The possibilities are: end, less.
Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.
Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.
He said "It's too close to home".
The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.
bear double meaning with tolerate
grizzly double meaning with horrific
4)kodiak double meaning with camera
6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".
It was my second time watching it and only her first, so I had had some time to ponder possible puns to make. So when BB8 was introduced, I put my arm around her, leaned in to her ear, and said "Hey baby, that robot is cool and all, but it's only a BB8. I think you're a BB10."
She sighed, pulled my arm off of her, and scooted a seat away from me.
... and as you can see, they were Wright
I'll call it Popeyedol.
Is that a Murphyn?
Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?
In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.
He replied, "oui shall sí."
Arse skin for a friend.
It's a Procrastinator.
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
He only works for tips.
What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.
The bartender says "AU get out of here!"
Hindsight is 2020!
In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?
PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.
He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.
When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.
When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.
I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!
Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!
Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!
That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. “This technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. “Can you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”
“Yeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,“but it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained “When these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” “Treating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.
“It’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.
“There are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” “That future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.
She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. “Don’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.
“Now let that sink in!”
I've been tricked, I've been backstabbed, and quite possibly, bambezoed.
Even the baby was impressed.
It will help them make a gross profit.
When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing
“I c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”
Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.
Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.
Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, “HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”
To which the thief replies, “You let your guard down”
A no bell prize
To which he replied, "It's in the field of possibilities."
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
All my life I thought it was something else but whatever, it’s OK.
I’m galactose intolerant
A Danish scientist has delved into the roots of silly, fatherly, humour and come up with a possible explanation
I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans
Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!
They were Wright.
Go outside and ride your bike
After all, Andy, Sting, and Stewart have each had success with other solo projects.
After all, it always costs more for a womb with a view.
I asked her how she could possibly get anything done in such a short amount of time.
Police are investigating a possible hummus side.
A broken drum... you can’t beat it
"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife. "How could you possibly know that?" She asked. He simply replied, "Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."
They were Wright