Why do cannons always spit out their ammo?

Because if they swallowed, it'd be cannonballism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Sweet_Lemon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
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What happened to Napoleon when he got struck by a cannon ball?

He was blown apart.

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirmandu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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What do you call someone who was fired from a cannon?

Unemployed.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcherniske
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Did you hear about the French general who used a cannon to start his kitchen remodel?

It was linoleum blownapart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capt-Redbeard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.

They couldn't find another man of his caliber.

πŸ‘︎ 884
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πŸ‘€︎ u/totuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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Pirate Crewmember: β€œTHE CANNONS BE READY, CAPTAIN!”

Pirate Captain: β€œAre...”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jam592501
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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What do you call a cannon that eats another cannon

Cannonball

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuciusBunBoy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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How did the cannon lose his job?

He was fired

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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Only a certain caliber of clown gets to be shot from the cannon
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeviAEthan512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Why does corn curve when you shoot it out of a cannon?

Because of the Corn-iolis Effect

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirk880
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
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I used to work at a cannon factory...

...but I got fired

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi5ghost27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
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My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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My friend just told me that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Pi-rate this pun out of 10.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarc_avenger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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Help with puns on biblical figures

I'm performing a comedy and I have an improv bit where I call someone a goofy name. It needs to be a pun on something in Judeo-Christian cannon, bonus points if it's about the angel michael. I.e. Michael Sword-an or Joan of Snark... something like that. Yall got suggestions???

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tesla_pasta
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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What do you call an official weapon that shoots pieces of music?

A canon canon cannon

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnysmart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2017
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(X post) An artillery captain was made a saint by the Catholic Church.

One could say he was cannonized,

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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What is your relationship to this big gun?

I’m the cannon fodder.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/underdog515049
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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It takes balls to make music like Tchaikovsky...

Cannon balls.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derumo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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Got my mom with this one yesterday.

Yesterday started a new motocross season for my nephew, so for his inaugural race a bunch of family went to watch him. I'm an amateur/hobbyist photographer so I brought my telephoto zoom lens out and my Canon body to get a few shots of him on the track. The assembled camera is about 18 inches in length. After putting it together:

Mom (first seeing it): Holy crap! That thing looks like a damn cannon!

Me: (pointing to the label) You sure know your cameras, it is a Canon!

Typical dad joke responses ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primacron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
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My American Cultures teacher is the perfect dad

We were watching a movie about the Battle at Wounded Knee, and it went something like this- "Fire at will!" (Commander) -scene changes to a man being hit by a cannon shot- "Oh no, they hit Will!!!" I think I was the only one who laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madmike34455
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Watching the kids choice sports awards when

Two guys show with these big guns ready to fire out into the crowd! This kid asks if they are slime cannons, I said no, they're t-shirt cannons!

My girlfriend turns around and says nah its Nick Cannon..

I'm just surprised I didn't say it before she did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnMcNutInMyButt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
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What happened to Napoleon when he got struck by a cannon ball?

He was blown apart.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirmandu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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An artillery captain was made a saint in the Catholic Church.

One could say he was cannonized.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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What do you call an official weapon that shoots pieces of music?

A canon canon cannon

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnysmart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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