There are two possibilities for words that mean "final part" or "smaller amount".

The possibilities are: end, less.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole

Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.

Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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[Request] I think there are more possibilities for this tired cow.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/limitedfarce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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The possibility that Elon musk's bodyguards aren't called musketeers makes me sad.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alone_punner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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I asked dad why it makes him so uncomfortable to discuss the possibility of me moving into the garage?

He said "It's too close to home".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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there is a serious lack of possible bear puns, can any of you think of more?

The problem with bears as a pun topic is that there are only 6 possible puns and most of them are stretches.

  1. bear double meaning with tolerate

  2. pandanother thing

  3. grizzly double meaning with horrific

4)kodiak double meaning with camera

5)koalalifications

6)and Ursidae the family classification can be shortened to sound like ursa and be used instead of "or so" like in the phrase "or so i was told".

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
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I was watching the new Star Wars with my girlfriend yesterday

It was my second time watching it and only her first, so I had had some time to ponder possible puns to make. So when BB8 was introduced, I put my arm around her, leaned in to her ear, and said "Hey baby, that robot is cool and all, but it's only a BB8. I think you're a BB10."

She sighed, pulled my arm off of her, and scooted a seat away from me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROTCnaziBandgeek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)

She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.

Hey Dad, you ok?

Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.

"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogalporn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy.

Either way, the silver bullets worked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.

What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PanixATK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...

Hindsight is 2020!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Saw a fish riding a bicycle the other day. Shocked, and curious, I asked it, β€œHow on earth is this possible‽” Fish looked at me and said:

Nothing, silly. Fish don’t talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Gold walks into a bar

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkunzler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My Grandad was rushed to the hospital with possible concussion, they asked him β€œwhats my name?”

He said β€œwe need another doctor, this idiot doesnt know his own name!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlfieOnSleep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Dwayne Johnson is a really nice guy, so he always makes sure he's as close to the wall as possible...

He hates putting anyone between The Rock and a hard place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curioushom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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During Coronavirus, always pay businesses with cash where possible.

It will help them make a gross profit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshzyx612
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....

Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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What's the best possible reward for a k'ow know joke?

A no bell prize

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I’m awaiting reply, but it’s possible I was deleted entirely.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/o2lsports
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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My wife insisted she has nudist genes

I responded that nudists are defined by their lack of jeans

Edit: there->their

Edit 2: Awards? Wow! I'd like to thank the Academy, the community, my wife, and the man who made this post possible, my father in law!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S93C141
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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A viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out his window one day

"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife. "How could you possibly know that?" She asked. He simply replied, "Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record...

The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.

Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.

They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.

After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.

So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Puns in the fastest time possible.
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πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Today I found out that the coldest possible temperature is -273 degrees Celsius

All my life I thought it was something else but whatever, it’s OK.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realRianJohnson
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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My New Years resolution is to finally get in shape.

Round... possibly pear... I haven’t decided yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaymanRich
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.

They were Wright.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Have you heard about the new game getting released? It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. It’s called:

Go outside and ride your bike

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I get it, you hated him 4 years ago ...

... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eaglehawk2011
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I don't thing reformation of the police is possible...

After all, Andy, Sting, and Stewart have each had success with other solo projects.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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In the future it will be possible to incubate humans in artificial uteri. If you want yours in the one by the window, it will be more expensive.

After all, it always costs more for a womb with a view.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

I’m galactose intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillowyWave5228
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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A century ago, two brothers claimed that it was possible to fly.

They were Wright

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tedioustiger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?

A broken drum... you can’t beat it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I can't stop thinking about that one Gnarls Barkley song...

Does that make me crazy?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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A pun or two about magicians and their antics

Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?

Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.

P1: How so?

P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.

P1: You raise at interesting point.

P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?

P1: Yes

P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirZbear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.

He was named Justin Case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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The world has been taken storm by jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of words or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

Stay safe everyone. This is a global pundemic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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my wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.

she's worked very hard and i know it's been difficult for her, but i'm very proud. she's in possibly the best shape of her life and she is once again confident in her own body, but i will endlessly love her despite what she looks like.

what, were you expecting me to say something about a baby?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...

High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Pills for the bull

I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I was named after my dad

Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsplanty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?

A broken drum... you can’t beat it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get?

A broken drum... you can’t beat it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamWaters88
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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