A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks her. "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
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︎ May 11 2021
I used to be a judge for the world orchestra championships, but I quit because too many of them were coming out with outlandish sob stories to win me over...
Always trying to get the symphony vote.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
I only judge men that are tall
I guess you could say Iβm judgemental
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Donβt judge a meal by the look of the first course.
Itβs very souperficial.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
A proton went before a judge...
... for impersonating a hydrogen atom. The verdict was "guilty as charged".
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︎ Apr 15 2021
Did you hear that a judge has demanded Dr. Pimple Popper grab any person off the street and remove pus-filled sacs within their skin?
It's a seize and de-cyst order!
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︎ Apr 29 2021
What did the judge say when she went to the dentist?
Do you swear to take the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
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︎ Apr 08 2021
i created this dont judge.... π
Me: mumbles I did not understand this chapter about electricity...
My friend: Watt?
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︎ Feb 04 2021
When the Wright Brothers were arrested for trespassing at Kitty Hawk, the judge refused to grant them bail...
...he considered them a flight risk.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Joke from my 10 yr old: How do hobbits judge their designs?
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︎ Feb 20 2021
I made the Judge laugh so hard
I was guilty of Mans laughter.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
My coworker asked me to judge their tan...
I gave it a tan out of tan.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...
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︎ Jan 28 2021
For the charge of murder, the judge only gave Ray Liotta and Joe Pesci community service
because they were goodfellas
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"
The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"
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︎ Feb 11 2021
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
βOdour in the court!β
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 19 2021
Judge threw the book at her
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︎ Oct 25 2020
What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?
βIn my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl playβ
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︎ Dec 07 2020
βJudge, 50% of my parking tickets are bogus!β
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok..... Judge, half of my parking tickets are bogus!
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︎ Sep 24 2020
What do you call a judge who broke the law?
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︎ Oct 26 2020
Mickey mouse failed to divorce with Minnie mouse because the judges said βyou canβt just divorce with someone for being stupidβ to which Mickey said:
βI didnβt say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofyβ
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︎ Sep 13 2020
What does a judge get with his whiskey?
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 06 2020
What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?
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︎ Sep 21 2020
I am a judge for peanut beauty pageants
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︎ Aug 05 2020
A little corny, but who am I to judge?
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︎ Oct 02 2018
What kind of dinosaur judges you?
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
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︎ Dec 12 2019
Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?
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︎ Jun 06 2020
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice,
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︎ Jun 15 2020
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...
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︎ Jun 16 2020
Why was horse declared as innocent by the judge?
Because he de-neigh-ed everything.
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Oh look, The diction-fairy (never judge a girl by her cover) XD
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︎ Apr 23 2020
Judges being Pundits
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︎ Apr 06 2020
Judge Dread
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︎ Mar 30 2020
When I tried to admit new evidence to the trial, the judge threw a Granny Smith at me...
I then remembered it's an apple-late court.
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︎ Jul 24 2020
What do judges like to wear?
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︎ Dec 29 2019
What did the man say when he caught his wife cheating with the judge
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 20 2020
I got an apiarist to judge my beauty pageant
Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the bee holder
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︎ Jul 01 2020
Judge: Order in the court!
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries
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︎ Apr 10 2020
What did the judge say to the dentist?
DO you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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︎ Feb 18 2021
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. βFirst offender?β the judge asked.
βNoβ she replied. βFirst a Gibson , then a Fenderβ
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︎ Dec 03 2020
What did the judge say to the molar?
Do you swear to tell the tooth and nothing but the tooth?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom
π︎ 45
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︎ Oct 29 2020
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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︎ Oct 18 2020
βJudge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!β
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
βJudge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!β
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
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︎ Oct 31 2019
What do you call a judge without any fingers?
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︎ Jul 20 2020
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