I have this idea for a takeaway restaurant which just sells dairy

I call it whey-to-go

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/humanbeingahuman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I sat on my Indian takeaway...

...now, I have a bum tikka.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My local oriental takeaway got closed down because they found canine meat.

Shame I thought it was the dogs bollocks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gunganfalacio
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Not a big fan of piercings is the key takeaway
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Amateurlapse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a takeaway with dignity?

An honour kebab.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Maaaaaardy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Here's the latest episode of a competitive pun gameshow that I host, 'Punnit'. Where 3 contestants deliver their best pre-written pun to categories such as Board Games & Kitchen Utensils, Pokemon & Takeaway Dishes + more. youtube.com/watch?v=sjQg5…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PattersonHoodlum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I rang a local takeaway last night and asked β€œDo you deliver?”

They said β€œNo, but we do lamb, chicken and fish”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MJBGaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
a blind man walks into a takeaway and asks the woman behind the counter "can i have a pepperoni pizza please"

the woman states "sir this is a library"

the blind man replies "oh sorry, ^(can i have a pepperoni pizza please) "

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pepsiofdeath
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I ordered a curry the other day from a takeaway, that I'm usually rude to, when only one of items was delivered...

I thought to myself that's just korma.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinnPMcGee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Two of the men from the local monastery opened a takeaway shop on the premises.

There's the fish friar and the chip monk.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Spotted in Gateshead UK (Chinese takeaway)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unicornvega
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Chinese Takeaway

I was waiting for Chinese takeaway with my dad, and the owner of the store came out.

"Are you all right?" She asked my dad. "No." he replied, "I'm half left."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RaiTheThingy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend wasn't happy with recent Indian takeaway

I guess it didn't curry her favor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NorthernMonkey10
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2015
🚨︎ report
We were ordering an Indian takeaway...

My sister was making a list for the order (there were 8 of us).

Me: chicken Korma
Sister: ok.
Dad: I will have a lamb Pasander.
Sister: how do you spell that?
Dad: L-A-M-B.

I thought he would go for the "that" but the lamb worked as well.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TOM_THE_FREAK
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2015
🚨︎ report
I went to a maths themed restaurant today

They were only doing takeaways.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Warning!

Be aware We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I won't name them) I went to pick it up last night and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!WTF??!!! I thought what the hell is that. Has something got in the bag, I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ... And there it was ... ... A Peeking Duck!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Weedwacker01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to mathematical restaurant today.

Ordered a takeaway

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A new restaurant has opened near me called 'Subtraction'

They also do takeaway

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my friend and her boyfriend while deciding what to order for dinner

My friend Sarah and I were tossing up between Indian and Thai. We called her boyfriend Sam to see if he would like takeaway. He can't have shellfish so Thai is a no.

Sarah: "we're trying to decide if we should get Thai or Indian. Do you want take out because if you do, we will get curry but if not, we will get Thai for us."

Me: "you're the tie-breaker."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/stefaniey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2014
🚨︎ report
My 9-year old got me good

I was telling the kids about a cat I had when was their age and how she loved Tandoori chicken. I explained that when we used to order in Indian food she would sit on the arm of the sofa waiting for someone to bring a chicken leg up to their mouth and then, quick as a flash, swipe it out of their hand and run off with it.

Quick as a flash, my boy said "Well, it WAS a takeaway"

So proud....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ginolard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2016
🚨︎ report
One my dad won't stop saying

I walked into a chinese takeaway the other day and said "hey you".

The guy behind the counter says "how you know my name?".

I said "your chicken is very rubbery".

He said "thank you thank you".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SanDanders1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife said son had come home with some 'take away' sums...

...I said "What, like how much is it if you add the cost of a Lamb Balti and a Naan bread?"

edit. In the uk a takeaway is food you buy like Chinese or Indian, and take away.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JEZTURNER
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2014
🚨︎ report
A whopper of a joke

So just now my Dad was looking through the local takeaway menu because I was heading over the shops and he wanted something to eat, so he finally decides that he wants a burger, hands me a Β£5 note and says "It'll be about 3 pounds" to which I responded "That's a lot of food, you sure you don't want a quarter-pounder instead?"

Unfortunately I was the only one chuckling to myself.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Trinitykill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Be vigilant

I hate to do this about a local business but feel you deserve to know. πŸ˜•

** Be aware **

We ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place (I'm not going to name them) I'd just been to pick it up and as I were driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!! I thought what the hell is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out

I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers!

I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...

And there it was ...

... A Peeking Duck!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/beanieboombaby
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.