Gun Pun!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pun420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
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My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.

Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."

He's a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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The gun actually goes off in the 2nd...
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogmatic_Catalyst
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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Shop assistant fought off armed robber with his labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerStorm83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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I heard on the news, a man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.

Apparently he's now completely recovered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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My wife asked why I carry a gun in the house.

I told her decepticons. She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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What is a machine guns' favorite breakfast meal?

A frittata-tatata.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RipVanWinkle_1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
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What does Reese Witherspoon call her gun collection?

Reese’s Pieces

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewleckrone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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How do you put a gun in it's place?

You tell it that the world does not revolver- round you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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What do you call a gun made of Sodium Chloride?

An A-Salt Rifle.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Chxrles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun

He said "I'm going to choo choo"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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What does every Mime have on their gun?

A silencer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumender
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
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What happened to Guns 'n Roses' tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair?

Its axle rose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poobutt42069
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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an American IT specialist was beaten even though he had a gun with him

He had troubleshooting

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GSterian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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I had a cop draw a gun on me once

He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
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What do bloods call their guns?

Criptonite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s3Nq
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chairfairy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
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What do you call a gun that cries?

A musket tear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wippwipp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
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This gun club wouldn't let me in until I could ejaculate bullets.

I was skeptical at first, but eventually I came a round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
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Whats a cats favorite gun manufacturer?

Meowser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Hue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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What do you call peanuts with guns?

Packing Peanuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrSwagtasticDDS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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What do you call it when a Gun gives birth to a Monkey

A Chimp off the old Glock

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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I put a hand gun in a long sandwich.

Now it’s a Sub Machine Gun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkyman3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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I shot a man with a paintball gun...

....just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag

The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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I never tried using a gun ever before...

I'm planning to give it a shot, though.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperFeather0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Just heard about this gun smuggler they caught named T-Rex.

He was a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andS0NS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 623
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun.

Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 352
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What did the angry gun say to the bullet after shooting it?

You are fired.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!

Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What do you call a sweet gun?

Dessert Eagle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Staters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I buy my guns from a guy called "T Rex"

He's a small arms dealer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I'm sticking with/to my guns. It makes sense either way
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masterkibyknight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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His gun fires bullets imprinted with "Dumbass"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hyaaaa_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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There is nothing stronger than a finger gun...

except for a hand gun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anbre_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I’m mad at my wife because I bought a stun gun for her birthday and she tested it out on me. Twice.

What a revolting response to a gift. I was stunned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What kind of gun is common in Canada?

An β€œEh K”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pharmerino
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Give a kaiju a gun, call that Glockzilla
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KiddBlack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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They Are Coming For Our Puns (Guns) - Say NO to Pun Control. beartariatimes.com/2020/1…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BannanaCabana
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I shot a man with a paintball gun...

....just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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