True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
I see where this is going
I asked the librarian where books about oil were located.
She said try the non-friction section.
Where do you learn how to make ice cream?
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German where all attending a Zoom meeting. The Supervisor asked “can you see me ok?”
To which they answered “yes” “oui” “si” “ja”.
Where you can find flat earthers?
Due to complaints, Hawaii passed a law where you're not allowed to laugh above a certain decibel
You can only use a low ha
Where did the music notes go to get some fried chicken?
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?
Somewheeere over the rainbow...
Where are "Yes-men" and People Pleasers made?
Where do mansplainers get their water from?
Me: "Excuse me, can you show me where the self help books are?"
Librarian: "Well, that would kinda defeat the purpose, don't you think?"
Where do pirates get their hooks?
I'm reading a book where the main character has a spine injury.
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
I was walking home from work, talking to my husband on the phone. He asked me where I was. I said I passed a garden full of gnomes. He said he knew the one I was talking about.
I said "So it's a well gnome garden".
I laughed harder than he did.
Where does a catcher sit down to eat dinner?
Where do you park a camel?
At the Camelot
(My Egyptian father’s fav joke)
Did you see where the computer hacker went?
So I asked the librarian where were the books on paranoia?
"Right behind you." She whispered.
Where did the pirate find his eye patch?
Where do really small apples come from?
where did captain hook get his hook?
Where do pirates store their old files?
In the arrrchives, of course!
Where can you get cheap gas these days?
Where does a person who’s having trouble breathing go to shop?
Where does frosty the snowman keep his money?
Nowhere! He has Snow pockets!
Where do sheep go for a haircut?
How come they call a place where horses are kept a "stable"…
And not a neigh-bourhood?
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
“I play a little guitar!"
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
Where does a cardiologist go on holiday?
Honey, where are the carrots? I can't find a single one
Maybe try a married one then
Where does a criminal go to relieve himself?
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal.
Where is Karl Marx buried?
In a communist plot.
(The actual answer is London.)
Where do mollusks go to find lost luggage?
Where do fruits go on vacation?
Where do they manufacture noses?
What do you call a place where brass musicians hang out and drink?
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook...
I was interrogating a crab the other day and I asked it “What’s your name? Where do you live? What’s that on your back?”
I asked the librarian where the books on paranoia are kept.
She whispered "They're right behind you".
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
