I just downloaded the new app which will evaluate you bank account and tell you which Apple product you can afford. Turns out I can afford,

Apple juice

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lisajean1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why, but there’s something exciting about evaluating women’s armpits...

Its just really axilla rating.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CubanZirconium
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Went in for a psychiatric evaluation and the shrink asked me to strip from the waist down!?

He said: Well, I can clearly see your nuts

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/7PrawnStar7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a waterbed more bouncy?

Add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 175
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sisrael81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Reflecting how you feel after selling pictures of yourself is self-evaluation on selfie valuation
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AsymptoticAbyss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A Puntitled Framework for Evaluating the Quality of Puns slifty.com/2016/03/a-punt…
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slifty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Was at the doctor while my partner was getting an evaluation before hand surgery.

Doctor, to my partner about her injury: Do you have any other fingers?

Me: Well, she's got nine others, but it's only the one that's bothering her.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheephound
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Math?

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4)/7 + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0

Well measured.

>!The expression evaluates true, but it also forms a limmerick when read out loud (click it to read a spoken version).!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my girlfriend at concert

My girlfriend and I went to a Glitch Mob concert a couple of days ago. When we walked into the venue, the smoke machines were already on, it was almost impossible to see the stage. Immediately I turn to her and say

"Man, I don't know if we'll remember this concert tomorrow morning."

"Why?"

"Our memory might be a little foggy."

I had to go look for her in the crowd.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaffire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Volunteered at a bike shop today

This bike shop takes in old bicycles, repairs them, and sells them for an incredibly low price. I volunteer there pretty frequently mostly because I want to learn about bike maintenance.

Another volunteer and I were working on evaluating a bike to see if it was alright to sell. We were both trying to get the tires off the rims.

"Fuck, this tire is not coming off!"

"Yeah, it's being really tiresome."

He looked at me, shook his head, gave a slight groan, and started to laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emperor_of_Cats
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my interviewer today.

So i went in for an interview at my local State college. It used to be a community college a few years ago. The job was for evaluating transcripts and archiving them. Anyway, I get offered the job, and of course a I accept. We were going over some procedural paperwork, I-9, W-4 you know that stuff.

He asks me my birthday, and I say June 24.

"What year?" "Every year."

He just stares at me with a bit of a disgruntled expression.

Yeah new boss, I'm going to be that guy.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smubii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.