I have finished childproofing my home but I didn't do a good job.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ May 19 2021
Fun fact: Julius Caesar never told his men "Good job".
This is likely because he couldn't speak English.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 19 2021
What is a good job for a fish that has perfect pitch?
Guitar tuna
Sorry, this is really bad even by dad joke standards.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 05 2021
Why is picking vegetables a good job?
It comes with a great celery
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
In my job interview I was asked what some of my good qualities were...
Well my doctor always calls me patient.
π︎ 90
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
A guyβs Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
Why are scarecrows so good at their jobs?
Theyβre outstanding in their field
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Good job coming dad. (3 year old son after he told me to come eat breakfast)
Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.
He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Her: "Nice job, these are good scones"
Me: "That's what I was scone for!"
Her: "Ugh." eyeroll
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
Why are Police Dogs so good at their jobs?
Because theyβre always pursuing leads.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
there once was a farmer, who wasn't just good at his job.
He was out standing in his field
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
I had a really good job at the park sweeping leaves,
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 09 2020
I'm here to make a serious complaint about my local subway. Generally they do a good job, but I today I did an online order (so I didnt SEE them make anything). I didnt unwrap it in the store to check (because who does that), but when I got home it was absolutely not what I ordered.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
A farmer isnβt just good at his job...
Heβs out standing in his field.
Edit: Wow, my first ever silver! Thanks guys.
π︎ 349
π
︎ Jan 15 2019
My Dad said it was always important to make a good impression at the start of a job interview...
So whenever I went for one I always entered the room saying βNice to see you, to see you....β. Only once did someone respond.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 31 2019
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him βSo why do you think youβd make a good waiterβ and the man replied βWell, I think I could bring a lot to the tableβ
π︎ 72
π
︎ Oct 03 2019
My job is telling genuine trees apart from fake trees. I was so worried I'd be bad at it but as it happens I'm quite good.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Sep 20 2019
When my ex wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, βGood job. Well done.β
I wanted things to end on a positive note.
π︎ 53
π
︎ Jul 15 2018
I once got a job offer to work at a tennis sporting goods store.
But it was just a racket. π
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 02 2019
My ice machine was really cool, so I decided to encourage it... I said, "good job ice machine, you're crushing it."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 23 2019
What did the Egg say to the Ant that was very good as its job?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
Being a Train driver must be a good Job.
In this role you always will find yourself on track.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 25 2019
Good job Bo!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 01 2018
I hired someone to iron my clothes. They did such a good job.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 11 2019
why was the seamstress so good at her job?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 03 2019
Some puns here do a good job at pushing the envelope. Too bad they'll always be stationery.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jun 12 2016
What do auctioneers have to know to be good at their jobs?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 07 2019
Good job we keep the glasses in the kitchen
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 21 2017
What do you say to someone that's good at their job at the ice factory?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 14 2018
A scarecrow is not simply good at its' job.
It is outstanding in the field (on a (re-)post).
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 15 2019
Train conductors are really good at their job
Because theyβre training everyday!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 09 2018
Most people have a good paying job, priests on the other hand have a god praying job
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 27 2018
I graduated from University with Honors, but even after all that effort I STILL can't find a good job
It's a distinction without a difference
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 19 2017
My Red headed friend's job is delivering baked goods to stores.
He is the 'Ginger Breadman'!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 28 2018
What did the very unorthodox dairy factory manager say to his security manager named Shaun who was very good at his job?
"Nothing here gets past-your-eyes-eh-Shaun?"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 27 2017
Good Job Son!
Dad: How is school going?
Son: Bad. Today the teacher kicked me out of class and made me stand outside.
Dad: Good Job son! You're and outstanding student now.
Badum tsss...
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 15 2015
Scarecrows are really good at their jobs.
Usually outstanding in their fields.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 23 2016
I had a job at a tennis goods factory
I got fired for making a racquet
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 25 2016
Why is the scarecrow so good at his job
Because heβs outstanding in the his field
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
Why was the scarecrow so good at his job?
Heβs out standing in his field
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 11 2019
Why are scarecrows so good at their jobs?
Because they are always out standing in their field.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 26 2018
The farmer isn't just good at his job
He's out standing in his field
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 25 2018
That farmer isn't just good at his job
He's out standing in his field.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 29 2018
I'm a farmer and I'm not just good at my job
I'm out standing in my field.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 19 2018
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