Gun Pun!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pun420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
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My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I buy my guns from a guy called "T Rex"

He's a small arms dealer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
I'm sticking with/to my guns. It makes sense either way
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masterkibyknight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?

Because they go β€œpew pew pew”.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
If guns don't kill people, people kill people...

That means that toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sedulas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
I buy my guns from a T-Rex.

He's a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 132
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun with no hair?

A bald deagle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColdSun1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.

He dyed on impact.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
Florida man shot over 200 times with an upholstery gun...

...Doctors say he's now fully recovered

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Warlach
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die

This fact is just mind-blowing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deoxys14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call sodium chloride carrying a gun?

A salt with a deadly weapon.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boodahbellie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Except when he's with a gun.....then he'd be gunning
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
What do guns, vaginas, hospitals, and war crimes have in common?

discharge.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grandviewsurfer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Why did the gun go off on someone?

It was triggered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewZabar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun made of crayons?

A weapon of mass creation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightmare21723
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
When you fire a Laser gun

https://imgur.com/gallery/TMpi7zN

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaymonDGYC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Why do guns only work when they are fired.

Please help. I am tired but I can't fall asleep. I need the ultimate answer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrickyBullfrog2
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.

He's okay. He's recovered now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
I once saw two guns get married.

It was a shotgun wedding.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that got shot with an upholstery gun 200 times?

They said he's fully recovered.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/33arig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
I dropped my gun in the avocado dip. . .

Now is glockamole.

I don't care, I'll eat it anyway tomorrow on my toast for breakfast at ate a glock in the morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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What do guns and orgasms have in common?

They're both pretty cool but if you have either of them in a bank you're going to jail.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rare_Breed721
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
My gun and vacuum store doesn’t get really good reviews.

It seems to Suck and Blow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robindc_93
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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Hand gun.
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baedhisattva
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a squirt gun with urine in it...

A piss-tol

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TopHatLlama353
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
A man was shot more than 200 times with an upholstery gun...

Doctors revelaed he is now β€˜fully recovered’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Speaking of guns...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Seen a strawberry with a gun, robbing a lady.

Guessing he was in a jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eddie7325
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
This dude got really pissed at me for drawing a gun on him today

He said he's seen better and asked me to draw it again.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidCFalcon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Someone fired a gun into my phone

It was a screen shot

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyteronix
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
News: 1 man dead after being held hostage at gun point today

"You think these people would learn to stop hanging out at gun point already"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a T-rex that sells guns?

A small arms dealer!

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_1saac
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Why don't developers carry guns?

They have troubleshooting.

Edit: Wow! This really took off! I'm happy to have inspired so many grins, cringes, and chuckles!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PickleFart69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody just walked into the store with a gun.

Oh shoot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeopardyGreen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Co-worker got a new drill and another co-worker responded, "Oh man, he's got a gun!"

The followed response, "Guys calm down, it's just a drill."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilPeabnut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
People with guns love to read.

Magazines are their favorite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WinSquidGaming
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?

Bangs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
What happens when you give the sun a gun?

It becomes a shooting star.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meatbag_289
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of dinosaur sells guns?

A T Rex, they're small arms dealers

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
Who has eight guns and terrorizes the ocean?

Billy the squid

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandacoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
What do you get when cross a gun with a vagina?

A re-vulva

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danisstillalive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 1000 pound gorilla with a suit and tie and a machine gun?

β€œSir”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
I have a T-Rex who sells me hand guns.

He's my small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend just told me that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Gotta watch out for Those gun trafficking Dinosaurs
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowDabber
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
You know your uncle went to WWII with a toy gun

He had nerfs of steel

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramiel01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The term "getting the most bang for your buck" can be applied in a gun store and with a hooker
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AliciaTries
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Gun prices have skyrocketed recently...

Some people are saying they've shot through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Telephone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
me: i lost my gun

friend: aw shoot

me: i cant

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecodotmo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Octopus : [holding a gun in each hand]

Cat : You're one short buddy

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t like to use the word β€œgun”

People get triggered

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emastergamer01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that a group of dads created the ultimate gun?

It's called the jk-47

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gelldole
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My aunt always put a wad of Copenhagen between her cheek and gun before swimming...

She liked taking a dip.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
(My dad literally just told me this joke) A friend of mine just bought a hand gun from a t-rex.

He’s a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cl1ffordclose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 176
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?

Whatever it wants to be called.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLGCatz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard that you can now print a gun off a 3D printer, but I am not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?

He was a small-arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Haha funny american gun homicide jokes

Ive never understood school shooting jokes

Geuss they are aimed at a younger audience

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ftang_5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I buy my guns from a guy called T-Rex

He's a small arms dealer

πŸ‘︎ 780
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noir_Reaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do people run away from you if you have a knife but charge at you if you have a gun?

There is an extra charge for owning guns.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortalily
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My mate told me that putting superglue on my rifle was a bad idea, but I'm sticking to my guns
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eastwind45
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
3D printers can print guns now...

I'm not impressed... I had a Canon printer years ago

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What caliber is Chekhov's gun?

A Catch-22

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackOfTrading
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
It's no wonder guns became more the more popular weapon over swords...

...compared to guns, swords just don't cut it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?

H2Oww

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayBoy1879
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.

I would never armadillo.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePoeticElixir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report
No gun show here
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dufosho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I shot my enemy with a paintball gun

I wanted to see them dye

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mangojuiceloverr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say β€œTerry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.

You have died from dissin’ Terry

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sincons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's Vader's favorite gun?

A Sith & Wesson.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. If you don't get it look up "panda" in the dictionary ...

"Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves."


Since today Merriam Webster even has the word dad joke:

"a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/istrebitjel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I buy my guns from a guy that goes by β€œT-Rex”

He’s a small arms dealer

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/6stringsteev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Of course I believe in gun control!

I’m wearing sleeves, aren’t I?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wxmatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't dry fire with this gun...
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PCMM7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do laser guns and churches have in common?

Pews

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paxman2205
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the flower seller who got held up at gun point...

... he was a petrified florist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The ultimate dad joke a Hollywood could pull would be casting Ryan Gosling as Goose’s son in Top Gun 2.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Who decided to call it a gun box, and not a shoot case?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/napalm_roolz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I have anxiety everytime I use a gun.

I'm easily triggered.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I only buy my guns from a T-Rex...

because he's my small arms dealer

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingfreak207
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
A man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun...

.. doctors say he is now fully recovered.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZimbaZumba
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
I just shot a guy with a paintball gun.

He dyed on impact.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend just told me that he can print a gun using a 3D printer, but i’m not impressed

I’ve had a Canon printer for years

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsman12
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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