The woman in charge of our local primary school has decided to resign.

She wants to quit while she's a head.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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I'm a primary school teacher and one of my kids got me in the lols with this one today... what's a witch's favorite subject?


πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America?

Elementary, my dear Watson

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Kids can become chemists after the primary schooling

Cuz they have the necessary ELEMENTARY education.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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Brought a tear to my eye

I'm currently teaching at a summer program for kids going into 1st grade through 6th grade. I've been using the opportunity to relentlessly torment the kids with dadjokes and puns, naturally.

This morning, one of my 6 year olds was having breakfast. She looked down at the oatmeal and said "Oooh, this is hot, and I'm cold."

She then instantly looked up at me and insisted "Don't call me cold, don't call me cold, don't call me cold!"

I'm so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/dakana
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2015
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Things with "dad" in them

Crawdads, doodads, hodads, your mom, the babysitter, your second-grade primary school teacher ...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Dad Joked my cousin's girlfriend last night

My cousin's girlfriend (CGF) is a primary school teacher and last night we were discussing her class size and the subjects she teaches.

Me: "How big are the classes you teach"

CGF: "ive got 28 in english and maths, 30 in science and 28 in topics"

Me: "What on earth is topics?"

CGF: "oh its stuff like history, R.S, Art, Geography and all that stuff"

Me (With the biggest grin on my face holding back laughter): "OH, THE HUMANITIES"

my girlfreind and CGF groan, me and cousin laugh and high five.

Sidenote. My couisn is one of the biggest dad jokers ive ever met, so he really apreciated the terrible joke.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skin969
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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On a trip to Universal Studios

This was quite a while ago, I was probably in middle school (currently 26). My family took a quick day trip to Universal Studios Hollywood since we live in the greater LA area. Now to set the scene, my dad is a native of Mexico but has lived here since his late teens so his English is pretty good with a tinge of an accent since Spanish is his primary language. We park in the parking garage on property and we do the usual "make a mental note of where we parked for later". That's when I see a smirk come across his face as he turns to me laughing under his breath.

-"What's so funny?"

-"Notice where we parked?"

-"Yeah. Jurassic Park lot, 3B"

Cue dad

-"Jurassic Park..." half expecting me to laugh. He continues "Jurassic Park... Jurr-Ass-is-Parked"


As terrible as it was at the time, I've tried to pull this joke out with friends years later, eye rolls and crickets. Thanks dad.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/lpmark04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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Sherlock Knows It

Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America? Elementary, my dear Watson.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/euwrank3262
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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