans and eyerollings all around.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aston96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Daughter was given an X-Men figure

Daughter: pseudo-complaining that she keeps getting requests to see it, "everyone keeps taking her."

Me: "Are you saying she's gone Rogue?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/resonantSoul
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2014
🚨︎ report
You need two i's
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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my son

I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 424
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wezmondtutu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Beer time

I did some yardwork yesterday and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Time for another beer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berryville_con
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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A friend opened a strip club called the G.Spot...

It closed after a week as most men couldn't find it.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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There’s two old men sitting on their front porch when a dog comes up and starts licking it’s junk

One of the old men goes, man I wish I could do that.

The other says, you can’t do that. That dog’ll bite you.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozeneskimo02
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call uncooked cannibal pasta?

Raw men noodles.

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orderoffries32
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Some Campy Humor

Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.

"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.

"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.

The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:

"Clearly the Czech is in the male."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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More women should officiate sports.

They are so good at pointing out everything men do wrong already.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOcoee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I found out my crush is single, but she has COVID

Maybe I could be her new taste in men

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyhighjams
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
An undercover cop visits a doctors surgery...

...he pretends to be a patient and when the doctor it's him down he says:

DR: how can I help? Cop: Well I'm actually here because you're in trouble DR: Don't worry sir, most men your age suffer urine trouble!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are communists good at archery?

They are real Marx-men

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What's common between strippers and giants?

They both grind men's bones to make bread

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why nursing is a woman's job?

Because men can't breastfeed.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German man are all watching a street performer

The street performer notices the four men are very far to the back and cannot see, so he stands on a box and continues his performance while asking, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Si."

"Ja."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What sport do villains play the most?

BadMenTon

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Why don't cannibals cook their food?

They prefer raw men.

(ramen).

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting up a festive business where I attach Christmas bells to men's neckwear..

Good Tie-dings to all men!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Why are all female transgenders superheroes?

They are all ex men

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vincerion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Four men waiting in the hospital

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

β€œThat’s odd,” answers the man. β€œI work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

β€œThat’s weird,” answers the second man. β€œI work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, β€œCongratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

β€œThat’s strange,” he answers. β€œI work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. β€œWhat’s wrong?” the others ask.

β€œI work for 7 Up!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is it called the β€œmenstrual cycle”?

Because female problems have a tendency to start with β€œmen”.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a restaurant.

Man: Can I see the menu please?

Waiter: The men I please are none of your business.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/303x
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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DC and Marvel should make a crossover between The Flash and The Incredible Hulk.

They could call it "The Fast and the Furious."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kwakerjak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you know Jesus wasn't born in America?

They needed 3 wise men and a virgin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
FeMales

Are just Iron Men

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knucklehead27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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No time for proofreading,

We dye like men.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moronphoton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Carolina Reaper is one of the spiciest peppers in the world. But they are not scary.

For the wise men once said: Don't fear the Reaper

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpdaca
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to hear 99 people sing 'Africa' by Toto.

It's something that a hundred men or more could never do...

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Just saw the new X-Men movie...

It was Marvelous

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2017
🚨︎ report
My friend opened a club called β€œThe G-Spot”

But it closed after a week, because most men couldn’t find it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaden_strommer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?

Because they prefer raw men.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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