I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
I am trying to figure out whether that fuel tanker in front of me is full or not.
Your gas is as good as mine.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
There was a debate whether or not if French fries were cooked in France...
I say they were cooked in Greece.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
The bear couldn't decide whether to go north or south for the winter
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
My wife asked me whether I experimented with sex and drugs when I was in high school, and I said Yes.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
Never ask a tree for advice on whether or not you should do something.
They always reply by saying, "I wood".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.
That's comparing apples to oranges.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
My girlfriend and I always disagree whether tea or coffee is superior, she said tea will always be there to comfort you, I said...
π︎ 70
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
Whether or not you get infected with COVID...
Iβm sure weβre all sick of it by now.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
Had a Zoom call about whether or not to acquire a new bird of prey
It was an add hawk meeting.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
I asked the mods whether I could post a joke about circumcision on this sub.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.
Their next car is Elon gated.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
I donβt know whether you guys know this, but vampires arenβt real.
Unless you Count Dracula.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
My doctor asked if Iβd considered whether yoga could help with my anxiety.
I said, βI think thatβs a bit of a stretchβ
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
I couldn't decide whether I should bury or cremate my grandfather.
I decided to do both and put him in a wooden urn. After hearing what I did he wood urn in his grave.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
My son asked me whether Ο was a rational number, even though he knows i didnt go to school...
I mean that's just not rational.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
When asked whether his former coach liked artificially flavored sugary soft drinks, Lionel Messi replied
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
My girlfriend and I bought a new mattress. When we got home and set it up, we were unsure about whether or not it would be comfortable enough.
She said, βLetβs sleep on it.β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
What should you do when you are unsure whether it will rain or not ?
Well, carry an Ummm..brella .
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 24 2020
I asked a wind turbine whether it liked "Blowin' in the Wind"
"Of course," it said, "I'm a big fan!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
How can you find out whether you have constipation or diarrhea?
The process of elimination.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
I saw my son reading Fahrenheit 451, and I asked him whether he liked it.
He said, βIts pretty lit.β
π︎ 84
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
Someone wanted to fight about whether I was wearing a neck-tie or a cravat.
I donβt know who was right, either way my ascot kicked.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
Coronavirus memes are funny. Whether you get it or not.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 09 2020
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"
π︎ 77
π
︎ May 05 2020
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, βYou donβt have much of a case.β
π︎ 191
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
I got into an argument with a friend about whether pens were better than pencils...
...Iβll admit, they had a point, but I still think the argument will be erased in time.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
Iβm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 29 2020
We can't decide whether to put in soft pink or baby blue flooring in the nursery
It's an infantile problem
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
My son asked me whether February could March.
I replied βNo, but April may!β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
I recently talked about a John Cena joke with my sister, but she didn't seem to understand the joke, so I started to explain to her who John Cena is. She then asked me whether or not I seriously think that she doesn't know who John Cena is. I then told her:
"Well, I just thought you might have never seen him before."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
How do you know whether not a dog is trained?
Trained dogs often have better pawsture
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 21 2020
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 13 2017
My son and I were walking down the street and he was saying he didn't know which girl to ask to prom and whether he should get a pink or red corsage. I stopped and said, "you might not even have prom due to coronavirus! You gotta look at the big picture, son."
And we both admired the new mural.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
A television newslady is interviewing a horse that can tell whether a person is a homosexual or not. "Am I homosexual?" Asked the newslady. "Neigh," said the horse.
The newslady turns to the camera and says, "you heard it folks. 'Straight' from the horses mouth."
π︎ 64
π
︎ Oct 11 2019
I find with the weather heating up, whether I stay inside or go outside...
Iβm getting Spring Fever.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
My neighbor tried to wager money on whether I could jump the row of bushes between our properties...
But I don't like to hedge my bets.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
The Supreme Court held a session today to decide whether Justice Ginsburg should step down
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
I can't decide whether to join the Bard's College or the Thieves Guild
I'll just have to weigh the prose and the cons.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 18 2019
Iβm debating whether to write βYESβ on my left hand and βNOβ on my right hand.
I mean, on the one hand, yes, but on the other hand, no.
π︎ 125
π
︎ Apr 30 2019
I yelled "hello" to my friend walking far from me. He didn't know whether to merely raise his hand or say "hello" back...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 17 2019
The Testicular Cancer Clinic called me to ask whether I got their email. I said no.
They said, βMaybe you should check your junk.β
π︎ 118
π
︎ Feb 26 2019
When you're unsure whether to open a store or a studio, so you compromise and open a
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 20 2019
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
People are wondering whether I have any more of these bracelets - Iβm a frayed knot
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
Iβve been looking at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and although Iβm not sure whether itβs the best in the world...
...Itβs definitely up there.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 20 2019
My wife asked me whether I experimented with drugs and sex when I was in high school.
I said, βYes, but I was part of the control group.β
π︎ 117
π
︎ Sep 23 2019
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said you donβt have much of a case.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Dec 22 2019
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal...
sees you later or in a while.
π︎ 123
π
︎ May 22 2019
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