What do you call a friend who estimates everything?

An approxi-mate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/octalgon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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A friend was happy with their window estimate.

http://imgur.com/sKClSM4

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbman90
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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I am thinking of pursuing a career in crowd estimation.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I am thinking of pursuing a job as a crowd estimator.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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I always wanted a job estimating crowd sizes.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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I always think about getting a job estimating crowd sizes for different outdoor events.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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I’m thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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What's Forrest Gump's computer password?

1forrest1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nearly_Mental
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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These are bullets
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsnicr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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A Ramen Noodle truck overturned on the freeway today, spilling all its contents out onto the road...

Damages are estimated at $4.81 !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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What’s ET short for?

Cause he has little legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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I asked a real estate agent how much it would cost to buy a hockey stadium.

But she said she could only give me a ballpark estimate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zephyrcoco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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How many books are there based on an evil government with thought police?

Estimates put it anywhere from 451 to 1984.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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A semi filled with ramen jackknifed on the highway destroying all the contents.

Damage was estimated at nearly $14.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seattledandy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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My dad was way too proud of this one

So my dad and I went to a baseball game and during the game he turns and asks, "Son, how many people do you think can fit in this stadium?" When I began to think about it, he gave me this look and then cheekily says, "I just want a ballpark estimate".

He thinks this is his magnum opus dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freewillyswilly
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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About the newest Microsoft patch

Microsoft confirms that there's an issue with their most recent patch: it can corrupt Windows installations. A Microsoft developer by the name of Benedict [Last name withheld due to reddit rules] admitted that the code he wrote was faulty and could lead to corruption of some system files. However, Microsoft still recommends downloading the patch, since these cases are rare, and a tool that repairs affected installations will be available by tomorrow, and can easily be downloaded, since the faulty patch doesn't break any Internet features. Microsoft estimates that only 0.002% of Windows installations will be affected, and that on all other PCs, the patch does fix the bug it addresses. Although some sources on the net claim otherwise, Microsoft states that...

Benedict's Blunder Patch is low-key.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
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I dad joked my interviewer.

During a phone interview, I was asked to compute some basic physics problems without a calculator. One question involved estimating if a baseball would clear the fence when hit. I told the interviewer that I would approximate gravitational acceleration to 10 m/s^2 to give me "a ballpark answer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/splorkt
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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Long con to a classic dadjoke on my kindergartener

This morning, my 5 year old (Definitely not really named H) and I were discussing the hardships of having to attend (all-day) kindergarten nearly every day (on his third day). So, we applied some estimates and came up with the following:

Me: "So, there are about 200 days you go to school this year. And, since you're in kindergarten, you have at least 13 years of school. So you have about 2600 days of school left. At least."

H: "...Okay..."

Me: "But, do you have to do a week of school today? Or just one day?"

H: "Just one."

Me: "Right. And you can handle one day. You've already done that twice, and you liked them both."

H: "Yeah."

Me: "So, you can handle this, right? Just one day at a time."

H: "Yeah, I can do that."

Me: "So, do you want to hear a dumb joke?"

H: "Sure."

Me: "How do you eat an elephant?"

H: "What?! I dunno."

Me: "One bite at a time."

[H groans, flops down on the bed, and starts maybe-playfully kicking at me]

Me: "Hey, I told you it was a dumb

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2015
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Manager dadjoked us in the morning meeting

Context: I work at an aerospace company. There are two airlines that just contacted Us for work cost estimates: Lion Air and TigerAir. Designer: "I'm swamped with this Lion Air quote, I'll have to push Tiger's to tomorrow..." Manager: "Lions, tigers, and Baers, oh my!" (Baer is a private charter airline) He stood in the corner after that as we groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lorryguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2016
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Dad took me to the barbershop a couple of years ago.

Dad took me to the barbershop a couple years ago. The barber looked at my mop and asked, "haircut?". And my Dad replied, "well, just give me an estimate."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-matt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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A little bit of a mathy joke

I was in a stats course and we were doing some regression. To estimate the parameters, we need to square a bunch of differences and add them up. This is called the "Sum of Squares," so I leaned over to my friend and asked "Why not all of them?"

Fortunately my friends are needs, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/De-Vox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2015
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Eyesight test
  1. You will need a few small pieces of paper or 'cards'. Write down a short sentence on each piece starting with a large font and slowly decreasing it as you go. The last piece should have "I can't see" and all of them should be legible from a short distance. Print if you must!
  2. Find a victim friend/child and tell them you have read about an eye test on the internet that you can do at home which will provide an estimate to your eyesight and that you wish to try it on them.
  3. Chances are they will agree. If they're embarrassed their eyesight is bad or similar convince them it doesn't matter. If they are wearing glasses you can ask them to take them off to make your story seem more authentic. Stand a bit away from target (the distance you stand from said person should be enough so they can read all your cards so alter according to their eyesight)
  4. Slowly reveal each card and ask your subject to read them out aloud.
  5. When you reach your final card and they read it out, if
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sponge_bob_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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