There are two possibilities for words that mean "final part" or "smaller amount".

The possibilities are: end, less.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole

Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.

Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.

πŸ‘︎ 530
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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[Request] I think there are more possibilities for this tired cow.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/limitedfarce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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The possibility that Elon musk's bodyguards aren't called musketeers makes me sad.
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alone_punner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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I asked dad why it makes him so uncomfortable to discuss the possibility of me moving into the garage?

He said "It's too close to home".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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there is a serious lack of possible bear puns, can any of you think of more?

The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.

  1. bear double meaning with tolerate

  2. pandanother thing

  3. grizzly double meaning with horrific

4)kodiak double meaning with camera

5)koalalifications

6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
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I was watching the new Star Wars with my girlfriend yesterday

It was my second time watching it and only her first, so I had had some time to ponder possible puns to make. So when BB8 was introduced, I put my arm around her, leaned in to her ear, and said "Hey baby, that robot is cool and all, but it's only a BB8. I think you're a BB10."

She sighed, pulled my arm off of her, and scooted a seat away from me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROTCnaziBandgeek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...

... and as you can see, they were Wright

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat spinach as fast as possible....

I'll call it Popeyedol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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If a muffin goes wrong in the worst possible moment...

Is that a Murphyn?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jokterwho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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I saw a pack of gummy worms that said β€œNo artificial flavor.”

Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pllarsen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...

He replied, "oui shall sΓ­."

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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Does anyone know if it's possible to have a skin graft taken from a buttock to donate to someone who isn't a relative?

Arse skin for a friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geofferz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible

It's a Procrastinator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khaos_Gorvin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy.

Either way, the silver bullets worked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I don't know how our Mohel can possibly make a living.

He only works for tips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.

What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanixATK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Gold walks into a bar

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkunzler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...

Hindsight is 2020!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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[META] Could we get some moderation in this sub?

In my eyes, this sub has a serious problem with non-dadjoke posts. Sub-reddit rule #1 is "Jokes must be dad jokes.". What good are the rules if they aren't enforced? I do realize that what constitutes a dadjoke might not be clarely defined, but we get a lot of posts that are marked nsfw. That's a "This is not a dadjoke"-flag. Why not start with removing nsfw posts?

PS: Why do we have rule #6? It is not possible for a dadjoke to be nsfw, so it should never be relevant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buddhainhair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...

He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curioushom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I bought a new-build house!

When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.

When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.

I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!

Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!

Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!

That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. β€œThis technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. β€œCan you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”

β€œYeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,β€œbut it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained β€œWhen these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” β€œTreating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.

Knock knock

β€œIt’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.

β€œThere are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” β€œThat future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.

She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. β€œDon’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.

Knock knock

β€œNow let that sink in!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/olemonheado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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I had no idea Amazon renewed my subscription

I've been tricked, I've been backstabbed, and quite possibly, bambezoed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISeeTrees-
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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During Coronavirus, always pay businesses with cash where possible.

It will help them make a gross profit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshzyx612
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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A robber breaks into a bank

When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing

β€œI c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”

Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.

Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.

Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, β€œHOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”

To which the thief replies, β€œYou let your guard down”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewMadMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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I’m awaiting reply, but it’s possible I was deleted entirely.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/o2lsports
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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What's the best possible reward for a k'ow know joke?

A no bell prize

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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After a lecture, a theoretical physicist is asked, "Can you explain what you just said in plain English?"

To which he replied, "It's in the field of possibilities."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyDumbHumor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....

Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Today I found out that the coldest possible temperature is -273 degrees Celsius

All my life I thought it was something else but whatever, it’s OK.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realRianJohnson
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Puns in the fastest time possible.
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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillowyWave5228
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Research paper: Dad Jokes and the Deep Roots of Fatherly Teasing

A Danish scientist has delved into the roots of silly, fatherly, humour and come up with a possible explanation

https://psyarxiv.com/r9mhc/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spirito_santo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My wife insisted she has nudist genes

I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans

Edit: there->their

Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S93C141
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.

They were Wright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:

Go outside and ride your bike

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I don't thing reformation of the police is possible...

After all, Andy, Sting, and Stewart have each had success with other solo projects.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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In the future it will be possible to incubate humans in artificial uteri. If you want yours in the one by the window, it will be more expensive.

After all, it always costs more for a womb with a view.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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One of my coworkers said today is her thirty second birthday.

I asked her how she could possibly get anything done in such a short amount of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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A man was poisoned after eating an appetizer at a local restaurant.

Police are investigating a possible hummus side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?

A broken drum... you can’t beat it

πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamWaters88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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A viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out his window one day

"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife. "How could you possibly know that?" She asked. He simply replied, "Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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A century ago, two brothers claimed that it was possible to fly.

They were Wright

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tedioustiger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?

A broken drum... you can’t beat it

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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